Since March is the month this year when Clay works incredibly long hours, I am getting into my spring cleaning project mode a little earlier than usual. I want to totally reorganize my kitchen, hoping to leave almost all the counter surface space free for working. I have been trying to introduce many more fresh foods into our diet, which calls for lots more preparation space. So I have a list of things I hope to accomplish, based on my goals for the use of my kitchen.

I also want the room to be aesthetically pleasing to me so I am putting my jars of whole grains out where I can enjoy looking at them. I am sewing new curtains for the pantry shelves and windows. I am adding fresh, bright color and replacing cookbooks with vintage enamelware and Fiesta tea cups. It makes me smile to think of it.

Yes, I have a list and intend to check off every item on it during the next few weeks.

And it is my list for my own kitchen.

I had been working through my project list yesterday, when I came across articles online that made me think about those who make “biblical” lists for others (not to mention JD’s comments on this blog about manliness). One of them involved whether or not women ought to wear skirts or pants, a discussion I am tired of, frankly; the arguments are so foolish. Full disclosure time: when I was homeschooling little ones and was always needing a Kleenex, marker, rubber band, glue stick, nail file, diaper pin, eraser, twist tie, and who knows what else, I took Mary Pride’s advice and wore bib overalls. The pockets were great for keeping track of these things, they could be worn several days in a row before washing, and any milk leakage while nursing was hidden away. I did put on a bit of make-up and wear cute shirts under them. But I digress.

The second article I read was about girls having “come hither” looks, which, of course was pretty subjective. The amusing part of that discussion was that the homeschooling mom who was so concerned was challenged by a commenter who accused her of having her own “come hither” look on her blog photo. Of course, the discussion then involved the subjective nature of the whole thing in the first place, though obviously both women thought their own interpretations of the “come hither” look was the right one and that they were each being objective. Which, of course, will always be the result when a man’s (or woman’s) agenda is elevated to the place of Scripture.

And then the last thing I read involved Michelle Duggar’s handout for women entitled “Seven Basic Needs of a Husband” which was shown on a recent episode of her television show. Having marinated in the Bill Gothard materials for a number of years, I immediately recognized the telltale IBLP font and the magic number 7 for outlining Gothard’s principles. While the assumption is that these apply to all men, they don’t. On this list are preferences and their applications, things that might apply to some husbands but not necessarily to all husbands.

It was like JD’s assertion that manliness requires hunting and fishing and skinning rabbits, lest a boy grow up and watch porn. Maybe for some men and boys, that could be a purposed formula. {{{{{shrug}}}}} But it certainly does not apply to all men and, of course, is nowhere to be found in Scripture so it is certainly not a command.

In fact, Scripture does tell us how we are lead into sinful sexual behavior, “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire” (James 1:14) and it gives us commands for dealing with lust: “If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.” (Matthew 5:29-30) In other words, we are to take serious steps to avoid those things which cause us to succumb to things that are a temptation.

Which brings me to the list.

I think we as homeschooling moms can be so easily tempted into sin, to the the very real lusts of the flesh, by the lists of others; we are, in many ways, far more peer dependent than our children. As if being a mom isn’t guilt-inducing enough, because we are the educators of our kids, too, we desperately want to do it right on a number of levels. And because we are Christians, our greatest desire is to raise children who love the Lord and who live godly lives. So how easy it is for us to want to jump on the list bandwagon and embrace the path someone lays out for us. If they label it “biblical,” we are all the more susceptible! So how do we avoid this? Well, here is my list that helps me avoid lists.

1. I imagine I am looking at someone else’s grocery list, things that are helpful to the person who made the list but not necessarily things I will buy for me or my family. Like shopping for food, the principle is what matters…my family has to eat. But the specific items on the list are pretty subjective: some people want black olives, some want green. There are 2% milk drinkers, there are skim milk drinkers, there are whole milk drinkers, there are raw milk drinkers. Which of these things belong on my list for my family? Both kinds of olives and 2% milk!

The same is true for personal lifestyle lists. There will be a principle: seek to delight and bless your own children and your own husband, for example. But how I plan to do that will look personal to my own family. If I were to follow Michelle Duggar’s advice and attempt to teach my husband the nuances of women’s hairstyles, it would be absurd. In fact, learning about women’s hair is near if not at the bottom of his personal delight list!

2.Before I make any changes, ie, add items to my list, I take a long look at the person who owns the list. In the grocery store, I would be inclined to ignore any nutrition advice from an enormous man with a cart full of Marshmallow Creme wouldn’t I? I have the same response to someone who offers me a recipe for legalistic man made fluff rather than spiritual nourishment, a stone rather than the Bread of Life, bitter drink rather than the Spring of Living Water. If someone’s list leaves a bad taste in my mouth, I recognize it for what it is and toss it out.

3.The only lists I will fully embrace are ones that are commands (or warnings) from the Word of God. I purpose to practice the list of one anothers. I will understand and avoid the desires of the flesh and embrace the fruits of the spirit in my own life. (Galatians 5:16-25.) These are the lists I will keep.

4.I will keep away from professional list makers. 1 John 2:16 warns us: “For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer talked about “cheap grace,” grace that is sold like “cheap Jack’s wares.” The grace of God offered to us is anything but cheap. It was paid for by Jesus on the cross. Cheap man made lists have the tendency to make you think that if you do the things on the list, you have really accomplished something, especially if the word “biblical” is attached. The truth is that we cannot do anything apart from the grace of God.

Especially keep a list!

I have been trying to keep the Relationship Homeschooling Facebook page updated with all sorts of links to project ideas for kids of all ages as well as mommy inspiration, like the website pictured above, to promote the precious relationship building that is central to successful homeschooling. If you haven’t yet joined, please come on over, click “LIKE” and invite all your friends!

During my second year at a Christian university, I enrolled in a 5 hour class called The Humanity of Christ. During the semester, we spent countless hours dissecting the ramifications of a creator God who came to earth as a human being. At the end of the course, there was one central conclusion we all could make: the incarnation is a great and wonderful mystery.

I was thinking about that class and the humanity of Jesus a couple months ago as we anticipated the Christmas season. It gave me pause to consider what we know of his human parents and the type of home where Jesus grew up as a little boy.  It made me wonder about Joseph and Mary’s parenting style!

As a mom, it isn’t difficult for me to consider the beginning of Mary’s life as a mother. I was enormously pregnant the one year our family was asked to light the Advent candle during the Christmas Eve service and as I waddled to the front of the church, I imagined Mary riding a donkey with a tummy as huge as my own!  Afterwards, many people came up to me and shared how real the reading of the Gospel of Luke had been to them that night, as well, how my “being with child” brought the humanity of Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus into clearer focus for them.

When I think of Mary, I think of her giving birth in a crude stable, caring for a tiny baby without older women to assist, of a woman who raised a little boy and then saw him become a man of miracles, eventually to die a criminal’s death while she looked on.  I often wonder how many times she cried out to God to give her wisdom and grace to be the mother of Jesus.

And I wonder if her own mom and dad were hand-on grandparents who babysat for Jesus and played outside with him on sunny days. I wonder how they responded to the Gospel message of their precious grandson and if they were there at Calvary. These are all things I have pondered in my heart as I think of my own family and wonder about the relationship Jesus had with his earthly family.

And what do we know of Joseph? Their marriage had a rocky start, that is for sure. Joseph knew that he had not fathered Mary’s child. He also knew that by law he could put her away, that is, divorce her, as a betrothal was considered as binding as a marriage at that time. He also could have turned her over to the authorities to be put to death by stoning, as fornication and adultery were punishable by death. He also could have taken her to court to sue her for her dowry and if he had paid any bride price for her, he could surely have been reimbursed. Her public shame could have been increased by the fact that he only needed to call on the elders or leaders in their village to assist him, making sure he got all that was coming to him and be sure his good name was cleared.

We are told that Joseph was a righteous man, that is, a man who knew the law, a man who loved and obeyed it. And yet Matthew 1:19 says “Because Joseph, her husband, was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.”

The word disgrace in this context means “to show alongside to the public, to expose to infamy, to expose to open shame.” Joseph, because he was a righteous man, chose the opposite of disgrace, he chose to bestow grace on Mary. Disgrace equals shame which is the opposite of showing grace to another!

Doesn’t this give us insight into the type of household Jesus was raised in? His father was a righteous man, a man who practiced grace!

How often as a mom have I chosen the path of reigning down the law on my children? How often have I decided to “teach a lesson,” so to speak, when I had every right to do so? How often have I chosen punishment over grace? How often have I used various means to shame my kids into the behavior I want to see. And yet, we are told that Joseph was a righteous man because he chose the path of grace rather than the path of disgrace!

Lord, forgive me for the many, many times I have not behaved in a righteous manner with my children. Thank you for the infinite, amazing grace you extend to me! Give me wisdom to extend that same grace to them!

I recently bought a Pullman bread pan and let me tell you, I keep wondering where it has been all my life! After reading the Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day blog, I had been convinced that bread that is perfectly shaped for sandwiches and French toast, not to mention regular toast, was only a Pullman pan away. My pan arrived this week and here are the results! I used the basic Artisan in 5 recipe for whole wheat bread, though I had to substitute about half of the flour with white flour and cracked wheat because I hadn’t realized my pantry had gotten that low! That is golden flax seed sprinkled on top…delicious! You may now go back to your regular program!

For the past 10 years or so, I have made Clay a fabulous cheesecake as an anniversary dinner dessert. This year’s takes the, well, takes the cheesecake! Adapted from Mel’s recipe, here is this year’s deliciousness.  Trust me, it is fabulous!

Heath Bar Cookie Dough Cheesecake

Cookie dough:

½ cup softened butter

½ cup sugar

½ cup firmly packed light or dark brown sugar

2 TBS milk (I used half and half)

1 TBS vanilla extract

1 cup all-purpose flour

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 cup toffee bits (or chopped Heath Bar) (will need 1 more cup for batter and more for garnish.)

Mix together and roll into small balls, about 1” in diameter.  Arrange on cookie sheet lined with parchment paper and place in freezer for half an hour or so. At this point you will want to put on an episode of Downton Abbey, make a pot of tea, and start downing these babies. Try to resist.)

Crust

20 graham cracker squares, ground in food processor or smooshed into fine crumbs.

¼ cup melted butter

Mix together and press into bottom of spring form pan.

Cheesecake batter:

4 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, softened to room temperature

1 cup sugar

4 large eggs

1 teaspoon all-purpose flour

1 TBS vanilla

1 cup sour cream

Cream together cream cheese and sugar; add one egg at a time, beating until fluffy.  Add flour, sour cream, and vanilla.

To assemble:

Pour half of cheesecake batter in pan on top of crust.  (Note: I do not bake my crust separately first because I think it tastes burnt.)

Fold in all the cookie dough balls and 1 more cup of toffee bits into the remaining batter and spread on top of batter in pan.

Bake at 325 degrees for 1 hour.  Turn off oven and prop open door with a wooden spoon, allowing cheesecake to cool down in oven for about 30 minutes.  Remove from oven and place on wire rack to cool completely.  Chill in fridge for several hours (overnight is better) and remove from pan when ready to serve by running a sharp knife around outside of pan before unlatching. Top each slice with more toffee bits and prepare to have rose petals and maybe money thrown at your feet. It is seriously that awesomely delicious!  Makes 12 servings.

and the sparks are still flying!  Happy Anniversary, Clay.  I love you with all my heart!!!

Click here to view the embedded video.

“And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’” ~ Matthew 25:40

For a full listing of articles and links about Michael Pearl and others who hold to these teachings, type in “Michael Pearl” to the search engine at the top right of this website under the mast.

We woke up one day last week to the first snowfall of the season, gentle white flakes touching down, slowly covering the muddy front lawn. It continued all day, the wind picking up, forming small drifts here and there.  I was happy for the snow as it made it a little more bearable to take down my Christmas tree and tuck away the family traditions along with it for another year.

White and pristine was my world, reminding me of the Lord’s promise that He will make our scarlet sins as white as snow. He is the great Purifier, the Cleanser of my Soul.  Such a comfort that is to me!

I have been thinking so much about the concept of purity in the past couple weeks, first as I have enjoyed the sweet innocence of a house full of little ones. They look at everything in wonder, their bright little eyes reflect their own worlds, yet untouched by those things that threaten to darken all of us. How do we protect our precious girls from those things? How do we protect our dear boys, our sons and grandsons? But more accurately, how do each of us, men, women, boys and girls, keep our hearts and minds pure in a world that ignores and even devalues the concept of purity? And how do we do this when modern evangelicalism tells us that it has to do primarily with sexuality and then spends so much time talking about it?

Recently reading excerpts from Mark Driscoll’s latest book along with seeing some of his teaching videos has left me feeling the need to retreat into a safe place and take a bubble bath for my very soul. I keep asking myself what has become of the evangelical church when it welcomes one man’s graphic sexual fantasies as “marriage counseling.” Or, what is wrong with the body of Christ when pastor and author Ed Young spends a weekend in bed with his wife on the roof of his church to promote sex? Apparently I am not alone as even Wade Burleson has weighed in on this one.  Purity, it seems, is a relative term and doesn’t apply to all people all the time.

But it isn’t only Pastor Young’s actions or Driscoll’s explicit language that bothers me about the latest public discussions about moral purity, Christians, and sexuality.  What really alarms me is that in so many places there are mixed messages about what purity actually is along with a double standard for purity that says it is somehow more important for girls to be pure than it is for boys. Oh, there is a hat tip to the rest of us, but most of the programs and so-called “ministries” seem to target young women and I am wondering why. And often it is measured by arbitrary ideals rather than the Lord’s standards.  Why, for example, is a woman’s outward appearance so central to the discussion?

After spending some time reading some of the current evangelical thought on women and purity, here are some of the messages I think are being sent and the links for you to read yourself. As always, I look forward to your thoughts.

Being a truly morally pure wife and mom probably isn’t sexy.

Back when Ted Haggard’s homosexual affairs became public, Driscoll suggested that this could be a temptation for other pastors since their wives often tend to let themselves go. He went on to share that he had had to straighten his own wife out on her wardrobe, ultimately telling her to stop “dressing like a mom.”  In his latest publication he goes on to share this story: ”My  pregnant wife came home from a hair appointment with her previously long hair that I loved chopped off and replaced with a short, mommish haircut. She asked what I thought. She could tell by the look on my face.  She had put a mom’s need for convenience before being a wife. She wept.”  Add this agenda to his assertion that young men who grow up in our “porn culture” have certain expectations regarding sexual practices, mix in a hearty dose of unbiblical gender roles, and one can only imagine the trips being placed on wives.

I’m sorry, but not only does Driscoll wear his own hair exactly like all my babies wore theirs, curled on top, but this is some of the most big baby behavior I have ever seen in a man. I am so sad that a “young, restless, and reformed” body of young men look to this man as a role model. And what message is this giving to young women? That looking “like a mom,” whatever that means, isn’t appealing to husbands? That women sin if they have their own preferences of style and taste? That the world is right and sex is only for young and attractive women, as defined by our post-Christian culture? Where is the sense of purity in this?

Compare this to the young husband and father I know who came through a particularly difficult time of labor and childbirth with his wife only to exclaim that he had never seen a more beautiful and lovely woman than his wife at that moment! That is the message those desiring to promote sexual purity need to be handing out!

A morally pure young woman must see herself as a princess who is outwardly beautiful and vulnerable.

A few years ago during one of my mom’s retreats, I had the women each decorate and wear crowns, not because I wanted them to envision themselves as some sort of helpless princess in need of rescue or a queen-of-everything mom who runs the show at home.  Rather, I hoped to convey that day, especially through our Bible study in 1 Peter, that we, as women, are part of a royal priesthood, women who have been given a calling of our own from the Lord, women who have been “ordained” before the foundations of the world to bring Him glory.

In contrast to this, many young Christian women are encouraged to see themselves as princesses, emphasizing outward beauty, passivity, and the need to always be under a man’s protection.  Of course, women ARE children of their heavenly father who is the King of Kings, but nowhere does Scripture admonish us to be princesses.  In fact, all believers are called to grow up in the fullness of our salvation, (1 Peter 2:2) becoming mature Christians.

I so appreciated reading author Laura Robinson’s thoughts on this subject and believe she has summed it up so well after being exposed to John and Stasi Eldridge’s nonsense:  “I am not a princess….It’s not bad news. It’s great news, actually. God has called me, has called all of us, not to a life of childlike sentimentality but to concrete hope and service in Him through discipleship.”

Doesn’t this make you think of Amy Carmichael and Gladys Alward? These women are among the greatest examples of godly womanhood in modern church history and yet they saw themselves as part of a royal priesthood, as the Lord’s servants who thought not of themselves but of others, to the glory of His Heavenly Kingdom. They enjoyed purity because their lives were focused on Jesus and others rather than themselves.

Moral purity is all about a young, single girl’s virginity and its oversight by her father.

A couple weeks ago I watched a documentary on Randy Wilson’s purity balls, which also was recently featured on a major television news program. Purity balls are a black tie dinner and dance for fathers and daughters to attend together where the emphasis is on exacting a commitment from daughters to their fathers that they will remain virgins until marriage. Also central to Wilson’s ministry is a father’s committing to protecting a daughter’s virginity and signing a pledge to become a “High Priest” of the home, both of these principles being played out in a variety of troubling ways. One young woman summed up the idolatry in her experience by saying “I realized what a privilege it was to be able to spend a night with my dad as he imparted glory and purity into my life.”

Wilson’s wife, Lisa, says that they wanted to create an event with “elegance, romance and extravagance, all the things girls find attractive” in a way that would “touch the intrinsic soul of a daughter” and leave her saying “I am beautiful and worthy of being pursued.”  This is to be stressed and enforced by the father and a girl is to learn that her sexuality never belongs to her but rather first to a father and then to a husband.  Organizers of this even state that “such an impregnable wall of fathers is what is necessary to see a movement grow that changes the course of our nation’s s history.” Note to self: more dominion theology rhetoric. It is the Gospel of grace alone that changes peoples’ hearts and lives.

I have known really lovely and intelligent girls who have participated in purity ball ministries but I’m certain it wasn’t at all like the stunning display shown here.  (Be sure to watch all 4 episodes for the whole message, otherwise you will miss many of the more dangerous nuances.)

Click here to view the embedded video.

Even more interesting than this piece was a master’s thesis on the purity movement by Holly Adams Phillips entitled To Cover Our Daughters: A Modern Chastity Ritual in Evangelical America. While I don’t necessarily agree with all of her conclusions, I found some of the research she did into the ramifications of these teachings to be fascinating. Her insights into child development and autonomy, for example, I believe, are worthy of consideration. She also demonstrates how some of the very means of protecting young women are, in fact, making them more vulnerable.

Phillips concludes by saying “The Purity Ball’s overt agenda, purity, is supposed to be addressing, according to the fathers, the increased sexualization of America’s daughters in a way that defies popular culture.  However, are not the labels of virgin or pure just as much sexual labels as “slut or whore.”  I would like to argue that the characterizations of a young girl’s status as sexually active or not are in both cases is sexualization of a girl.”  Indeed, Stacy McDonald chose Raising Maidens of Virtue as her book title because it sounded more appropriate than labeling daughters “young virgins,”yet is still conveys the same emphasis, that of a daughter’s value being entwined with her sexuality.

I believe this is truly at the core of the current discussion on sexuality in evangelicalism: in seeking to promote sexual purity, whether through endless discussions of modesty in dress or in defining their roles ad nauseum, women and girls are, in fact, sexualized and, in the process, demeaned. Under the guise of “purity” the messages are mixed and confusing.

In reality, true moral purity comes from a life focused on Jesus Christ and serving others. Why don’t we hear this? Probably because it isn’t sexy enough.

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another. But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”~ Galatians 5:13-23

 “I don’t want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone’s garden. I want to be there with children’s sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”   ~  Marjorie Pay Hinckley

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  ~  Isaiah 41:10

When Clay was in the army, part of his airborne training involved a tour of the “rigger shack,” the building where all of the parachutes were packed prior to a jump. The large room was filled with long tables that could hold one chute at a time, the lines and chords stretched out so they could be examined before and after each use.  A specially trained “rigger” looked for tears and repaired them and removed sticks, leaves, and other debris left over from the previous jump. He straightened the chords, untangling each one, adjusting and readjusting until they were precise. He then meticulously repacked each chute, smoothing out each wrinkle, adjusting each line, accordion-folding each one. Not only were the lives of each of the troops on that base at stake but his own was as well, since all riggers must also be airborne qualified. Perfection, it seemed, was required for a flawless jump.

The whole procedure was quite impressive, until the last step.  Eyeing the carefully arranged chute, the rigger reached down and ruffled the fabric, leaving several random wrinkles, and then he finished his folding and packed the chute into its back pack. In response to the surprised expressions of his audience, he explained that there needed to be some pocket of the fabric that would catch the wind as the troops exited the airplane. If that wrinkle was not there, he warned, they could experience what is called a “cigarette roll,” where the chute cannot catch the wind to open, causing it to stream down behind the jumper, resulting in emergency measures and sometimes death.

To be sure, God requires perfection. His command to us is “Be ye perfect for I am perfect.”  But apart from the saving work of Jesus Christ who IS our righteousness, we cannot be perfect. In fact, all our righteousness (good works), we are told, are like filthy rags. We have absolutely nothing to offer God; any goodness in us is solely and wholly a gift from His perfect and righteous hand, His righteousness in and through and over us.

I think God is very much like that rigger.  His idea of perfection involves placing wrinkles in our path, marring what we perceive to be our own flawlessness so that His work alone will bring success!  Think about that today as you prepare for your next “jump.” Welcome the wrinkles, knowing they are the Lord’s means for raising you up to new heights and bringing you to a safe landing, for His glory!