The series of podcasts on Mentoring Adult Children kicks off this week with part one of my interview with John Stonestreet.
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This week I am welcoming John Stonestreet to my podcast to share his thoughts on the epidemic of young adults who are leaving the Christian faith and leaving the church. John is the Executive Director of Summit Ministries, holds a M.A. in Christian Thought from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School, and is on the Biblical Studies faculty at Bryan College.
A popular speaker at camps, conventions, and conferences, he works annually with thousands of parents, teachers, and students on developing a biblical worldview, understanding comparative worldviews, defending the Christian faith, applying a biblical worldview to education, and engaging important cultural issues.
He is a Fellow of the Wilberforce Fellows, a division of Breakpoint, and is the co-author with W. Gary Phillips and William E. Brown of Making Sense of Your World: A Biblical Worldview, 2nd. ed. (Sheffield, 2007), as well as numerous web and journal articles.
John joined the Summit team in 1999, and has served numerous roles including directing the Eastern Summit programs in Tennessee and Virginia. He, his wife Sarah, and three daughters live in Colorado Springs, Colorado where they homeschool their three daughters.
Be sure to read some of the articles that John has referenced and visit the suggested websites for more helpful information and resources.
Article One
Article Two
Summit conference information
Probe
Breakpoint
Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers
Also, if you leave a comment this week or on one of the following podcast entries in this series of interviews with John Stonestreet, I will enter your name in a drawing to win a $25.00 gift certificate to Summit Ministries’ online bookstore!
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Join me on an adventure as we study through Chuck Swindoll’s book The Grace Awakening. Each Monday I will post some thoughts from a portion of the book and we will discuss them in the comment section, making special application for moms. (Dads and singles are welcome to join us, too!) You can purchase a copy of the book (there are lots of used copies available via Amazon) or it is also available on audio. I don’t want you to feel like you have to read along to join in the discussion; I want this to be as stress free as possible. But I know you will enjoy the book if you read it……understanding and embracing grace is life changing and many have found this book to be a great encouragement after coming through paradigm based ministries, including some homeschooling groups. Please invite your friends, I know you will be blessed!!! We will be starting on July 23rd!
I wonder how much of the extension of adolescence is related to lack of job experience and having to feel and take responsibility. We have managed to have our children so far work with some of our local Christian families who own their own businesses, but it is not easy to find work for young adults. Our limitation, too, is that we don’t want our children to work on Sundays, but most of the jobs available to kids of that age involve weekend work. I can say that the job experience that the first three have had has been invaluable in their training and growing up.
I am interested in John’s assertion that THE purpose of marriage is essentially to have children? I am sure this comes from Malachi 2:15; and I may have misunderstood this position. I agree that A purpose for some couples is to bear offspring. To claim that it is THE purpose is very akin to the patriocentric mentality that “THE highest calling for women is to be a wife and mother”. I truly don’t mean to dissent; it just struck me and if I have misunderstood please let me know!
I have personally known people who believe that if a couple can’t (or doesn’t feel called to) have children then they shouldn’t marry. This makes me sad.
As to Hillary’s comment – what can we say about Sarah and Abraham and Isaac and Rebecca and Hannah? They did eventually have children, but they went many years without fulfilling “their purpose.”
Whew! This podcast has a lot of heavy stuff! It will keep me thinking for days
From my perspective, the most important purpose of marriage is the picture that the husband’s and wife’s relationship should create. In the marriage relationship, a husband should demonstrate Christ’s love for the Church and the wife should represent the Church’s response of devotion and love to Christ. Eph. 5:22-33 I think this is the biggest reason God hates divorce, because it creates a broken picture of Christ’s love for us. Old Testament teaching does indeed emphasize raising up children, but the emphasis in the New Testament is on spreading the Gospel. In the Old Testament God’s people were to raise up literal children. In the New Testament, Paul talks about the people that he is encouraging and exhorting as his sons. This is the point of the New Testament, sowing spiritual seed not physical seed 
I had the same thoughts on the marriage issue, Hillary and Mrs. Don.
I also could not relate to today’s young people being adolescents until nigh 30 years of age. Our sons have readily, as is age appropriate, taken on increasing levels of responsibility. Our eldest holds down full-time employment at a management level and attends college full-time. He is also very involved in several ministries. I’m not sure how he could be more responsible, actually, plus I’m not sure when he sleeps some days
. Most of his friends seem to be doing similar things, too.
I’m sure there are lazy, irresponsible teens, just as there are lazy irresponsible adults, though.
I knew as soon as heard the words leave John’s lips that his view of the purpose of marriage would come up for discussion!
The point he was trying to make, as I understood it, is that defining terms is what sets the agenda. When he said it, I thought of my use of the word “patrioentricity” and Clay even turned around and looked at me and mouthed the word. I completely understand what John was saying, though I also believe that, obviously, not all men and women bare children. Perhaps this refers to marriage as the institution? I don’t know.
As for the delayed adulthood, I know lots of 30ish men who have good paying jobs who spend their money like adolescents. I do believe the times have changed.
Anyone ever read Gilder’s Men and Marriage? So much truth in that book and we have seen those truths in practice with our own sons. There is something about marriage that grows a boy into a man, that inspires him to greatness. I think the trend for delayed marriage contributes to this delayed adolescence factor.
Hillary, I can understand your anger at that statement. Obviously the Lord does not call all couples to bare children but marriage is encouraged in the Bible. And it is a picture of Christ and the church.
I apologize that I sounded angry. That was not in my heart nor my intention, and I am grieved that it appeared so.
I don’t think the comment sounded angry at all.
I think a more accurate perspective of the matter is that when a couple DOES have children, that one of the highest purposes they now have is to raise those children, because without that mentality, the high maintenance that children require will quickly erode the marriage as reality fails to meet expectations. At least that’s what it looks like from my current season of life with two toddlers!
Hillary, I didn’t think you sounded angry at all but thought you had written “mad” when you actually said “sad.” I am so sorry for the confusion….I obviously need to wear my glasses more often. Please forgive me for misreading your words!
Last week I listened again to the podcasts on Militant Fecundity and found myself feeling both mad and sad. Then, this week we watched a documentary on the lost girls of China as part of our study on Chinese history. I kept thinking of the many people who never mention the importance of adoption when it comes to raising up the next generation. Another topic for another day.
Alisa, you have certainly said much, much truth in a one small paragraph!
I can remember when one of our sons was a toddler and was such a handful. I can remember those looks we got from people as though we didn’t realize what he had on our hands! Children ARE high maintenance and some of them are more so than others. And they are ALWAYS the most difficult part of marriage. No question about it!
{{{Karen}}} Lots of love to you!!!
Regarding my first statement about work: The latest unemployment reports for teenagers list them as having a 52% unemployment rate. I found this article through the Drudge Report that talks about how this high unemployment rate will follow them a long time as they will have much more difficulty in getting the experience they need to get into the jobs they would like to have.
Karen–I really appreciated the discussion on the Sunday School/youth group movement. It was so balanced, and I think you nailed it: the problem/solution doesn’t lie in whether or not to HAVE Sunday school or a youth group, but in the content of what is taught…if anything is taught at all! Personally, I think a church and the children in it could survive just fine without these things (especially teen clubs), assuming that Christian parents are doing their job in training and discipling their own children; but I also agree with you and Mr. Stonestreet–that their are good ways to do these things to the glory of God, if we are to have them. I haven’t read ALREADY GONE myself yet, but I plan to; my pastor was talking about it just last night. Thanks for this series!
Lisa, interesting thoughts on teens and jobs.
I was thinking about delayed adolescence as I saw the Best Buys ads in the Sunday paper. Usually when I am in that store, it is 30ish guys buying all the great sound equipment and the video games. Lots of delayed adolescence is being funded by guys who love the bachelor lifestyle and don’t want to give up their toys. It was also brought back home to me when I saw a young man of about 30 walking through the grocery store with a t-shirt that said “Check list for today: wake up play video games eat breakfast play video games eat lunch play video games…etc
Jen, I think the two most important ingredients in ministry to young people outside their families is the quality of what is being taught and the spiritual maturity of the mentors. Ideally, I think a youth ministry would include solid Bible teachers and other adults who care deeply about teens and desire to build healthy relationships with them, and parents and grandparents who have been through the various seasons of life who also have a vision of what real mentoring involves. If you had this sort of combination of mentors, can you imagine how wonderful it would be? Ideally, I think it would be discovered organically as the body of Christ one anothers!
I agree that parents should be the chief disciplers of their kids and it is always so tragic to me when this job is left to the “professionals” alone. But I also know that the church is made up of so many different people in different situations and sometimes other mentors must step in when the parents don’t or aren’t able to be those mentors for their kids. Also, I always think it is wise for parents to get their kids involved with other adults who have the same convictions and values we want our kids to own. Then they can say “Wow it isn’t just my folks who believe this way, there are others I admire who do, too!”
I wanted to note that I am working on a review for Already Gone. I have a couple concerns about that book. First of all, the appendix has a list of resources for parents and pastors and they are ALL Ken Ham materials. From what I have found of resources, there are so many other good ones, most of them, in all honesty, much better.
Secondly, Ken Ham is allowing his book to be used and marketed to families as part of the agenda to get all homeschooling families out of traditional churches and into FIC churches. I do not believe that Sunday school or youth ministry is the reason for kids leaving the church as the book says.
Here is a link to that agenda: http://www.thatmom.com/?p=2301
Here is a link to explain the FIC movement: http://www.thatmom.com/?page_id=2675
Thanks for the heads-up, Karen! My church is not an FIC church at all (though we’re trying to engage/disciple whole families–and within families–more than we have, historically); this past Sunday was the first I’d heard of the book, and I hadn’t heard any of these criticisms yet….so I have LOTS of questions!!! I don’t even though that my pastor has finished it himself; I know my husband hasn’t read it at all, so I’m curious to hear what else comes out of the discussion…
Also, I should clarify that I’m not “anti” youth group per se, but not too impressed with the current norms for them. If they are centered on teaching Christ-following, then they can be a wonderfully complimentary part of, as you said, the “one-anothering” in the church body…Just as we have special ministry for women, men, marrieds, and singles, etc., we can and should–if equipped with the proper mentors–minister to this group of young people who ARE facing special challenges in a worldly culture that is so relentlessly pursuing their souls’ affections! This is especially true in our church where 50-75% of our young people are coming without where parents, if present at all, neither honor nor teach Christ at home. These kids need all the care and one-anothering we can offer. My husband and I enjoy the challenge of ministering as mentors in this group–though the task is daunting!
Jen, it sounds like you and your husband are finding just the right balance between family life and church family life! I look forward to hearing what you both have to say about the rest of John’s thoughts.