Sometimes I am ashamed of myself.
People who know me very well know that I rarely hesitate to take a stand for anything I believe in. I will go to the mattresses if a real truth is at stake. In fact, I know there are times when I have downright scared people. For some of those instances, I am even sorry.
Then there are the other times, those painful moments I have been ashamed because I wasn’t as bold as I should have been. And it is usually at that point when the worst happens….one of my children steps up to the plate and I am left looking like the wimp I might really be.
The other day, I was standing in the grocery store checkout lane, eavesdropping on the conversation between the checker and the bagger as I piled radishes and tomatoes onto the conveyor belt. The older one was explaining how he is a psychology major and how he planned to work in a mental institution one day. Friendly and sometimes irritatingly gregarious soul that I am, I commented to him, “Oh, I was a psychology major, too, and spent my semester of abnormal psych working at a state hospital.”
He nodded and seemed interested so I continued, though I don’t know why this particular aspect of my college experience even popped into my head. “Of course, that was decades ago, back when they still placed mentally handicapped and Down’s syndrome adults in rooms with those who were mentally ill because they didn’t know any better.”
To this, he was intrigued and responded, “Yes, I have heard about that. What a shame.”
Now here is where my shameful moment begins. I DIDN’T SEE THE OPENING, THE POINT OF THE CONVERSATION WHERE I COULD HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE. But my son did and so he took it.
“You hardly ever see any Down’s syndrome children anymore like you used to,” my son said.
The checker nodded again, looking intrigued.
My son continued. “That is because pregnant women have all those tests now and if they find out they are going to have a baby with Down’s syndrome, they just get an abortion instead.”
Ever feel like all 200 eyes of 100 grocery store customers might be on you?
I heard myself mutter, though quietly, “Yes, it is true that there is little value for human life these days,” hesitating to use the “a” word again and cringing a little at the political incorrectness of it all. I can be a tiger with an editorial staff but a whimp with a grocery store college student checker.
“You know, Hitler,” I heard my son say, “Hitler had the same plan, to exterminate all the unwanted people, those with handicaps, those who weren’t perfect. It is just like that today. They want to exterminate unborn babies who aren’t perfect.”
The checker paused, looking back and forth between me and my son. “Wow!” he said. “I had never thought about that before, but it is so true!”
We gathered our bags and left the checker deep in thought. I kept wondering why I hadn’t been the one to say these things, that it took my son, my son who is slow of speech and sometimes slow of thought, my son with the learning disabilities, to boldly speak the truth.
“Out of the mouth of babes (the weak, foolish, or contemptible) and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger.” ~ Psalm 8:2
31 Responses to on being pro-life in the grocery store
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But Karen, your son DID say the needed words! What a testimony! It was his time and when you were silent he spoke up. Your son, who you say is sometimes slow of speech… said what needed to be said. Praise God!
You must be sooooo proud of him. Wow. Nothing for YOU to be ashamed of – it was better coming from him, and a testimony to your mothering. What a courageous boy!
Perhaps the tag teaming may have made things less aggressive for listeners and they actually heard and thought about what was said. You did just fine – but I know what you mean.
I don’t think that showed a weakness on your part. But it sure showed your son’s ability to pick up on a great opening.
I recently had the great blessing of caring for an older woman after surgery and her 40 something daughter, with Down’s Syndrome, came to visit her. I spoke with her afterward and thanked her for pioneering the care of children with special needs. As a mom with 2 sons who have Autism, I look up to the women like her, who insisted on keeping their children close, raising them, and insisting that their personhood be respected.
I was so touched by her incredible attitude toward parenting a special needs child, and I tried to learn as much from her as I could in my short time as her nurse. In return, she was touched that I thanked her and understood how difficult it had been.
I never thought of her story in terms of abortion, because it’s just not something I’d think of when faced with a child with Down’s. I think of kids with special needs as a blessing. I think you do too.
But kudos to your son for seeing a great opportunity to share such an important point with someone who had never thought of it that way before!
Thanks for the kind words. I am so very proud of Will. We named him William James, which means “strong-willed defender of the truth” which we wrote on his birth announcements! Not a day goes by that he doesn’t really amaze me with his insights.
I don’t think many parents realize the importance of the “naming” of a child. It sure was taken seriously in the Bible.
I am learning that how you present the message is equally important as presenting the message in the first place. I agree with Trish: Your son presented it in a way that let people hear the message. And I think our tendency to not open our mouths is more a worry that our message will be shot down/not heard/berated than a lack of willingness to speak.
~Luke
I think that your son’s words are a brilliant testimony to the many things you did right in raising him. What an insightful young man!
that story made me cry. “i have no greater joy that to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”
thanks for sharing.
Ann, thank you for the kind words. Will is an amazing young man and I am continually amazed at how he comes to various conclusions.
Julie, I am so glad to hear from you. I have missed your blogging thoughts but fully understand the tyranny of “your” urgent!
{{{}}} to you my friend.
This totally made me cry! I admire your boldness sooo much, as it’s an area of great struggle for me. In turn, I can already see ways in which it is a great struggle for my children. You, on the other hand, have modeled it out very beautifully. All is as it was supposed to be that day! Seeds might not have been planted had you been the messenger that day. GOOD JOB, MAMA! ~and PRETTY PLEASE some rub shoulders with me? (((((HUGS))))) sandi
Do not feel a failure for not speaking up loudly, the Lord uses all things and he knows that checker. It is possible if you had been “in his face” with the subject he would not have listened. God bless your son! (and you!)” The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness. : Prov 15:2
Great story!
Go Will!!! I think the Lord orchestrated this exactly how He wanted it
blessings, Penny Raine
What a testimony!
Don’t feel bad that you didn’t say it… I agree with Penny, that it sounds like it was a Providential appointment for your son to be a man of God!
Excellent. ‘Nuff said.
Blessings from Ohio…Kim<
You did speak up, through your child. You see, our children will show through what they stand up for, how they have been trained by us. How amazing, and what a proud moment for you. Maybe he changed someone’s life yesterday! I have chills. Way to go son…
That is an awesome story! Unfortunately, I can identify with it. Praise God for that testimony!
Thank you for that wonderful story. We have a few children in my church with Down’s Syndrome, and they are wonderful worshipers.
We were recently (5 months ago!) blessed with a Down’s Syndrome child. I knew VERY LITTLE until after he was born. We did not do most of the tests, because it wouldn’t make any difference in our “decision to continue the pregnancy”. I am SHOCKED that 84% of DS babies are aborted when the DS is diagnosed while pregnant. Our sweet Aaron could perhaps be one of a very few of these special people left in the world. One website I’ve visited lists “endangered species” under each DS child’s picture.
Wonderful testimony. I agree with the others – it was likely taken a lot better coming from him. Besides, where do you think he learned to do that?
Noel, I was blessed to have a highschooled homeschooler with Down’s in my public speaking class this past spring! His mom just pulled him out of public school after Christmas….we need to pray for both of them as they make this transition!
Brought tears to my eyes.
Go God.
Noel: I just noticed this discussion. I am fairly new to this site. Our family is BLESSED to have a bio son, 14, with DS and an adopted son, 13 with DS.
Having these guys has opened our eyes to a whole new world. Kids with DS are smart, witty, stubborn, forgiving, imaginative, mischevious and loving.We cannot imagine having gone through life without them. It is so refreshing to be with people who are completely themselves no matter what the situation! Blessings to you and your family!
Wow, you must be so proud of your little boy! You’ve taught him well, so that even when you didn’t say something, he did, and did it well. Kudos mama!
Why is it considerd such a good thing to force women to have babies they cant care for?
It is HARD and EXPENSIVE to raise kids with disabilities. If you are rich, and therefore have the money to be a stay-at-home parent instead of working, and money for potential medical expensese (downs syndrome children can have heart problems. Is it really better to give birth to a child when you KNOW you wont be able to afford the treatment they need, thus subjecting them to unnessacery suffering?) then good for you. I applaud your efforts.
If you cant afford this….then i dont see how forcing people to have babies they cant care for is a good thing. Its cruel to bring life into the world if you cant care for it, its cruel to force people into positions of responsibility they arent ready for.
The idea that your child knows how it “used to be” is laughable, since he’s too young to have actually been alive to see it.
To equate genocide with abortion is dispicable, and to teach your son to do so is even more digraceful. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
You are financially secure- you can afford to have your kids. Lots of people cant afford to feed the kids they have. Are you really suggesting they deprive their other children jut so they can have another baby, let alone a baby who will need even more care than other. If you can afford to do so, then good for you. But to guilt-trip women who have abortions is disgusting: you have no idea what their reasons for having abortions are.
The very fact that you’ve taught your son that Hitler=abortionist makes me wonder why you are being allowed to homeschool your kids at all: your grasp of history is shakey at best.
Becca, I am so glad that you posted this comment. I am aware that there are several people writing about this article who are trying to reconstruct what I believe about having children, claiming I am part of the Quiverfull movement. As I have already told others, I would encourage you to listen to the entire podcast AND read my perspective other places on this blog. I would also encourage you to read what I ACTUALLY wrote in this piece. As I have said, my goal was to challenge my readers and listeners to consider whether or not they actually love children. If you are a Christian, it is not an option for we are commanded to love one another and Jesus said that as we have done it unto the least of these, we have done it unto him. And how can it be any more clear than this: “If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.” 1 John 4:20.
As far as your own “grasp of history” I would encourage you to research and understand what abortion actually is and has done in this country and around the world since it became legal through all 9 months of pregnancy in 1973. If the slaughter of over 50 million unborn children does not constitute genocide, what does? Did you know that there are currently more families willing to adopt children than there are abortions each year in America? Do you realize how many of those families actually request handicapped children? Are you familiar with the close connection between Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood, and Adolph Hitler. For a history lesson on this, please read this piece and look up the references:
http://www.thatmom.com/2010/02/20/why-homeschooling-moms-need-to-run-for-school-board-part-one/
Your comments about me being allowed to homeschool my children reminds me of a fun evening I had about 20 years ago. One of our older sons who was in his teens at the time was with me at a roundtable event held at a local university with the purpose of discussing social issues. One of the moderators was the local president of the ACLU and an avowed atheist; most of the audience members shared his views. During the nearly 3 hours we were there, my son had engaged this man repeatedly, challenging his typical humanist rhetoric with Biblical truth. Someone finally asked him where he attended school and when he said he was homeschooled, the room went crazy. Several women shouted “See, see, this is why those people need to be regulated! Someone needs to monitor that women.” I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed that! So,for you to not approve of what goes on in my home based on my son’s keen insights is another one of those moments for me, Becca!
As far as me not understanding why women choose to abort their children, I beg to differ with you. I have faced an unplanned pregnancy as a single woman and know the agony you go through when you have no money, no job, no insurance, and are unsure what to do. By God’s grace, my daughter’s life was spared, though there were those who tried their best to pressure us into having an abortion. In part because of that experience, I spent over 10 years counseling in crisis pregnancy centers. I know that the Lord provides a way for women to give birth to their children and to provide homes for them, without exception. If there is anyone who is pregnant and needs a home for her child, call or e-mail me personally. I guarantee a home for that baby and medical assistance for the mom. I also spent much of that time listening to women who had made the choice to abort and who were paying for that choice. There is only one way to deal with the pain of a past abortion….1 John 1:9 promises us that if we confess our sin to the Lord, He is faithful to forgive us from the sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. There is no other way whatsoever to escape from that “choice.” Those who have made this choice often choose to deal with it after the fact in destructive ways and many times the pain manifests itself in trying to convince everyone, including themselves, that it was the best option “for the baby.” Not until a woman is willing to face the truth that abortion is murder and the abortion holocaust we are experiencing today is genocide, will she be able to have peace. My heart goes out to anyone who has made this choice. But God’s mercy is wider than the sea and He is so willing to forgive anyone who has committed the sin of abortion.
Wow, your son is amazingly blessed by God. Not only is he well versed in the past percentages of down syndrome births vs natural miscarriages in the past, but he is well traveled enough today to be able to make an astute comparison between the percentages of births in the past to the percentages of births today. You must be very, very proud to have a son with such knowledge. Further, he is able to apply his knowledge from his lofty position, and pass judgment onto women and couples and the private decisions they make. His gifts also provide him the responsibility and duty to compare the personal and private decisions women and couples make as a family and with their doctors to the extermination of Jews. Since your son already knows to invoke Godwin’s to make an argument and at his young age is already judge and jury, God clearly has a special plan him, perhaps as a televangelist where he can spread his message of love, peace and tolerance around the world. Congratulations.
I just caught this:
“If the slaughter of over 50 million unborn children does not constitute genocide, what does?” And “Are you familiar with the close connection between Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood, and Adolph Hitler. ”
Yes, and Sanger did try to separate those 2 issues in her work, knowing it was an issue. While we’re on the associations between people and Hitler, let’s take a look at current actual genocide, for example, Darfur where little girls going out for water are raped and have their insides sliced out with a machete. There’s Rwanda. Turn back the clock to the killing fields in Cambodia. There are so many instances of actual genocide and atrocities past and present, but let’s go back to the infamous genocide brought up by your son and the reaction to that. The reaction of the … to put it delicately … non Jewish community to the plight of the Jews largely ranged from a giant collective yawn to silent approval to vocal approval to active participation to defending their actions in the court of law to today where many deny that it ever happened or the numbers were as large as they were. The Catholic Church itself a big anti choice organization managed to just get around to apologizing for it’s utter inaction during the Holocaust 60 years later.
Your son learnt those words from you, and the cashier was humoring him. Get. A. Grip.