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what would my grandmas think about complementarianism? (part one)

Published August 10, 2012

 

During the 1996 presidential primaries, Senator Phil Gramm from Texas introduced us to his friend “Dickey Flatt” who owned a family printing business that had been started by his parents. Gramm said that every time he was faced with a vote to spend government funds, he would put it through his “Dickey Flatt test,” that is, he would consider how his actions would affect Mr. Flatt and millions like him in real life.

I use a similar barometer when I write and speak about things I think are important.  I ask myself what the needs are of those in my audience, how I can present information and ideas and provoke thought along the way. I reflect on the truth of what I am sharing and how it will affect those who read or hear it. And most importantly, I ask myself  “Will it draw others closer to Jesus or place stumbling blocks in the path?”  In order to do this, I always put things through my own “Dickey Flatt test.”

Now, of course, Scripture is the standard of all truth so I am talking about the application of that truth, the working out of our salvation in fear and trembling as it were.  This is where I lay down my WWMGT test.  The “What Would My Grandmas Think?” test.

I have written about both of my grandmas in the past but let me share a brief bio.

My “country” grandma went to school through the 8th grade and came to a saving faith in Jesus Christ while she was a young girl who came from Missouri to Illinois to work as a household helper on a large farm. She married at 18 and raised three sons during the Great Depression, feeding everyone from her large garden and amazing pantry. She taught me how to embroider and quilt and make to-die-for bread stuffing for the Thanksgiving turkey. Her pie crusts were terrible but it didn’t stop her from baking into a pie anything and everything that grew on their tiny farm. She was a straight talker and didn’t hesitate to ask if she didn’t know something. She always said “I’m from Missouri, you have to show me.” Once in the mid-70’s she saw Phil Donahue interview a gay couple and asked me, “How DO they have sex, anyway?” Bless her heart. She was so resourceful and frugal that when she died we found a tattered old journal where she wrote down how much she had spent for nearly every single thing she had ever purchased. We also found a secret bank account where she had been stashing pension money, nearly $40,000.00 worth of it.

My other grandma, my “city” grandma actually lived in a small town in a pre-civil war Italianate house with 14 foot ceilings and marble fireplaces; my grandpa had bought it with cash shortly before the Crash of ’29. She raised nine children in that old home, its unusual contents telling the family stories: a large bearskin rug from their drive to Alaska before it was even a state, the basket made from an armadillo, the real Indian skeletons in a glass case on the wall, dug up by my grandpa and his older children during a “free dig” at Dixon Mounds in the 1930’s. Before she was the mother in this house, though, my grandma was raised in a strict Catholic household where her two younger sisters grew up to be nuns. My grandma became a born again Christian and a Baptist when she married my grandpa and thus began her lifelong love for the Scriptures. As long as I knew her she taught the adult Sunday School class in the church; even the seminary-trained pastors were often found sitting around her dining room table talking with her about theology. Her life was rough and so was my grandpa, who rarely attended church, smoked a stinky cigar, and left her a young widow in her mid fifties. To this day I still meet couples who have been married for more than 50 years who tell me my grandma’s counsel saved their marriages.  The picture of with her open Bible on a metal table near her favorite chair in the living room is how I best remember her.

These two women came of age during an era of great change. They both remembered when women first won the right to vote, my “country” grandma only marking her ballot for the candidate of my grandpa’s choosing while my “city” grandma openly explained to those she discipled what it means to apply a Biblical worldview in all areas of life, including the voting booth. They married and raised children and cared for the needy during the Depression and saw sons and sons-in-laws and brothers and husbands go off to fight wars in both the European and Pacific theaters during WW2.   And in the midst of it, they clung to their faith in a living God who gave them the Gospel and drew them to Himself every day.

During the years my “city grandma” taught Sunday school and my “country grandma” worked in the little Baptist church that sat no more than 50 feet from her vegetable garden, it didn’t really matter who did what in their homes or in the church, somebody just did it.  Because my grandpas traveled far and worked long hours in the coal mines, often leaving before the children were up and arriving home long past their bedtime, it was up to these women to introduce Jesus to their little ones. They taught them from their Bibles and memorized the Word right along beside them.

My “city” grandma was a voracious reader and drank deeply from concordances and Bible commentaries simply because she believed the Bible to be God’s word to her!  When Moody Bible Institute began their first radio broadcasts, she tuned in, taking notes and sending for study helps for various programs. Not once did it occur to her that this was only for the men folk!  She was a Martha and a Mary, often preparing delicious meals to welcome church visitors, including the two older sister evangelists, Fran and Winnie, who both sang and preached during special meetings; my grandma delighted in those times of deep spiritual discussion as they shared dinner. No one reprimanded her for teaching and speaking and taking leadership at home or in the church simply because of her gender. They welcomed it because she was using gifts the Lord had given to her. In my grandmas’ day, there were no “waves” of feminism, white-washed or otherwise, and there was no name calling or labeling. There was no “role playing” or even a discussion of a proper place for these women. There was simply these women and many more like them purposing to live as believing wives, moms and grandmothers, by grace, every single day.

So, I ask myself, WWMGT? What would my grandmas think? About the word “complementarian.” About the labels and the theologians who insist on using them.  About silly teachings like the Piper “cone of silence.” About the idea that adversarial rather than redeemed relationships are the standard, that inorganic role-playing should be taught to daughters and granddaughters and great-granddaughters? I am pretty sure I know.

In part two, I will be looking at WWMGT about “Gospel Sex.”

 

16 Responses to what would my grandmas think about complementarianism? (part one)

  • Thinking about this says:
    August 10, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    In light of what you wrote above, you may find this guy’s facebook page either infuriating or comical. Perhaps both. But dare don’t post your opinion, as he will just say you aren’t really saved.

    https://www.facebook.com/jamesthepreacher

    This guy associates with one of the churches we used to attend. He has LOTS of nasty stuff to say about women.

    On another note, what you wrote above about your Grandmas is so encouraging and refreshing!

    My own husband has worked long and horrible hours, and I am the one who feels like she’s “doing it all”. When I followed the patriarchal lifestyle, it was very hard for me to not struggle with bitterness towards my husband.

    I still do have a “bitter” moment every now and then. But reading about your both of your grandma’s hard work in the “non-traditional” way, really does inspire and encourage me. ♥

  • C.L. Dyck says:
    August 10, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    >About silly teachings like the Piper “cone of silence.”

    This I have not heard of. What is this? All that comes to mind is Maxwell Smart…

  • thatmom says:
    August 11, 2012 at 7:35 am

    I think I had heard about that guy before, thinking about. In fact, for some reason I feel like I had interactions with him at some time in the past. {{{{{shudder}}}}}

    You know, the homeschooling lifestyle, for the most part, is a mom doing the bulk of the day to day routine stuff. It is just a fact and one that the patrios need to recognize and quit assuming they are the ones in charge. Homeschooling requires a partnership between the mom and dad and even with the kids in many ways. As soon as everyone realizes they are part of the team, which, hopefully is right from the start, and “owns” what the family is doing, things begin to run smoothly. Again, this is why, for the life of me, I don’t get starting the whole shebang called family with the assumption that kids are “vipers in diapers” (Voddie Baucham) etc. Life is hard enough. When kids realize they are a crucial part of the whole deal, they not only own it but protect it, promote it, and prefer it!

  • Laura(southernxyl) says:
    August 11, 2012 at 8:05 am

    Vipers in diapers? Ow.

    I’ve thought about my own grandparents’ marriage – just my mother’s, because my paternal grandfather died before I was born and I don’t know much about his.

    My grandparents had a farm and everyone, including the eight kids, had to work the fields. I know my grandmother was very submissive and he was pretty unpleasantly dismissive of her needs sometimes. And she was very, very spiritual and took Bible study seriously while I never saw any indication that he gave it a thought. But part of the complementary aspect of their marriage was their differing areas of authority and responsibility. My grandfather determined what crops to put in when and where. My grandmother was in charge of the chickens and other household animals, so to speak, although I guess they worked together on the pigs and so forth, and she had her kitchen garden, which fed the family on a daily basis. She would not have asked him if she had enough tomatoes and needed more okra this year, or whatever, and he would not have appreciated it if she had, because feeding everyone was her responsibility.

    So it definitely was a partnership because neither could have done what they did without the other. The fact that there are differing roles for people in the partnership does not bother me at all. The things that bother me are when there is hierarchy, and when forces outside the family try to dictate who does what.

  • thatmom says:
    August 11, 2012 at 8:50 am

    “So it definitely was a partnership because neither could have done what they did without the other. The fact that there are differing roles for people in the partnership does not bother me at all. The things that bother me are when there is hierarchy, and when forces outside the family try to dictate who does what.”

    This is EXACTLY right, Laura! And this is also EXACTLY what is happening via those who are currently pushing “patriarchy” and “patriocentricity” and even “complementarity” in spite of what Mary Kassian thinks or says. This is not the vision I believe Mary had when she helped coin the phrase “complementarian.”

    One of the voices most respected voices for complementarity these days is a young man/pastor named David Platt.

    Here is a brief bio of him:

    http://www.brookhills.org/new/pastor.html

    Here is a link to a presentation he did on this topic. There is very much a prescribed role. As there is with Nancy Leigh DeMoss.) And according to Platt it should determine how we educate our sons and daughters in different ways. Again, who does this all sound like?

    http://www.radical.net/media/schurch/view/871/secret-church-family-marriage-sex-and-the-gospel-part-2

  • Laura(southernxyl) says:
    August 11, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Wow, he very much contradicts himself all through this thing. We’re created with equal dignity and worth, but then “God named the human race ‘man,’ not ‘woman.’”

    And then “men and women were created to complement one another” but “1 Corinthians 11, ‘Man was not made for woman, but woman for man.’”

    Of course, in that whole passage if you read it straight through Paul appears to contradict himself:

    7 A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man. 8 For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; 9 neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. 10 It is for this reason that a woman ought to have authority over her own head, because of the angels. 11 Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. 12 For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.

    It’s hard to reconcile this one passage within itself, unless the second part is read as a response and correction to the first part; I’m reluctant to assert this without evidence but at least it makes the whole thing less a nonsense. But if you’re going to quote verse 9 to back up your theology of the family, then I don’t think you can ignore verse 12 like it’s not there.

  • Thinking about this says:
    August 11, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    That guy is so messed up. I am not surprised you had dealings with him. And he’s probably the one that started the dealings, right? LOL! Ironically, he hates Jack Schaap.

    Yes, life is hard! I have a great husband…but we are definitely “non-traditional” and neither can we be. We have so many circumstances that just make it pretty much impossible for us to live the “patriarchy” lifestyle…even when we tried. Or when I tried, and tried to force my husband into that mold. (blush) (And isn’t that how it works most of the time anyway???)

    In “Bible College” I had the opportunity to date “true patriarchy” men…and for some reason I choose my “nerdy”, introverted, quiet and hard-working husband, who thinks women are people too and treats them with mutual respect.

    Instead of the loud, “confident” (i.e. arrogant),men who think they know everything,(which comes across as “spiritual”) and think women should do what they expect them to do.

    I really got an awesome husband, and I shutter to think where I would of been now, if I had chosen to date another man (He is kind of like that facebook profile) that was interested in me around the same time.

  • C.L. Dyck says:
    August 12, 2012 at 2:38 am

    @Karen, Putting your link together with the “Is it Wrong for Guys to Listen to Female Speakers” video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyT2fDrb0vo&feature=endscreen&NR=1

    –I think “the pulpit” is a Western symbol of pastoral authority, for one thing, and standing at it is a cultural gesture at best, and neutral at worst. Kind of like Max Smart’s technology. :) Revering the pulpit (or its general vicinity) seems to be an American “thing.” I don’t get it. It’s not what I would argue from to make the case in question.

    –It seemed to me that in the vid you linked, Piper relegated women to “children and youth” and women’s ministry. That’s equivalent with the churches I’ve attended in 17 years of being a Christian. That does not mean I’m personally comfortable with that as an interpretation of Scripture on the subject. I think it’s a great way to divide and conquer, and a denial of the assertion that husbands are to have an active participation in their wives’ spiritual lives. Homeschooling dominionism and patriocentricity have taught me just how much slips by men and into their households when they’re banned from the room because a woman is the teacher, and they mustn’t profane themselves by listening to what their wives are being taught.

    –”It’s not wrong unless you begin to rely on her as your shepherd.” Whathuh? Since when are the decrees of God (especially to a Calvinist/sovereigntist pastor) vested in our emotions and leanings and interpersonal situations? I’m not in favour of female head pastors because I do believe in a degree of symbology in the order of service, but this is a silly line of reasoning.

    –The “shepherd authority” thing, to me, is full of red flags. I’ve previously encountered it as a “strange doctrine” of American fundamentalism that goes beyond a symbolic order of service and infringes on men’s and women’s personhoods.

    Piper on submission to an abuser: http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=dFPkN3zKN2s

    Just sick. Why do these guys always go straight to “group sex”? It’s like they’re stuck in the Woodstock era. Also, “endures being smacked” (or, in this day and age, more likely “endures being sodomized due to Mark Driscoll’s legitimization of that sin in his ‘Christian sex book’”) does not lead to “goes to the church.” It leads to “goes to the police.” The church does not have the legal and civil authority to restrain the abuser and truly meet her need to be safe without violating the law in turn, and we’re to be subject to civil authorities, according to Scripture.

    So many things wrong there.

    As far as James the so-called Preacher…at a glance, what a joke, that guy.

    “Most lesbians are lesbians because they are too ugly to get a man.” (Aug. 2)

    “I am spending too much time on FB lately and will be off for a week.” (Aug. 6)

    “Just thought I would get on briefly to inform my “friends” that YT [YouTube] deleted my account today!” (Aug. 7)

    “When a friend of mine asked his pastor why the NT gives no commands for tithing to NT believers, the pastor responded…” (Aug. 10)

    “Our churches today (most of them) are…” (Aug. 11)

    “Beware of [redacted,] brethren as I am leery of any “believer” that condones and likes the Beatles, Pink Floyd etc.” (Aug. 11)

    LOL Yes, somebody does spend too much time on Facebook…apparently it’s a workable substitute for self-discipline and basic common sense.

  • thatmom says:
    August 12, 2012 at 6:59 am

    C.L.Dyck,

    Glad you posted those other links. First of all, this is a mark of the American culture in many ways and historical at all. And the point I was trying to make the other day….we do not see this pulpit model anywhere in Scripture. Also, Elisabeth Elliott often taught behind the pulpit and even on Sunday mornings. There have been people who testified in the comments on this blog to having heard her speak at their very conservative church. The point Piper SHOULD have been making is that it is wrong for ANYONE to see one other person other than the Holy Spirit through His Word as their main teacher. How many people have you heard quote from Piper way too many times even in a single sermon? And it would also have been an appropriate place to talk about being Bereans. The podcast next week deals with this issue, btw.

  • C.L. Dyck says:
    August 12, 2012 at 10:08 am

    >Elisabeth Elliott often taught behind the pulpit and even on Sunday mornings.

    John MacArthur has a study book on complementarianism in which he extols Elliott for her adamant refusal to take the pulpit in a pastoral role even when there was no “qualified man” on the mission field. So she wrote the sermon and instructed a native guy to speak it.

    I lost all intellectual respect for MacArthur’s study and Elliott’s complementarianism right there. Absurd. A) How is that avoiding “taking authority over”? B) What kind of farce might that have impressed upon the people she was trying to minister to regarding the nature and purpose of gathering as believers?

    >it is wrong for ANYONE to see one other person other than the Holy Spirit through His Word as their main teacher.

    Yes!

    >How many people have you heard quote from Piper way too many times even in a single sermon?

    {squirms} Including my own, a couple of times…

  • C.L. Dyck says:
    August 12, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Oh yeah, was going to add: One of my close friends was shocked that my past churches would have forbidden me to teach adult Sunday School to a mixed crowd. I was told, “In our church, only the head pastor position is reserved to a man. You would definitely be expected to take on responsibility for teaching in the S.S.”

    Having visited that church, it had a firmer stance on the Gospel and personal holiness than most of the ones I’ve attended over the years.

  • Becky says:
    August 12, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Glad you’re pointing out through your grandma’s stories that complementarianism is a relatively new phenomenon because it’s often portrayed as the opposite. I remember reading through a history book with my kids a couple years ago about how the World Wars affected women & their roles. I had always blamed feminism for everything wrong in the world (that’s only a slight exaggeration) so it was interesting for me to learn that women entered the work force and did jobs that were traditionally “men’s jobs” because it needed doing and they were available to do it. I think we have the luxury here in the modern US to worry about men & women’s roles…other times and places were/are too busy doing what needs to be done to be debating and limiting who should be doing what.

    Did Voddie B really say kids are vipers in diapers? That’s a new one to me.

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truth from the Word
"Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73: 25-26
more truth from the Word
"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." ~ Ephesians 4:32
Francis Chan says:
"Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter."
Tim Keller says:
"God’s love and forgiveness can pardon and restore any and every kind of sin or wrongdoing. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done. It doesn’t matter if you’ve deliberately oppressed or even murdered people, or how much you’ve abused yourself… There is no evil that the Father’s love cannot pardon and cover, there is no sin that is a match for his grace." ~ Tim Keller
Tim Keller also says:
“The Christian gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less.” ! Tim Keller in The Reason for God.
Oswald Chambers says:
"If we simply preach the effects of redemption in the human life instead of the revealed, divine truth regarding Jesus Himself, the result is not new birth in those who listen. The result is a refined religious lifestyle, and the Spirit of God cannot witness to it because such preaching is in a realm other than His." ~ Oswald Chambers
Phillip E. Johnson says:
“When pressed in interviews to name my heroes, I have spontaneously responded that they are homeschooling mothers! To me, the heroic mothers who nurture the next generation of faithful Christians are among the leaders of the church.” ~ Phillip E. Johnson
John Stonestreet says:
“C.S. Lewis said that for every new book we read, we ought to read three old ones. But I think for every latest, greatest new homeschooling book you read, go find three old homeschooling moms and ask them what happened and what worked.” ~ John Stonestreet
Carolyn Custis James says:
“The power of our theology comes alive when we take the truth personally. Holding God at arm’s length—no matter how much theology we think we know—will never make us great theologians. We have to learn to write our own names into the plot. God will always be the subject of our theological sentences but our sentences are incomplete until we make ourselves the direct objects of his attributes…..Simply knowing a lot of theological ideas, no matter how orthodox and sound they are, will never turn us into great theologians. Theology isn’t really theology for us until we live it. Not until we learn to make explicit connections between what we know about God and the race we are running will we taste the transforming power of our theology. Fixing our eyes on Jesus means reminding ourselves of all that He is to us now. He brings meaning to our routines and energizes us to tackle the difficult tasks at hand. Fixing our eyes on Jesus gives us hope to offer disheartened husbands and hurting friends, and the wisdom we need to raise children who will fix their eyes on Him, too.” ~ from Carolyn Custis James in When Life and Beliefs Collide
Anne Ortlund says:
“So what do we do to encourage them to grow inwardly, to become resourceful and creative, to think, to meditate, to lay the foundation for growing up well? Don’t push, but affirm them! Give them the sense that all is well, that their rate of progress is acceptable to you, that you like them just the way they are…..Guide them but be delighted in them. Let them know that life is to be reached for and drunk of deeply…..Enthusiastic, that’s how you want them to grow up! The word comes from “en Theo,” or “in God.” Support them with words of faith, hope, and love, and in that framework “in God,” they’ll be ready to tackle everything. Fears and cautions are built in at an early age but so is courage! Tomorrow’s world will be different if your child has been released to experiment, to risk, to lead others, to pursue righteousness, to be an affecter for good in society, to go courageously after God.” ~ Anne Ortlund in Children Are Wet Cement
J.C Ryle says:
"Kindness, gentleness, long-suffering, forbearance, patience, sympathy, a willingness to enter into childish troubles, a readiness to take part in childish joys, these are the cords by which a child may be led most easily, these are the clues you must follow if you would find the way to his heart." ~ J. C. Ryle in The Upper Room
Clay Clarkson says:
“Many Christian parents, myself included, tend to speak to children as though they were Pharisees. We can speak harshly and with judgment, implying by our manner that their hearts are hard and resistant. But this attitude is not justified by Scripture. There is no record of Jesus ever speaking to a a child in a harsh tone. When the Gospels record Him speaking to a child, it is always with gentleness. Our children are not our adversaries. Though our children’s hearts are corrupted by sin, they are not hardened sinners who have made conscious choices to reject the Savior. Our children are simply immature and childish. That’s why children need love and compassion, not harshness and guilt.” ~ Clay Clarkson in Heartfelt Discipline
Tim Kimmel says:
“Grace can’t be some abstract concept that you talk about in your home. It has to be a real-time action that ultimately imprints itself in your children’s hearts. To talk about grace, sing about grace, and have our children memorize verses about grace – but not give them specific gifts of grace – is to undermine God’s words of grace in their hearts. Grace means that God not only loves them but that He loves them uniquely and specially. The primary way to give our children grace is to offer it in place of our selfish preferences.” ~ Tim Kimmel in Grace-Based Parenting
Chuck Swindoll says:
"You want to mess up the minds of your children? Here's how - guaranteed! Rear them in a legalistic, tight context of external religion, where performance is more important than reality. Fake your faith. Sneak around and pretend your spirituality. Train your children to do the same. Embrace a long list of do's and don'ts publicly but hypocritically practice them privately...yet never own up to the fact that its hypocrisy. Act one way but live another. And you can count on it - emotional and spiritual damage will occur. "
Kathy Thile says:
"I say this gently, as the parent of grown kids, knowing *insert parenting guru* is also the parent of grown kids: we have wonderful children — he does, I’m sure — and so do I. But without even knowing his children I can know this about them: they are not perfect. They hurt. They make mistakes. They struggle. They are prideful and overly simplistic at times; and crippled by shame and hesitancy at others. Yes — they are beautiful examples of human beings, his children (I assume), and mine (I know.) But they are not perfect. If they were, they would not be human. If it were possible to raise children to perfection, then God would have sent a parenting method, not Jesus. Our marching orders are not to raise our children by a method to be like *insert parenting guru* children. Our marching orders are to be Christians to and with our children." ~ Kathy Thile
Anna Quindlen says:
“The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less." ~ Anna Quindlen
Winston Churchill says:
“My education was interrupted only by my schooling." ~ Winston Churchill
John Taylor Gatto says:
"The shocking possibility that dumb people don’t exist in sufficient numbers to warrant the millions of careers devoted to tending them will seem incredible to you. Yet that is my central proposition: the mass dumbness which justifies official schooling first had to be dreamed of; it isn’t real." ~ John Taylor Gatto
Fred Rogers say:
“Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.” ~ Fred Rogers
thatmom says
"The truth is that the way a marriage becomes truly heavenly is for each husband and each wife to pursue, really pursue, a relationship with Jesus Christ, to commit to obey the Word of God, to set aside each of their own agendas and paradigms, and then as they walk in the Holy Spirit, as they are sanctified, a little at a time each day, they will grow closer to one another. Godly wisdom will manifest itself in purity, peace, gentleness, mercy, a willingness to submit to one another, the fruits of the spirit, and no role-playing (the true meaning of hypocrisy). (James 3:17)" ~ thatmom
thatmom says:
"We need to approach our children not as character projects, but rather, we must see them with hearts of sympathy, with compassion and understanding, and with ears that listen. You see, homeschooling is not about lesson plans and research papers and standardized tests. Homeschooling is about building a relationship with our children, friendships that will last our entire lives on earth and clear into eternity. Homeschooling is merely the tool whereby we build those relationships." ~ thatmom
thatmom knows:
As a homeschooling mom, I have realized that everything, ultimately, is outside of my own control. I have learned that the unique circumstances that happen in my family have occurred because God’s plan is so much bigger than my own. It is knowing this truth about God and in experiencing that truth with those in my home that has enabled us to face past challenges and that will prepare us for all those difficulties that still lie before us.
thatmom realizes:
If I think about 37 years of marriage, times the number of loads of laundry I have done for 2 parents, 6 children and 1 grandma, I am amazed to know that I have washed, dried, folded, (sometimes ironed) and put away roughly 27,526 loads of laundry. That is over 215,000 socks! Or, in that same amount of time, provided 38,324 meals for a family and sometimes guests. Or that I have overseen nearly 21,500 hours of education of one sort or another during that time. Just thinking of these numbers takes my breath away. ~ thatmom
thatmom says:
"Real books from the library, a tub of art supplies, being read stories rich in vocabulary, a variety of good music, the daily discussion of God’s Word and how it relates to the world around him, and the attention of a loving parent who includes him in all the activities of real life are the secrets to a great learning experience for children." ~ thatmom
thatmom says:
"Being a mom is sort of like being all the people who crowd into a basketball arena all at once. Sometimes we are the players, the ones who are responsible for everything that is going on and our presence is front and center. Sometimes we are the coaches, giving comfort and encouragement, instructing with a clipboard in hand. Other times we are the referees, no striped shirts required but whistles are a must to break up the disputes when the game isn’t played as per the rules. Still other times we are the fans, cheering wildly from the stands, shouting from a distance but not from the floor. And then there are the days when we are the cheerleaders, the ones who scream 'Yeah, you can do it.' " ~ thatmom
thatmom says:
“The beauty of homeschooling is building relationships within our families and inspiring our children to become lifelong learners, gently leading them into the truth of Scripture and trusting that the work we have begun will be brought to completion by a sovereign God who has a plan for building His heavenly kingdom.” ~ thatmom
thatmom says:
"A family that embraces a paradigm becomes lazy and doesn’t study the Word of God for themselves. They take what others state as gospel. They have to check in with the “expert” blogs to see how so and so is doing it. It requires little effort and, truthfully, little leadership on the part of the parents. Dads who think they are turning the hearts of their children to themselves are really turning the hearts of their children to the dad’s gurus!" ~ thatmom
thatmom also says:
“After parenting for 36 years, I have come to realize that all paradigms are basically a list of do’s and don’ts that someone has created. Instead of embracing a list, I have discovered that it is best for me to run all ideas, philosophies, and paradigms through my “one-anothering hopper.” I ask myself if the suggestions or ideas I am hearing will serve to build my relationships or will serve to tear them down; will they reflect the one-anothering commands of Scripture? I ask if they are a picture of Christ and His relationship with me as His needy daughter. If not, I am not interested, no matter how much appeal they might have for any number of reasons.” ~ thatmom
thatmom says this, too:
“The word wisdom is used in Exodus to describe the knowledge that the Lord gave to the skilled artisans so they could make Aaron’s garments for worship. We are told that these workers “were given wisdom and understanding in knowledge and all manner of workmanship.” I have never had to sew any garments for a priest to wear for worship. I have not had to sew any draperies or build any walls or prepare any inner sanctuary as per the Lord’s instructions. But I have been called to give all I can toward the goal of building up children in the faith, preparing children for life outside my home, children whose bodies, we are told, are called the very temple of the Holy Spirit, children whose job it is to worship in spirit and in truth." ~ thatmom
what does thatmom believe?
" What is thy only comfort in life and death? "That I, with body and soul, both in life and death, am not my own, but belong unto my faithful Savior Jesus Christ; who, with His precious blood, has fully satisfied for all my sins, and delivered me from all the power of the devil; and so preserves me that without the will of my heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head; yea, that all things must be subservient to my salvation, and therefore, by his Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life, and makes me sincerely willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto him." ~ Heidelberg Catechism
What does it mean to be a Christian?

1.We must acknowledge that we are all sinners. “For we are all become as one that is unclean, and all our righteousnesses are as a polluted garment: and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away. (Isaiah 64:6) and “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23)

2.We are all accountable for our own sins before God. “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.” (2 Corinthians 5:10)

3.There is only one way to be forgiven of these sins and that is through the blood of Jesus Christ. “Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

4.If we confess our sin to the Lord and repent of it (not allow it to rule in our lives) we can be forgiven and be in right standing with God. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousenss.” (1 John 1:9)

5.Genuine salvation will result in living lives of good works but none of those works contribute in any way to our standing before God which is based solely and completely on the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross. “But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, He sat down at the right hand of God. (Hebrews 10:12) and “Not by works of righteousness which we have done but according to His mercy He saved us by the washing of regeneration and the renewing of the Holy Spirit. (Titus 3:5) and “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.” (Ephesians 2:8)

6.We all, men and women, boys and girls, have direct access to the throne of grace because everyone who is a born-again believer in Jesus Christ is called a “priest and king” in God’s economy. “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.” (I Peter 2:9)

I believe that many of the false teachings within the patriocentric movement are in direct contrast to these Scriptures and I would encourage each of us to first examine what we believe about Jesus and His work on the cross, its implications and its marvelous power.

Secondly, I would challenge anyone reading here to examine your own heart and ask yourself whether you have been trusting in good works….baptism, homeschooling, church attendance, modest dress, the list goes on and on, or if you have placed ALL your faith and hope in Jesus’ blood and righteousness alone.

And finally, I would challenge you to examine the teachings within your own church system, whether it is Protestant, Greek Orthodox, Roman Catholic, etc. Ask yourself what your church teaches about ecclesiastical authority and family authority. Does it line up with the Word of God? It is a top down system that requires certain works in exchange for a relationship with Jesus Christ or do you have the assurance that you are saved for eternity by His death on the cross in your stead? Does it teach that the fruits of the spirit and obedience to all the one anothers is what our lives will demonstrate or is there a list of man made rules?

If you desire to talk with me about this, please send me a note to shesthatmom@gmail.com. My desire is that no one who visits this website will leave without knowing the glorious truth that we can have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and can enjoy a life filled with His goodness and grace!

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credits
Adoration of the Home was painted by regional artist, Grant Wood. The original hangs in the Cedar Rapids Museum of Art. Ben Campbell and Lon Eldridge deserve extra cookies for writing, performing, recording, and mixing Mom’s Prairie Song for the podcast intro and outro. Great job, guys. Garrison Keillor would be proud.

Copyright © 2013 ~ thatmom.com. ~ Karen Campbell ~ All Rights Reserved.

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