Currently, one of the more commonly requested topics for discussion at family and homeschooling conferences is that of preparing our children for marriage. What is interesting to me is the variety of methods teachers and pastors are promoting, especially the growing interest in the more radical method of betrothal, ie, fathers arranging marriages, paying a bride price, and even having fathers perform marriages under the “authority invested in me as the family patriarch.” Most alarming is that many of these odd practices are taught as “biblical” without any true Scriptural mandate.
In September I will begin a series of podcasts called Mentoring Young Adults and they will include interviews with experts in the areas of Bible study for teens, instilling a Biblical worldview in young adults, and the importance of mentoring. I am so blessed by the willingness of my guests to discuss these topics and I know they will be full of wonderful information and practical insights as well as inspiration for moms who are facing the teen and young adult years with their children.
One of these guests will also be joining me as we examine the various teachings on courtship and betrothal that are being peddled to homeschooling parents these days and holding each of them up to the light of Scripture. Last week someone shared with me a series of “training” videos on this topic and, though most of the ideas weren’t new to me, some of the practices were quite alarming when I watched them “live.” I thought you might find these interesting as we prepare to discuss this topic. (look for “biblical betrothal” in the pull down menu)
As a long-time proponent of continuing homeschooling through the high school years, I want to encourage you to listen to these podcasts and invite your friends to listen as well. And if you have any particular questions you hope to see covered regarding these topics, please send me an e-mail at shesthatmom@gmail.com or leave a comment on this blog entry.
11 Responses to courtship? betrothal? dating with integrity? making friends for life?
Leave a Reply
Be sure to visit Relationship Homeschooling on Facebook!
And you can learn about my thoughts on developing your own philosophy of education as well as finding the methods of homeschooling that work best for you and your children by
looking for my presentations on Home Educating Family's media site.
Join me on an adventure as we study through Chuck Swindoll’s book The Grace Awakening. Each Monday I will post some thoughts from a portion of the book and we will discuss them in the comment section, making special application for moms. (Dads and singles are welcome to join us, too!) You can purchase a copy of the book (there are lots of used copies available via Amazon) or it is also available on audio. I don’t want you to feel like you have to read along to join in the discussion; I want this to be as stress free as possible. But I know you will enjoy the book if you read it……understanding and embracing grace is life changing and many have found this book to be a great encouragement after coming through paradigm based ministries, including some homeschooling groups. Please invite your friends, I know you will be blessed!!! We will be starting on July 23rd!
I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this, Karen. I’m on the verge of teens and would love to have some insight from someone like you. I’m continuing to pray for the Master’s wisdom to be heard through you and for your peace.
I watched the videos when they were first posted elsewhere and my first reaction was, “I’m watching a bunch of children playacting.” It’s disconcerting to me to watch adults act as if they are participating in “Let’s Pretend” – “I wanna be the bride”, “I wanna be the PRINCE.” “Okay, you can be the prince but I getta be the DAD ’cause he’s like . . . GAAWWWWD” These people have just never grown up. They never learned how to shed the games and live real life. And they’re using the Word to justify it.
The other observation I had was with the costumes. What was the significance of the Nazi uniform? The groom looked like Rolf from the Sound of Music! And the song they danced to was even from that movie. Was that the theme or something? I didn’t think they were allowed to do things like “the big bad world” and have wedding themes. If my groom had shown up to my wedding toting a gun, my parents would have ushered me out the church door, with no resistance from me! It all made a mockery of a very solemn and joyous occasion. It seems these patriocentrists like to pick eras of history and mimic them; e.g, pioneers, Victorians, Elizabethans. How come none of them pick the Greco/Roman era, first century Christianity, or Garden of Eden? I guess togas, seamless homespun, and fig leaves aren’t as romantic. I’m sure playing dress-up is fun, but you’d think it would get old after the first year!
Anyway, all quite disturbing for those precious girls (and boys for that matter). I’m so glad you address these things, Karen. This is such an encouraging site.
Off topic – I’m wondering where Cindy K. and Karen B. are. They haven’t posted on their sites in quite some time.
Hey I recognize that cake!
Jerzy, I, too, felt like this was play-acting and that the seriousness and the beauty of a marriage ceremony was absent. I contrast it with the lovely weddings of homeschoolers I have witnessed where the couples were committed to each other, had made moral purity a priority, and where the families were involved in the process, all important aspects to be sure. BUT, they also expressed the priority of the romantic nature of marriage and the joy of reflecting God’s relationship with us free of symbolism that is so contrived.
So much more to still say…..
Kim, I am so glad you mentioned the cake. I saved it offline to show to Stacy, since she and I are both interested in seeing how other people decorate cakes. But I couldn’t remember where it came from and I hadn’t labeled it! I still don’t know who it belonged to but isn’t it lovely?
Yikes. Stop the maddness! Besides the scandalous abuse of Scriptural imagery in The Epistemologically Self-Conscious Wedding video, the fact that the groom had a knife, a gun, and combat boots at his wedding was enough to give me the willies. One nice thing about the videos is that Captain (anyone know exactly of what?) Bret “name names” regarding his sources of information. I am glad that you and others are willing to expose the continual twisting of Scripture that his sources use to bind people into worthless rituals. Why, when God makes plenty of commands like “As God’s chosen people, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, and patience,” do we want to add more?
Jersy, I, too, am missing Karen B. and Cindy K. and the insights they always offer that are so good. I also know how hectic life gets but I hope we see them around soon!
Oh, AWESOME! I was just sitting down to listen to last Friday’s podcast on character development from a biblical perspective, and am thrilled to hear plans for upcoming series on mentoring young adults. Tomorrow my husband and I are beginning a new year with our teen bible study at church–we all agree that its up to parents primarily to disciple their children and teens, but most of our teens are coming from “unchurched” homes where the parents have little interest in the character development (spiritual or otherwise!) of their kids. Not having any teens of my own, I can use ALL of the resources I can get! The Lord has blessed me through what you’ve shared on your post in so many ways–thanks for persevering!
Jen, there are so many really great resources available right now and I can’t wait to share them. And the best part is that they have been written based on sound research that has been done by the Barna group. If you have any specific questions, please feel free to leave them here because I am anticipating interviews with three absolutely awesome guests who are more than happy to help! The teen years DO NOT have to be a time of turmoil or uncertainty nor do our teens want any less of us than what we have provided in their earlier years….real relationships with them that finds their strength and joy in the Word of God and the delight of one anothering within committed, compassionate relationships!
Karen, it was from a wedding of a friend of ours from this summer. It was on FB and I was tagged in the photo (if not that exact photo, at least one like it) because I arranged the orchids on it. Kristin was a bridesmaid. A dear family friend and sweet girl, homeschooled through highschool, a Moody Bible Institue graduate, who is now teaching with her husband in China for two years.
I was surprised to see it here. But it appropriately illustrates your topic. Julie and Adam’s story is a good one. It’s online somewhere. I’ll find it and email you the link. Fun!
It’s interesting, Karen–my husband is in seminary and this semester one of his major projects will center around our teen/young adult ministry at the church. One of the very things he’s looked at in depth has been Barna’s study–he even e-mailed me and our fellow ministry workers a link to it the other day! Part of his project includes an annotated bibliography of online resources dealing with teens and Christianity, as well as biblical servanthood. He has found some, but not much though he’s spent many hours reading and scanning websites and links. We look forward to seeing where you point us. I know I’ll have questions, so LOOK OUT ;o)
Thanks again–it’s neat that the Lord has provided you with this burden just as it’s really come to the forefront in our ministry. From our standpoint as relative newlyweds, without much experience but with strong desires to serve and see families strong in sound doctrine and genuine love for God and others, it’s a great encouragement to see/hear about a couple, like you and your husband, that has lived this out and loves God MORE for it (not less, as is too often the case)
)
Pingback: My Beef with “Courtship” | The Chi Files