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real encouragement for real homeschool moms

links for pondering, discussing, and baking!

July 11th, 2011

a summer snack long, long ago

Lots of buzz this past week about pastor and SGM’s C. J. Mahaney and Virginia Knowles has some good thoughts on the subject. Again, public teachings (and public behaviors by their teachers) require public examination.

Here are some of my own thoughts on that issue!

Jeri has some thoughts on why sheep tend to follow abusive leaders. Insightful.

Tulip Girl’s 8th Annual Ezzo Week is now underway. Please don’t miss this!!!

And speaking of the Ezzo phenomena, Anne has written this lovely and gracious article.

So you are thinking about homeschooling, have a friend who is considering this choice, or just need to rethink the whys and hows of it? Time to listen to these podcasts for some inspiration and confirmation!

Popular blogger Tim Challies, a happy public schooler, has offered his thoughts on the tensions between homeschoolers and public schoolers. I found it to be a “creative” application of the text. Any thoughts?

What a sweet idea this is! I LOVE these sort of projects that are simple keepsakes.

Here asre some absolutely excellent thoughts that homeschooling moms need to consider when planning their schedules

Last, but certainly not least, I think I found the recipe for manna!

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11 Responses to “links for pondering, discussing, and baking!”

TulipGirl » Blog Archive » Ezzo Week Around the Web, 7/11:

July 11, 2011 at 2:42 pm

[...] it’s always great when a btdt mom affirms your parenting. . . and I thank ThatMom for joining in the Ezzo Week 2011 [...]
TulipGirl:

July 11, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Thank you for your btdt encouragement!

Your post was linked in today’s “Ezzo Week Around the Web” post as part of the 8th Annual Ezzo Week 2011! Here’s the link…
http://www.tulipgirl.com/index.php/2011/07/ezzo-week-around-the-web-711/
Sallie@aquietsimplelife:

July 11, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Karen,

Yeesh. Now SGM. It is sad that I wasn’t even surprised when I read it.

As I was reading the link you sent and reflecting on the experiences David and I have had with abusive leadership, I thought about my friend who married a United Methodist pastor. The United Methodist Church has a policy of not leaving pastors in one church for very long. They move them around every seven years or so. The denominational leadership identifies the needs of the local church and then they look for a pastor with compatible gifts to go to that church. The pastor is sent to meet the needs of that congregation for a season and then he moves on to a new church. This leads to a focus on the needs of the church, not the personality of the pastor.

At the time when she told me about it I thought it sounded like a terrible way to live. They have had to move a number of times over the years as her husband has gone to different churches. They were able to give a certain amount of input as to the areas they would like to move to, but it isn’t like the scenarios I’m used to where a church votes on and calls a pastor.

The wisdom in this approach is that you avoid developing the cult of the pastor. The pastor is there for a season to serve the church and everyone involved knows he will be leaving. The focus is on growing the health of the church body, not following a man (or in the UMC, a woman).

I contrast that to a couple of churches we were involved with for short times that had long-term pastors who were adored and put on a pedestal. We were not comfortable with that kind of situation at all. In one case, we were deeply hurt by one of the pastors but knew it was beyond pointless to even try to deal with the situation. He could do no wrong and we were nobodies in the church.

I think what makes me saddest about the SGM situation is that you know thousands (if not tens of thousands) of families have been hurt along the way over the past decade before this all came to a head. How many children have turned their backs on Christianity because of this? How many people no longer attend church because of this? It is terrible to contemplate the collateral damage done in these situations.
jen oliver:

July 11, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Re: Challies–”A creative application of the text.” I’m surprised–I genuinely thought you’d like his articles, which seemed to me to say clearly: “You have freedom in Christ to choose on this issue and should neither condemn nor despise those who, in their good conscience before God, do the opposite of what you decide before God is best for your family.” This seemed to resonate with one criticism you have against the family integrated movement (and maybe many Reformed groups) in pressuring families to choose homeschooling as the only valid, God-honoring option. I’ve always appreciated your willingness to tout the benefits if homeschooling while fighting for others’ freedom in Christ to choose differently, which is the position I took Challies to take in those articles.

I didn’t see his application of Romans 14 as too “creative” ((if I’m reading you correctly in that you might think it was a stretch? Maybe I misunderstood your meaning ) Ah, blogs!)). For the regular church member, I thought his application was good and SO WISH to see a more welcoming, gracious attitude played out more consistently on both sides of so…many…endless…debates. What I find more challenging, and perhaps missing from his blog post, was how church LEADERSHIP, specifically, should 1) handle speaking about these issues themselves when they are in a “weak” position over secondary issue and 2)how congregations/members should or could respond to a leader who feels so strongly about a secondary issue that he naturally encourages (or demands) his congregation to follow his “example”. How welcoming can the congregation be when a leader oversteps his bounds this way, even though as a fellow brother or sister in Christ, he or she might have the liberty to choose as he wills?

My husband and I were just discussing this and he admitted it’s sticky, but that ultimately a leader who doesn’t understand the difference between primary (i.e., the deity of Christ, Jesus’ clear commands) and secondary issues (i.e., educational paradigms and various ‘style’ preferences) and thus demands his followers conform to his conscience on matters of liberty, probably shouldn’t be a leader in the first place. In such cases one isn’t obliged to follow him, and this may be where a public rebuke of stubborn false teaching is appropriate a la your argument out of Galatians, where Paul rebukes the leadership openly for overstepping their bounds.

As for the other links, I am disheartened over the whole SGM thing. I don’t know much about SGM churches in particular, though I have enjoyed some of CJM’s books and a few of his sermons. I absolutely LOVE SGM’s music productions, though, in particular their SONGS FOR THE CROSS-CENTERED LIFE album, which is just so saturated with grace and gospel focus that it’s hard to believe any other mindset could come out of the SGM–but, as my husband reminded me, this type of scandal/disillusionment can happen in any ministry and usually does, at some point. We need to be careful not to trust in men and women–or in their books, blogs, music, or the public opinion surrounding them–but trust in Jesus, rely on his word, and not lose heart, as I feel very vulnerable to do at the moment; for what church ministry, small or great, DOESN’T have a group of ex-members calling themselves “survivors” out there somewhere? What leadership has ever been so perfect as not to once overstep its bounds in one form or another and open itself up to real allegations of pride? Furthermore, what church committed to preaching the unvarnished truth can fail to offend those who simply don’t want to hear it and who will equate even faithful preaching and teaching with spiritual abuse? I tremble at the thought of my husband transitioning into an assistant pastorate next month…
thatmom:

July 12, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Sallie, grief is what I felt, too, as I read. I don’t know if it is more prevalent or that the internet makes it easier for people to share their stories or what. It just seems like there are more and more of these stories all the time.
thatmom:

July 12, 2011 at 12:58 pm

On the Challies article, I realized that it will take more than a comment here for me to respond so am working on a longer piece…
Virginia Knowles:

July 16, 2011 at 10:33 am

Karen, thanks for linking to my article on CJ Mahaney and SGM. There have been over 4,000 hits on my blog this past week because of that one post, which ranked pretty high on web searches. A lot has happened just this past week! I wrote a follow up this morning here: http://virginiaknowles.blogspot.com/2011/07/my-recommendations-for-cj-mahaney-and.html

I also posted my a review of Quivering Daughters by Hilary McFarland on my other blog: http://comewearymoms.blogspot.com/2011/07/quivering-daughters-by-hilary-mcfarland.html

Virginia Knowles
Laura:

July 17, 2011 at 9:37 am

Virginia, along the lines of the discussion on authority/patriarchy in the home and church- I am uneasy about how popular that book “Love and Respect” is in very mainline church circles. Have you read it? It’s been a long time since I read it, but I have one general problem with the book as well as a specific example of a teaching point that I think could go in a dangerous direction.

First, doesn’t it bother you when these authors create an entire 2-300 page book around one verse of scripture when there are many other verses that balance and clarify that passage?

Secondly, as I said, I haven’t read it for a long time, but I recall something about a couple where the husband had physically abused the wife. He was taking accountability for this and had attended counseling, but the wife was praised for thinking out loud that perhaps she had some responsibility for the abuse. Does anyone recall that? I will have to go back and double check it.

Anyway, I think we are in store for a kind of soft core, second generation patriarchy through these kinds of books. Wouldn’t it be nice if marriage books focused more on our both being created in God’s image, being gracious and loving to one another, rather than defining marriage as a war? (though that is what is often made of it- but I think deep down we are more alike than we are different).Anyway, just a thought!
Virginia Knowles:

July 21, 2011 at 7:40 am

Laura, friends gave us a copy of that book. It is sitting out in full view. I have not had the heart to do more than read the beginning chapters, for the same reasons you mention.

Have you seen the book reviews I have written on Quivering Daughters and When Sparrows Fall? I posted the link for the QD review above, and here is the one for When Sparrows Fall: http://comewearymoms.blogspot.com/2011/07/when-sparrows-fall-by-meg-moseley.html

I am about to review the book Submission is Not Silence by Elisabeth Pent Julin. She was raised in an evangelist’s family, traveling the country to give exhibitions of Scripture recitation. Her brother wrote the book Ten P’s in a Pod that Vision Forum publishes. The concept of marriage that she was raised with, that a woman was to remain silent in her obedience to her husband, nearly cost her marriage. She has written a very compassionate book about how wives need to bring their full selves to their husbands, which includes communicating their opinions, needs, and desires. I’m having trouble pulling up her regular web site now, but the FB page for the book is here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Submission-Is-Not-Silence/147636838580173

Blessings,
Virginia Knowles
Spiritual abuse – fifteen years later | A Quiet Simple Life:

July 30, 2011 at 10:26 pm

[...] years later Posted on July 30, 2011 by Sallie A few weeks ago Karen linked to information about the implosion within Sovereign Grace Ministries (SGM). On the forefront of the situation is C.J. Mahaney, the well-known leader of the group of churches. [...]
Spiritual abuse – fifteen years later | SallieBorrink.com:

January 15, 2012 at 9:08 pm

[...] few weeks ago Karen linked to information about the implosion within Sovereign Grace Ministries (SGM). On the forefront of the situation is C.J. Mahaney, the well-known leader of the group of churches. [...]

Carolyn Custis James says:

“The power of our theology comes alive when we take the truth personally. Holding God at arm’s length—no matter how much theology we think we know—will never make us great theologians. We have to learn to write our own names into the plot. God will always be the subject of our theological sentences but our sentences are incomplete until we make ourselves the direct objects of his attributes…..Simply knowing a lot of theological ideas, no matter how orthodox and sound they are, will never turn us into great theologians. Theology isn’t really theology for us until we live it. Not until we learn to make explicit connections between what we know about God and the race we are running will we taste the transforming power of our theology. Fixing our eyes on Jesus means reminding ourselves of all that He is to us now. He brings meaning to our routines and energizes us to tackle the difficult tasks at hand. Fixing our eyes on Jesus gives us hope to offer disheartened husbands and hurting friends, and the wisdom we need to raise children who will fix their eyes on Him, too.” ~ from Carolyn Custis James in When Life and Beliefs Collide

Anne Ortlund says:

“So what do we do to encourage them to grow inwardly, to become resourceful and creative, to think, to meditate, to lay the foundation for growing up well? Don’t push, but affirm them! Give them the sense that all is well, that their rate of progress is acceptable to you, that you like them just the way they are…..Guide them but be delighted in them. Let them know that life is to be reached for and drunk of deeply…..Enthusiastic, that’s how you want them to grow up! The word comes from “en Theo,” or “in God.” Support them with words of faith, hope, and love, and in that framework “in God,” they’ll be ready to tackle everything. Fears and cautions are built in at an early age but so is courage! Tomorrow’s world will be different if your child has been released to experiment, to risk, to lead others, to pursue righteousness, to be an affecter for good in society, to go courageously after God.” ~ Anne Ortlund in Children Are Wet Cement

Clay Clarkson says:

“Many Christian parents, myself included, tend to speak to children as though they were Pharisees. We can speak harshly and with judgment, implying by our manner that their hearts are hard and resistant. But this attitude is not justified by Scripture. There is no record of Jesus ever speaking to a a child in a harsh tone. When the Gospels record Him speaking to a child, it is always with gentleness. Our children are not our adversaries. Though our children’s hearts are corrupted by sin, they are not hardened sinners who have made conscious choices to reject the Savior. Our children are simply immature and childish. That’s why children need love and compassion, not harshness and guilt.” ~ Clay Clarkson in Heartfelt Discipline

Tim Kimmel says:

“Grace can’t be some abstract concept that you talk about in your home. It has to be a real-time action that ultimately imprints itself in your children’s hearts. To talk about grace, sing about grace, and have our children memorize verses about grace – but not give them specific gifts of grace – is to undermine God’s words of grace in their hearts. Grace means that God not only loves them but that He loves them uniquely and specially. The primary way to give our children grace is to offer it in place of our selfish preferences.” ~ Tim Kimmel in Grace-Based Parenting

Kathy Thile says:

"I say this gently, as the parent of grown kids, knowing *insert parenting guru* is also the parent of grown kids: we have wonderful children — he does, I’m sure — and so do I. But without even knowing his children I can know this about them: they are not perfect. They hurt. They make mistakes. They struggle. They are prideful and overly simplistic at times; and crippled by shame and hesitancy at others. Yes — they are beautiful examples of human beings, his children (I assume), and mine (I know.) But they are not perfect. If they were, they would not be human. If it were possible to raise children to perfection, then God would have sent a parenting method, not Jesus. Our marching orders are not to raise our children by a method to be like *insert parenting guru* children. Our marching orders are to be Christians to and with our children." ~ Kathy Thile

Anna Quindlen says:

“The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less." ~ Anna Quindlen

thatmom says:

"We need to approach our children not as character projects, but rather, we must see them with hearts of sympathy, with compassion and understanding, and with ears that listen. You see, homeschooling is not about lesson plans and research papers and standardized tests. Homeschooling is about building a relationship with our children, friendships that will last our entire lives on earth and clear into eternity. Homeschooling is merely the tool whereby we build those relationships." ~ thatmom

thatmom knows:

As a homeschooling mom, I have realized that everything, ultimately, is outside of my own control. I have learned that the unique circumstances that happen in my family have occurred because God’s plan is so much bigger than my own. It is knowing this truth about God and in experiencing that truth with those in my home that has enabled us to face past challenges and that will prepare us for all those difficulties that still lie before us.

thatmom realizes:

If I think about 37 years of marriage, times the number of loads of laundry I have done for 2 parents, 6 children and 1 grandma, I am amazed to know that I have washed, dried, folded, (sometimes ironed) and put away roughly 27,526 loads of laundry. That is over 215,000 socks! Or, in that same amount of time, provided 38,324 meals for a family and sometimes guests. Or that I have overseen nearly 21,500 hours of education of one sort or another during that time. Just thinking of these numbers takes my breath away. ~ thatmom

thatmom says:

"Being a mom is sort of like being all the people who crowd into a basketball arena all at once. Sometimes we are the players, the ones who are responsible for everything that is going on and our presence is front and center. Sometimes we are the coaches, giving comfort and encouragement, instructing with a clipboard in hand. Other times we are the referees, no striped shirts required but whistles are a must to break up the disputes when the game isn’t played as per the rules. Still other times we are the fans, cheering wildly from the stands, shouting from a distance but not from the floor. And then there are the days when we are the cheerleaders, the ones who scream 'Yeah, you can do it.' " ~ thatmom

thatmom also says:

“After parenting for 36 years, I have come to realize that all paradigms are basically a list of do’s and don’ts that someone has created. Instead of embracing a list, I have discovered that it is best for me to run all ideas, philosophies, and paradigms through my “one-anothering hopper.” I ask myself if the suggestions or ideas I am hearing will serve to build my relationships or will serve to tear them down; will they reflect the one-anothering commands of Scripture? I ask if they are a picture of Christ and His relationship with me as His needy daughter. If not, I am not interested, no matter how much appeal they might have for any number of reasons.” ~ thatmom

thatmom says this, too:

“The word wisdom is used in Exodus to describe the knowledge that the Lord gave to the skilled artisans so they could make Aaron’s garments for worship. We are told that these workers “were given wisdom and understanding in knowledge and all manner of workmanship.” I have never had to sew any garments for a priest to wear for worship. I have not had to sew any draperies or build any walls or prepare any inner sanctuary as per the Lord’s instructions. But I have been called to give all I can toward the goal of building up children in the faith, preparing children for life outside my home, children whose bodies, we are told, are called the very temple of the Holy Spirit, children whose job it is to worship in spirit and in truth." ~ thatmom

what does thatmom believe?

" What is thy only comfort in life and death? "That I, with body and soul, both in life and death, am not my own, but belong unto my faithful Savior Jesus Christ; who, with His precious blood, has fully satisfied for all my sins, and delivered me from all the power of the devil; and so preserves me that without the will of my heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head; yea, that all things must be subservient to my salvation, and therefore, by his Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life, and makes me sincerely willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto him." ~ Heidelberg Catechism

What does it mean to be a Christian?

1.We must acknowledge that we are all sinners. “For we are all become as one that is unclean, and all our righteousnesses are as a polluted garment: and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away. (Isaiah 64:6) and “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23)

2.We are all accountable for our own sins before God. “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.” (2 Corinthians 5:10)

3.There is only one way to be forgiven of these sins and that is through the blood of Jesus Christ. “Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

4.If we confess our sin to the Lord and repent of it (not allow it to rule in our lives) we can be forgiven and be in right standing with God. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousenss.” (1 John 1:9)

5.Genuine salvation will result in living lives of good works but none of those works contribute in any way to our standing before God which is based solely and completely on the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross. “But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, He sat down at the right hand of God. (Hebrews 10:12) and “Not by works of righteousness which we have done but according to His mercy He saved us by the washing of regeneration and the renewing of the Holy Spirit. (Titus 3:5) and “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.” (Ephesians 2:8)

6.We all, men and women, boys and girls, have direct access to the throne of grace because everyone who is a born-again believer in Jesus Christ is called a “priest and king” in God’s economy. “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.” (I Peter 2:9)

I believe that many of the false teachings within the patriocentric movement are in direct contrast to these Scriptures and I would encourage each of us to first examine what we believe about Jesus and His work on the cross, its implications and its marvelous power.

Secondly, I would challenge anyone reading here to examine your own heart and ask yourself whether you have been trusting in good works….baptism, homeschooling, church attendance, modest dress, the list goes on and on, or if you have placed ALL your faith and hope in Jesus’ blood and righteousness alone.

And finally, I would challenge you to examine the teachings within your own church system, whether it is Protestant, Greek Orthodox, Roman Catholic, etc. Ask yourself what your church teaches about ecclesiastical authority and family authority. Does it line up with the Word of God? It is a top down system that requires certain works in exchange for a relationship with Jesus Christ or do you have the assurance that you are saved for eternity by His death on the cross in your stead? Does it teach that the fruits of the spirit and obedience to all the one anothers is what our lives will demonstrate or is there a list of man made rules?

If you desire to talk with me about this, please send me a note to shesthatmom@gmail.com. My desire is that no one who visits this website will leave without knowing the glorious truth that we can have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and can enjoy a life filled with His goodness and grace!

thatmom.com

links for pondering, discussing, and baking!

11 Responses to “links for pondering, discussing, and baking!”

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