This morning’s evangelical buzz is all about C.J. Mahaney and the lawsuit that has been filed against Sovereign Grace Ministries. Today, after saying nothing for 6 months, some leaders are coming forward in support of him. (Their original post was removed after an incredible outcry on their FB page but a reader saved it.) Their silence has already shown that they sided with the churches who ignored abuse and “kept it in house” but today they feel empowered to offer real support to Mahaney and others for one reason: the statute of limitations ran out for filing a civil suit against these men for 9 of 11 plaintiffs. Did you catch that? None were found innocent, there was just a loophole and they all are jumping through it! (My friend, Sallie, has an excellent article praising those who have taken a stand. Kudos to them and to her!)

One thing that intrigues me about this whole situation and one reason why I think it should give homeschoolers pause is this:

Some of the same players at HSLDA who have not taken stands against child abuse AND who are pushing the parental rights amendment AND who have participated in drafting a manifesto that desires abolishing DCFS, are/have been members (in one case, an elder, as I understand it) of these same churches named in this lawsuit during the same time that this was going on! Now I have no proof that they were legal counsel in any of this madness. In fact, I am not saying that anyone was. But I know that in churches I have been part of, church members who are attorneys are often called on in these situations, just as bankers sit on finance committees, electricians help repair electrical problems in the church building etc. If you read the actual lawsuit, be warned, it is horrifying stuff. It will make you hug your little ones a while longer today.

As I posted links to some of this madness this morning on Facebook, someone asked me why so many pedophiles were attracted to this one denomination. Here is my response as to why I think we are hearing so many of these sorts of stories lately. I am convinced that sexual abuse is so widespread it would make heads spin if we knew the truth. I remember as though it was yesterday when World Magazine wrote a cover story on the whole child abuse scandal in the Catholic Church. Here we are nearly a decade and a half later and what has actually changed? The stories keep coming forward. Now we are seeing the very same thing in evangelicalism and why? I think there are several reasons:

1. The internet is a powerful tool for accountability and information. It can be abused, too, I know, but victims no longer have to be alone in shame and ignorance of what was done to them. Most victims of sexual abuse have been warned that they or someone they love will be killed or harmed if they ever tell. So they don’t. Children also cannot possibly begin to process what happened to them until they are much older. Sometimes their first understanding is triggered by something they read online. Also, those who have been harmed by certain organizations or individuals can quickly find out that they were not the only ones, empowering them to take a stand.

2. Some of the attitudes about women and children in these groups perpetuate this sort of environment. Look at how so many of these victims were counseled to deal with pedophiles. Keep it in-house. Wives side with husbands, etc. What one thinks he owns he also thinks he can do with whatever he likes. How’s that prophet, priest, and king thing workin’ out for ya?

3. Evil, truly evil, people can play the part of good holy people and fly under the radar for a long time if they are clever. Peck’s book People of the Lie quotes several people who committed heinous crimes and who describe how they were able to get access to innocent victims by pretending to be godly church members. Chilling.

4. Modern Christians are being trained to not be Bereans. In fact, how often are they told NOT to be Bereans, just to obey their leaders, elders, etc. A few weeks ago I posted a quote from Mark Driscoll where he said rebels are those who “do word studies.” This mindset is crazy.

5. The celebrity status both within homeschooling circles and evangelicalism in general invites this sort of behavior. People are far too trusting of the “who’s who” crowd. And those who are part of it become much lest circumspect.

6. A false theology of “blanket forgiveness” is being taught in church after church. This article is one of the best discussions on what true and righteous forgiveness looks like I have ever read. Is this what you have been taught? It sure hasn’t been my experience and, in fact, I have been admonished more than once to simply “forgive” false teacher rather than examine and expose false teachings! Ludicrous!!!

7. The nutty makes it way into the mainstream of the church and becomes acceptable first and then embraced. There are so many of these examples but here is one I ran across yesterday. Scott Brown from the Family Integrated Church network, you now, they guy who claims that Sunday School is unbiblical and the end of Western Civilization as we know it fame is a guest speaker at, of all things, a DISCERNMENT conference! This gives credibility to so many of the things we all know have been so dangerous and destructive to homeschooling families. The mind reels!!!

So, any thoughts?

The guys have big plans for working on our front porch over the holiday weekend while I plant some flowers at the cemetery. I am making a menu now, thinking we need a fridge full of great side dishes and fresh fruit to go along with the grilling I hope to pull off. These men need delicious meals to keep them inspired! I have shared the rotini and baked bean recipes before but they seem to belong in this line-up!

Black Bean Salsa Salad

I kept seeing versions of this on Pinterest and whipped up my own recipe. Seriously, it may be the most delicious thing I have ever eaten in my entire life! It keeps getting better as the flavors blend in the fridge and it will be perfect with grilled chicken for fajitas.

2 cans black beans, drained

1 can chopped tomatoes in garlic and olive oil, not drained

6 Roma tomatoes, chopped (will probably use all fresh tomatoes once they are in season here)

5 fresh ears of sweet corn, boiled and cut off the cobs

1 medium to large red onion, finely chopped

2 TBS. minced garlic

½ cup chopped cilantro

½ cup olive oil

Juice of 2 limes

Salt to taste

Mix all together and store in air tight container in fridge. Best if allowed to chill well so the flavors blend. You can also add cubes avocado before serving if desired.

Mama’s Potato Salad

Extra good served with grilled burgers or homemade fried chicken!

5 pounds red potatoes

1 dozen hard boiled eggs

2 cups mayonnaise

½ cup prepared yellow mustard

Salt to taste

Paprika

Boil potatoes I skin, cool, peel. Cut into 1 inch cubes.

Mix first 5 ingredients together, adjusting for more mustard or mayo if preferred.

Place in serving bowl, sprinkle with paprika. Cover with plastic wrap and chill well.

Once-you-try-these-you’ll-never-eat-any-other-baked beans

The name does not lie!!

1  7# can pork and beans, drained, reserving 1 cup liquid
2 pounds hickory smoked bacon, fried, reserving grease
1 large onion, finely minced
2 TBS. garlic, minced in oil
1 large green pepper, finely chopped
½ to ¾  cup prepared mustard ( taste to see if it is too tart)
2 pounds brown sugar

Place beans in large casserole dish.  Fry bacon, reserving grease.  Crumble when cool and add to beans.  In grease, fry onions, garlic, and peppers until translucent.  Over low heat, dissolve brown sugar and mustard in same skillet, stirring until all are well mixed.  Pour over beans and mix well.  If mixture is too dry, add some of the reserved liquid from the beans. Bake in slow oven, about 300 degrees, for 3 hours or until the top is slightly browned and the liquid is absorbed.  (You may need to turn up the heat.) You can add brats if you want to make this a main dish meal.

Linda’s Rotini Salad

My friend, Linda, who passed away many years ago, created this delicious recipe and shared it with me. I think of her fondly every time I serve it.

1# rotini pasta cooked al dente and well drained

1 small jar salad olives with all the brine

1 can black olives with all the juice

1 large red onion chopped

1 large red pepper chopped

1 large green pepper chopped

1 large cucumber chopped

½ cup olive oil

Toss all ingredients together, mix well. Chill for several hours before serving.

Over and over, I have heard that a parent is not supposed to be a friend to his/her child, that it’s not a part of a parent’s role, that it in fact interferes with a parent’s role. So what’s implied is that if you are your child’s friend, you are doing something wrong. Consequently, barriers are erected to prevent the friendship and many times, those barriers come in the form of so-called “discipline.” This discipline, usually involving spankings and the expectation of instant obedience (with a happy face) and no fits or arguing or questioning, erects an effective barrier to friendship because real friendships involve grace, and gentleness, and hashing things out, and honesty from both sides.

I remember when Forrest, my 10 year old, was 2. I had read Tripp’s book Shepherding a Child’s Heart and saw my child was not doing what Tripp said he should be: Forrest was not obeying immediately. When I’d call him, usually he didn’t come. So I explained to Forrest, “If i call you once, and you don’t come, I will spank you.” And I did because I thought I was not properly teaching him if I didn’t. But I never felt good about it (and I cry when I think back to it and am doing so as i write this).

A year or so ago my 9 year old Forrest asked me, jokingly, “Mom, would you ever hit me?” “No,” I said , “but, I used to.” “What?!? When?” “I used to spank you” I said. “Oh, that’s different. That’s just a swat on the leg or butt.” “What would you call that?” I asked. He thought for few seconds, then “A hit, I guess…but still, that was to teach a lesson.” I told him “Just because it taught a lesson doesn’t mean it was the right way to do it. I’m sorry I spanked you. If I could go back, I’d do it differently.” And he forgave me and ran off to play. Now that’s a friendship, a willingness to admit faults, forgiveness requested and instantly received.

I don’t think we are called as parents to set ourselves apart from our children, to put them on a tier lower than ourselves, to elevate ourselves as parents to a status above them. They are our neighbors, our nearest and dearest. We are called to love them as we love ourselves. They are our sisters and brothers in Chris and if one is stumbling, we are called to come alongside him/her and encourage, nudge, even carry sometimes. We can come alongside our children and guide them and teach them, as their parents, as their friends.

If I could go back to that tiny redhead 2 year old, I would still tell him that it’s important to come when mama calls and I would retrieve him and remind him of this until he got it. I would befriend my toddler and embrace him as I taught him.

God calls to each of us; He calls us to be His children, He calls us to be His friends. and He doesn’t threaten us if we don’t. But He is persistent and loving and always speaks truth.

And I think, if the Maker of the universe can be my friend, then I, a human parent, can befriend my babies.

A little while back I asked my kids if there was anything that they wished I did differently as a parent. They all said “no.” Several minutes later Forrest said, “I thought of something mom…I wish we spent more time alone together.” So we began taking pal times. This morning he asked me, “What are we doing today?” I ran off a list, then he asked, “Can you and I have a pal time tonight?” So that’s the plan for the evening–a pal time with my son, my 10 year old friend, Forrest.

Throughout the militant fecundity podcast series, I repeatedly asked listeners this question:

“Do you love children?”

Since most of my listeners are parents and many are homeschoolers and Christians, the answer ought to be obvious. At one time I might have thought the answer would surely be a resounding “yes!” but for some homeschoolers I fear the answer may instead be “Well, I love my own homeschooled children.” I am hesitant to ask that question any more, especially after reading recent reports describing Home School Legal Defense’s continual push for parental rights and their desire to fight against child protective services, even in the most extreme of child abuse cases if it involves homeschooling families.

Last week a former homeschool daughter, now a mom herself, wrote an article describing three examples she believes show that HSLDA has supported the rights of abusive parents to homeschool their children. One of the cases involved a homeschooling family who had adopted 11 special needs children who were reportedly being kept in cages.

“The Gravelles’ children told Sommers of punishments including ”spankings with a board, name calling and being held under water,” Sommers said. One boy said he had ”his face shoved against a bathroom wall until his nose bled,” Sommers testified. The sleeping arrangements for some of the children were homemade enclosures made with wood and chicken wire that had alarms on the doors. County authorities call the enclosures ”cages,” while the Gravelles say they were enclosed beds used to protect the children. The children would soil their beds rather than open the door and go to the bathroom because they did not want to trigger the alarm, they also told the investigator. Another boy told the detective he was forced to write ”in long hand” a book out of the Bible before he was allowed out of his enclosed bed, Sommers testified.”

At one point, an attorney for HSLDA described the Gravelles as “heroes” for caring for these children. I have not been able to find a retraction or valid explanation for this. In one of the other cases where HSLDA defended the homeschooling rights of a family, a child died from the abuse.

I would like to look at these claims from a couple different perspectives and then open the floor for discussion here. Please be sure to read the whole investigative report and the links provided in the articles for a fuller picture of the situation.

First of all, HSLDA has been promoting the Parental Rights Amendment which has been discussed here in the past. If you watch the video clip on this post, it is quite clear that the right to physically punish children is central to this amendment. I have no doubt that one reason so many parents have jumped on this bandwagon is because they believe Scripture requires spanking. The very thought that some of these parents have been followers of Michael Pearl and that to this date HSLDA has not publicly rebuked him is outrageous. (I have looked for any statement from HSLDA regarding Michael Pearl and cannot find one. If anyone has found this, please share it here. I would love to be wrong on this.)

Secondly, I am not surprised in the least that this has been the posture of HSLDA. In 2009 they co-sponsored the Homeschool Leadership Summit where one of the goals listed in their manifesto was to get rid of Child Protective Services which I discussed in this podcast series on august 15 and 21, 2010. From the first time I saw that on the list, I was dumbfounded. While I do not believe the government is the solution to all of society’s ills, I do believe there are times when it must step in to protect children who are genuinely being abused. I know many godly parents who do understand this and have become involved in the foster care system in order to provide good homes for little ones in these situations. But to me, the message HSLDA is sending is that protecting the rights of parents to homeschool trumps protecting children (any children) from abuse.

I can’t help but wonder if this is the same attitude Douglas Wilson recommends for those of us who believe saving the lives of the unborn, whether from believing or unbelieving parents, is important. He wrote in his book Mother Kirk: Essays on Church Life:

“The unbelievers are destroying themselves in a frenzy of child-murder and fruitless sodomy. Let them go. These are hard words. But Christians must learn to say them. Paul taught us that the children of God-haters are “foul” or “unclean” (I Cor 7:14). We must come to the day when the Christian can truly rebuke those who are “without natural affection” and say – “The ancient psalmist blessed the one who would take little ones of those who hate God and dash them on the rock (Ps 137:9). We see by your pro-abortion position that you clearly agree with this kind of treatment. And we in the Church, in a way you cannot truly comprehend, are now prepared to say amen.”

Appalling isn’t it?

I also have written about the importance for homeschooling families to police themselves, not by turning each other in to authorities, but rather, coming alongside each other and encouraging each other while respecting boundaries. And I am not talking only about one on one, family to family relationships but also being wise and discerning when we attend conferences and events. For example, too many conferences now screen their vendors and speakers, putting them through a patriocentric grid before they can teach or sell their products. Why do we continue to support those groups?

What will happen if we do not get involved personally? Well, it has already been suggested that some homeschooling families are in violation of the constitutional rights of daughters if they are not offered educations equal to sons in the same family.

I know someone is going to point out that Libby Anne who did this research is not particularly favorable to homeschooling. I know she, as do many others, believes there need to be more restrictions on homeschooling and that homeschoolers need to meet standards established by the government. But my response is “why?” Does anyone believe the government has been so successful at educating children that they should dictate to homeschoolers some arbitrary standards? And who decides what it actually means to be educated? If we want to scream “educational neglect” we had better do it in the direction of the government schools first!!!

So, this has been brief considering the topic, but what do you think? And how can homeschooling families find the balance between protecting our rights to educate our own children and still care for little ones who are abused, no matter what school they attend?

“Seriously? Driscoll said what?”

A few days ago I read an article by Wendy Alsup that is resonating with many women who used to call themselves complementarians. Wendy continues to define herself by that word but is asking all the right questions and seeking to add another, though wiser, voice to the schizophrenic cacophony of evangelical gender discussions. I highly recommend reading this and would love to discuss it here because I know so many of you truly understand the need for this dialogue.

Sallie has also had some great things to say regarding Wendy’s article and has linked to some other good reads as well. Kevin DeYoung of the Young, Restless, and Reformed blog also responded to Wendy’s insghts but my first thought is that I wonder if self-proclaimed apologists for complementarianism ever read what each other has written. He seems to be clueless as to why these issues are even important!

Along these same lines, Kendra Fletcher, best known for her wonderful Preschoolers and Peace blog, has shared her own struggles with the complementarian position as it relates to women in relationship to one another within the church. She brings up the idea that frustration in ministry could be at the root of inward fighting within the local church. I think this is extraordinarily insightful.

Oh, and for those who don’t really believe there is an agenda to promote adversarial relationships between men and women in the church, you might want to check out this quote by Mark Driscoll:
“Being married to [nagging wives] is like a life sentence, and the guy’s just scratching on his wall every day,” he told the congregation. “Proverbs talks about certain women—they’re like a dripping faucet. You ever tried to sleep with a dripping faucet? Plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk. It’s what we use to torture people who are prisoners of war.”
In looking up the actual reading of Proverbs 27:15, it says:

“The continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.”

We have been having rain nearly every day for the past few weeks, so much so that Illinois has experienced record flooding and many counties, mine included, have been considered disaster areas. But even with the continual dropping of rain, we all know it isn’t ever going to be a “life sentence.” In fact, after Noah’s flood, God promised us, with the sign of the rainbow, that He would never again destroy the earth with water. So Driscoll’s hyperbole is apparent.

But the real problem in his statement is that he equates “dripping rain” with a form of torture called “waterboarding:”

“Waterboarding is a form of torture in which water is poured over cloth covering the face and breathing passages of an immobilized captive, causing the individual to experience the sensation of drowning. Waterboarding can cause extreme pain, dry drowning, damage to lungs, brain damage from oxygen deprivation, other physical injuries including broken bones due to struggling against restraints, lasting psychological damage, and death. Adverse physical consequences can manifest themselves months after the event, while psychological effects can last for years. The term water board torture appears in press reports as early as 1976. The captive’s face is usually covered with cloth or some other thin material, and the subject is immobilized on his/her back. Interrogators pour water onto the face over the breathing passages, causing an almost immediate gag reflex and creating the sensation for the captive that he is drowning.”

Perhaps Driscoll thought he was being clever and dramatic but what his statement actually does is create and promote adversarial relationships between men and women that goes far beyond the irritations that come along with being sinful creatures in a fallen world. Where is the admonition toward one anothering in his comment? It can’t be found because in his world, a woman who nags her husband is waterboarding him! Gee whiz.

We hurried home from Nashville last Saturday because my mom had been rushed to the hospital after suffering a heart attack. She passed away on Wednesday evening. It has been an intense week and a time of great sorrow but also great rejoicing because she is now with the Lord, with my dad, and with so many other beloved saints who have gone before her.

My mom had spent the past 19 years in our home and we often joked that we not only homeschooled 6 children but one grandma as well since she participated in so many things we did as a family. She spent endless hours reading to preschoolers and listening to the younger boys when they were first learning to read themselves. She endured hours of mess making as the boys often took their craft projects to her room where she cut, pasted, painted, and drew right alongside them, “ooohing” and “ahhhing” as only a grandma can. Her favorite subject was history and she looked forward to watching documentaries and participating in discussions about them around the dinner table. Once, after seeing a history channel presentation on WW2, she stunned us by remarking, “Oh yes, I remember coming down for breakfast one morning and seeing a picture of Mussolini* hanging upside down in the newspaper.” Her firsthand accounts of nearly a century of American life brought a richness to our studies and our lives that we could never have imagined.

My dad had not been much of a traveler so it was especially fun for her to board airplanes to travel with us to both Florida and California when two of our boys were married. She often remarked how thrilled she was to have “dipped her toes” into both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans! She drove to South Carolina with us for Mollie’s piano recitals and loved the mountains of Kentucky and Tennessee along the way. Clay remembers pushing her around in a wheel chair through museums in Chicago, which she hadn’t perused since she had lived there as a young bride during WW2 while my dad attended an army school. She told us how she was forever getting a speck of dust in her eye because the city was truly windy and she joked about her Jewish landlady whose doctor husband was “stepping out on her” and how she called my mom and dad “Moodyites” because they attended worship services at the Moody Church each Sunday!

My mom loved being at home and made amazing oatmeal raisin cookies and incredible rhubarb pies. She canned and froze everything my dad grew in his beloved garden and I always knew spaghetti with her homemade sauce would be waiting for me when I came home on weekends from college. She was a gifted artist who painted with oils on canvas and powdered sugar icing on cookies for the grandkids. She was not one for socializing and always preferred being alone or with just my dad for as long as I can remember. In their later years they planted a plot of Illinois prairie, spending many hours walking along old abandoned railroad tracks, collecting seeds and small plants, cultivating them and hoping to preserve a bit of living history in their backyard. She was a helpmeet for my dad in the truest sense of the word, helping him in business, sharing in his joys and sorrows. When he died, it only made sense to welcome her into our home.

Over the years her health began to deteriorate, especially in the past few months as dementia began to take its toll but we kept on accommodating her needs as well as we could. But even in recent weeks she looked forward to eating dinner around the table with us and loved participating in both our after dinner devotions and prayer time. To the last, just days before she died, she thanked God for the Bible and asked for wisdom for all of us to life lives in obedience to it.

I often wondered how she had adapted so well to our loud and boisterous home, knowing it must have been a challenge for her. One day last summer she said to me, “Karen, you know living in your home has been the happiest time of my life.” As much as she adored my dad, I believe this was true. She is surely missed.

*I had to correct this when Will pointed out to me this morning that it was, indeed, Mussolini who was hanged upside down and not Stalin! Leave it to Will to catch this!

This is her obituary as it will appear in local newspapers this week:

Elizabeth June (Betty) Allen, 90, of 352 W. Elm St., Canton, formerly of Farmington, passed away on Wednesday, April 17^th, at St. Francis Hospital in Peoria.

She was born on June 23, 1922 in Minonk, Illinois, the daughter of Nelson James Hewitt and Mary (Wagoner) Hewitt. She married Kenneth Allen on February 7, 1942 in Farmington and was happily married until his death on January 19, 1994.

Survivors include one daughter, Karen Campbell (Clay), Canton, with whom she made her home for the past 19 years, and one sister, Grace Anne Noble (Wild Bill), of Gilbert, Arizona. She also leaves behind 6 grandchildren: Mollie Greene (Aaron) of Greenville, S.C., Clayton Campbell (Stacie) of Bakersfield, CA, Sam Campbell (Janel) of Charleston, S.C., Ben Campbell (Julie) of Nashville TN, Will Campbell and Joe Campbell, both of Canton, and 14 great-grandchildren: Henry, Jude, Lola, and Dot Greene; Penelope, Dowen, and Lucy Campbell; Samuel, Ethan, Vienna, Alexander, and Isaac Campbell, and Jenny and Odette Campbell. She was preceded in death by three brothers: James, Robert, and Paul Hewitt, four sisters: Pearl England, Marie Black, Edith Mingus, and Joy Miller, and one great-grandson, Calvin Campbell.

After graduating from Farmington High School, Betty worked at Caterpillar during WW2 and helped her husband in his hardware store and appliance repair businesses. She loved being a homemaker and was an accomplished oil painter and an avid reader, especially enjoying history and biographies. Her greatest delight was her grandchildren. She spent many years teaching 3^rd and 4^th grade Sunday school and as a deaconess at the First Baptist Church in Farmington where she was a member for over 80 years. She was a born-again Christian who trusted Jesus Christ and His grace alone for her salvation.

Services will be held on Saturday, April 27^th at 10:30 am at the First Baptist Church in Farmington with Pastor Matt Morgan officiating and burial will be in Oak Ridge Cemetery. Memorials may be made to the Open Hearts Open Homes Adoption Fund at Bethany Baptist Church, 7422 North Heinz Lane, Edwards, IL 61528.”

Elizabeth June Allen

(1922-2013)

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