The last few days I have spent way too much time alone in the car, something that rarely happens to me. I am not an alone person; I thrive on being with a whole gang of people. But time alone has given me space to think about some things that have been grieving me, things that have broken my heart in the past few years: desperate wives, desperate mamas who give up.

I am not talking about moms throwing in the homeschool towel. Life circumstances, such as they are, sometimes call for desperate measures and moms who have been completely committed to educating their children at home find themselves with a husband’s job loss, illness, responsibilities involving elderly parents, a marriage crisis that demands complete attention, or even such intense personal, emotional, and spiritual struggles that normal day to day homeschooling is nearly impossible. Life happens, people sin against us, people hurt us, or sometimes there actually is a need that can only be met by an already stretched-to-the-limits mama and homeschooling is set aside. It may not even be the long term solution but rather serves as a pressure reducer while other issues are sorted through.

But, I am not talking about those mamas.

What I am talking about is moms who have sinned by purposely making one bad choice after another, ones that require even more bad choices, until they are in a downward spiral and out of control. In many cases these moms not only lose their husbands and children, but their faith as well. I am talking about moms who have chosen a path that has taken first their hearts and then themselves far, far away from the life of a homeschooling mom.

Many years ago I knew such a mom. She was what all her friends might call a vibrant, growing godly woman. She studied the Word every day with her children. She attended worship services and served in her church. She desired to one day go to the mission field and she and her husband even began praying for those they knew they would one day minister to overseas.

This mom was also committed to her home. She loved caring for her family, preparing delicious meals, demonstrating hospitality, creatively making her home lovely and attractive. And she was attractive, too. Always modestly dressed and more often than not wearing skirts and dresses, her hair and make-up enhancing her classic features, this woman could turn heads even in a gunny sack.

And then, one day, the unthinkable happened. This woman committed adultery. Everyone was stunned. Her children were devastated. Her husband was hurt and then angry. The couple tried to fix it but for whatever reason, it was broken beyond repair and they divorced. The children were scattered, their home was gone forever. Any Christian testimony this couple might have had was gone.

But this was only the beginning. This mom soon found herself living with a younger man. She went from job to job but was never satisfied. Her husband moved far enough away that he saw the children only a few times a year. Soon, as you would suspect, the children began to make ungodly choices, too.

I ran into this woman not long ago. I hadn’t seen her up close and personal in nearly two decades. She looked “hard,” a word my mom often used to describe women whose hearts had been hardened by years of ungodly living and whose faces reflected it. Just seeing her made me feel so sad and ever since I have been asking myself what happened in her life. I have wondered if she has any regret, if she wishes she could go back and start all over again. I have wondered if she even makes a profession of faith in Christ and, if so, how that is expressed. I have wondered how these choices can be prevented in the first place.

What makes a person spin into a 180 degree life change? I don’t think there is any easy answer and I believe that typically there are many contributing factors.

Some moms lose their vision for the calling the Lord has placed on their lives during the season of raising children. Perhaps there is disillusionment with homeschooling itself and the children are not turning out the way you hoped they would. Maybe Dad isn’t actively participating in homeschooling or the paradigm you hoped would guarantee godly children isn’t as failsafe as you had been lead to believe. Perhaps your children are even in out and out rebellion and you can’t help but think “If this is all I get for my 20 years of effort with these kids, why bother?”

Often middle age brings with it all sorts of physical issues. The perpetual cycle of pregnancy and childbirth begins to change and along with it has come the feeling that you are no longer attractive to your husband. You hate getting older, being a slave to the L’Oreal bottle, plucking chin hairs, and you dread looking at the pictures of young and vibrant models who stare at you from the racks in the grocery store aisles. Your energy is waning and you begin to realize that retirement isn’t that far off and you face your golden years with no personal pension and all you have to show for it is saggy breasts and a head full of useless homeschool mom knowledge!

Maybe you have enjoyed spending time with other moms who have made different choices and you are a little envious. After all, they are financially better off than you, they have time and money to enjoy the amenities the media says you deserve. Maybe even you are hearing a siren song from these friends and seeds of discontentment have already taken root.

Or perhaps you have fallen into the trap of wondering what it might have been like to marry a different man. You find your heart drawn to movies, books, magazines, or television shows where everyone’s life is more sexually exciting or romantic than yours.

Ultimately, I believe that the deception of our own hearts draws us away from the Lord and from our families and from the desire to serve one another, leading us to sin, first in our imaginations, and then in reality. (I have a few more things to share about this in the next blog entry on temptation.)

These past few days I have felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to write about these things. A while back one of my friends and I made a pact that if either of us saw the other one walking down one of these paths, we would be in each other’s face and do everything possible to pull the other one back to the right path. I want to suggest that each person who reads this article today should do the same thing. Find someone to hold you accountable. Search your own heart for attitudes or actions that are leading you away from the Lord and away from serving Him in a righteous manner. If you see those attitudes, repent immediately and make the choice to sin no more. And if you need to talk, please, please send me an e-mail. I sincerely want to be available to anyone who is struggling and feeling tempted to jump ship.

This is a wonderful suggestion that far surpasses the notion of a “time-out” spot for children who are struggling. If you’ve not yet looked around at Ann’s blog, may I suggest that you do. It may become your personal peace retreat!

HT: Kathy

“The saving of souls, if a man has once gained love to perishing sinners and his blessed master, will be an all-absorbing passion to him. It will so carry him away, that he will almost forget himself in the saving of others. He will be like the brave fireman, who cares not for the scorch or the heat, so that he may rescue the poor creature on whom true humanity has set its heart. If sinners will be damned, at least let them leap to hell over our bodies. And if they will perish, let them perish with our arms about their knees, imploring them to stay. If hell must be filled, at least let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go there unwarned and unprayed for.” Charles Spurgeon