real encouragement for real homeschool moms

A couple months ago I drew your attention here to the 2009 Homeschooling Leadership Summit to be held in March, expressing concern that the self-appointed homeschooling leaders who are planning this conference are setting an agenda and speaking for all Christian homeschoolers without being given a mandate to do so. Not only have the leaders denied homeschooling moms any input into their event but they have made it quite clear that they have no interest in discussing the concerns of moms or anyone else. (See the comments section at the above link from this website where Bill Roach, president of CHEC, sounding more like the president of the Kevin Swanson fan club, refuses to engage anyone in any discussion on the matter.) Today I am certain that the situation is far worse that I had originally thought since, thanks to an alert mom, I have discovered that the screening and weeding out of “undesirables” within the homeschooling ranks has been going on for over a year.

On January 20, John Holzmann, co-owner of Sonlight Curriculum shared the story on his blog of his company being banned from participating in a curriculum conference sponsored by Christian Educators of Colorado, the same group that is organizing the upcoming leadership conference.

John states “The letter that informed us of our having been banned was strangely uninformative. I am not at home right now, so I don’t have access to a PDF of the letter to show you. But, in essence, the author said, “You don’t meet our standards. We are unwilling to talk with you about it. Don’t ask.”

Happily, I have enough of a relationship with the president of CHEC (not much, but enough!) that I wrote to ask what was going on, what insight he might be able to shed on the subject. . . . I mean: It’s not as if Sonlight had changed in any fundamental way over the 13 years it had been in attendance at the CHEC convention. . . .

Ultimately, Sonlight received no written or full “official” explanation, but got the message: the convention committee was of the opinion that the company isn’t Christian enough . . . primarily because it isn’t strict enough in its young-earth teaching. It carries Usborne books that, as virtually all secular books that touch on issues related to origins, present an evolutionary perspective.

That Sonlight doesn’t schedule those pages, or that, when it does schedule them, counters those presentations with young-earth creationist material: Not good enough. Someone–a child, perhaps, without Mom’s or Dad’s permission, or maybe even a mom or dad–might find the offending books so attractive that they will read those pages and become convinced of their truth. . . .”

This has made me wonder how many more state homeschooling organizations or even Home School Legal Defense, for that matter, who is also participating in the leadership summit, are taking it upon themselves to decide who is and isn’t Christian enough to participate in conferences, conventions, and support services for homeschooling families. Will there be a check list presented as part of the “vision casting” of the summit, one that outlines the requirements necessary to be acknowledged as “Christian enough” for these men?

This is outrageous.

CHEC president, Bill Roach, perhaps you might like to grace us with your presence again and give us your perspective on this situation. The floor is yours.

49 Responses to what makes a homeschooling curriculum "Christian" enough for the patriocentrists?

  • katiekind says:

    Wow. Sonlight was a very fine source of Christian homeschooling curriculum. And quite conservative.

    I have not paid attention to the world of Christian homeschooling leaders and conferences since our boys graduated from homeschool, but it sounds like things are becoming more ideologically polarized. That’s sad. I guess the homeschooling movement, when it was smaller, knew they needed one another in a “big tent” kind of way, which I think was probably ultimately better for parents, as they could learn from the many points of view.

  • Kathleen says:

    I’ve linked on my blog to the early years of homeschooling (1980′s) when these “leaders” started to form alliances and alienate those who didn’t share their protestant views. I’ve talked to the “leaders” themselves, with no good answer from them. They formed homeschool coalitions that were made up of statement of faiths and that caused some, like Dr. Raymond Moore wrote about in his “White Papers”, to be excluded because they didn’t hold to the same tenets of faith (in a homeschool, not church, setting.) It caused many to become concerned with the exclusivity within the homeschool circles.

    Now, even more exclusionism is taking place. I see Christian homeschooling becoming more narrowly defined as these “leaders” with their agendas become more recognized. (talk about bully pulpit-ism) I’ve been in/around the homeschool world since the late 1980′s and it’s been amazing to see the changes. These “leaders” have left a wake of broken and injured and offended people, some of them believers, in their wake.

    The one thing that many of these “teachers” tell their followers is to be separate; to not watch tv, to not date, to be different from the “world”. When these people use others and steamroll over others and threaten lawsuits and make every effort to become top of the heap, isn’t this the definition of “worldliness”?

  • thatmom says:

    Katie, it really was a different world “back in the day” and we WERE so happy to know people who truly understood our goals as homeschooling parents, even if they differed with us on some points of theology, lifestyle, etc. Sigh. Sometimes I long for those days!

  • thatmom says:

    Kathleen, I thought of the white papers as I was reading John’s story.

    BTW, I have a series of podcasts with some lovely ladies from the Moore Foundation coming up next month. I have completed one interview and it was delightful. Three cheers for the Moores. Interestingly enough, medical science can now prove many of their theories, as we will discuss!

  • Peaches says:

    Karen,

    Is CHEC “the” main home school organization in Colorado? If it is, I’m curious about what non-Christian home schoolers do for support. I would think a state’s primary home schooling organization wouldn’t necessarily have the word “Christian” in it. Our state’s organization is quite conservative, but states nothing about being for Christians. The website is specific about how their purpose is to protect the freedom to educate at home and support homeschooling families. So what’s the deal with Colorado on that?

    I’m a little stunned about this. I’m going on my third year with Songlight and we specifically chose it because it doesn’t shelter children from the real world. I’ve encountered some of the books that have pages about evolution, but I think it’s great because WE want to be the ones to talk to our children about those things. It makes for some good conversations and the kids THINK. They are not merely spoon fed someone else’s beliefs.

    Kicking Sonlight out of their convention is bull. Thanks for getting the word out.

  • Cynthia Gee says:

    “The one thing that many of these “teachers” tell their followers is to be separate; to not watch tv, to not date, to be different from the “world”. When these people use others and steamroll over others and threaten lawsuits and make every effort to become top of the heap, isn’t this the definition of “worldliness”?”

    Well, yes.
    And I’d say that it’s about time for some enterprising NON-WEIRD Christian homeschoolers to separate themselves from the separatists and start up their own mainstream, orthodox Christian homeschooling organization. There is no reason for these wingnuts to be the only homeschooling game in town, after all, and the curriculum companies that they are banning, such as Sonlight, just might be glad to have a more NORMAL venue from which to sell their merchandise.

  • debrabaker says:

    I homeschooled in the ’80′s, and I got judged by my former legalistic church members because I didn’t homeschool their way.

    A lot of “their way” involved expendatures (sp) I couldn’t afford at the time. As a result, we had a very basic curriculum and supplemented it with a lot of literature from the library. The criticism grew so bad I lost heart for homsechooling and eventually put my kids in school which was a good choice for them and me.

    Funny thing, my older kids turned out to have a pretty good education after all. They are all quite successful in their endeavours including my daughter, the doctor. Sometimes, I do wish I could go back in time and let my old picked-on self in on that little piece of future info.

  • keebler says:

    I have used Sonlight with all 6 of my children from the first year until the 8th year and have been very pleased. But, I don’t agree with all of the curriculum choices it offers. How do I deal with that? I don’t need someone “on high” to deny me the right to see or choose the curriculum. I simply do not read the choices that are offered, or read them and discuss them with the children, depending on their age and level of maturity. The “leaders” who are imposing their views are assuming that we are all too stupid or gullible to know better. Kind of reminds me of Rush’s caricature of those in the government who know better how to spend our money.

    Our homeschool group is currently recovering from some years of the type of leadership that the CHEC represents. It is a type that puts the headship on the men, allows only one vote per family because the father is the one who should be making all the decisions, and expects that ALL the women in the group will defer to the “stronger” male opinion, even if we are a diverse group representing many different theological views. I don’t quibble with the idea of ultimate responsibility IN THE FAMILY for the father, but the reality is that the mothers do most of the work of homeschooling, spend most of the time with the children, know the children better in day-to-day situations, have more knowledge (in general) about what options are available, and have more connections with fellow homeschoolers.

    Our board meetings now consist of the mothers in leadership getting together to talk over issues of the calendar and activities. As president of the group, I am trying to get the idea across again that we are a support group for homeschooling – not a church, not a discipline unit, not an advocate group for a particular doctrine. We exist to encourage one another in our pursuit of homeschooling. I wish that we had never gotten away from that view. We are having a fairly calm year and some people are coming back after dropping out because of the unpleasantness of the past few years. But we have been damaged by the influence of the “men above all” view.

    To be fair, I will say that it was never actually stated as baldly as I have, but the issues really came about as one church exerted its views and influence through the board members that belonged to that particular church. The strife affected all of the board and it trickled down to the rest of the group. I don’t know that the influence was intentional, but it certainly was there.

  • thatmom says:

    I agree, this is only going to lead to division among homeschooling groups and I believe eventually either non-patrio groups will have their own conferences or the patrio groups will start their own, depending on which mindset rules the state or local groups.

    The big question for me is what HSLDA will do with this.

  • thatmom says:

    Keebler, I think it say a lot about your leadership and graciousness that your group is healing now. I am thankful that you are hanging in there to see that happen.

    I agree so much with this statement:

    “I don’t quibble with the idea of ultimate responsibility IN THE FAMILY for the father, but the reality is that the mothers do most of the work of homeschooling, spend most of the time with the children, know the children better in day-to-day situations, have more knowledge (in general) about what options are available, and have more connections with fellow homeschoolers.”

    There is much confusion about authority and where and when it is applied, some of those teachings being purposefully misrepresented, IMHO!

  • Spunky says:

    Interesting stuff, Karen. I’m not sure what to think about this. I saw this happen to a vendor years ago at a convention in Michigan.

    It appears to the “tent” is getting smaller.

  • thatmom says:

    Luke, thanks for stopping by. I am hoping that Bill Roach will stop in and leave some thoughts for us. I am wondering how this all fits into their agenda for the leadership conference and am certain that there is more to this story that will eventually be apparent. I also wonder how many other vendors have been told the same thing. Do you know if they have also prohibited others from attending, too?

  • Susan T says:

    How very strange and sad. I wonder if Marcia Somerville is still a top-selling Usborne Consultant and if she still incorporates Usborne books into her Tapestry of Grace curriculum and is TOG on the “acceptable curriculum” list? Does her husband Scott Somerville still have a connection to HSLDA… he was an attorney who worked for them??

  • Shauna says:

    Is CHEC “the” main home school organization in Colorado?

    Yes, it is. There are inclusive and secular groups in different parts of the state, but CHEC is the only statewide organization for homeschoolers in Colorado that I’m aware of.

  • Spunky says:

    FYI, there is a homeschool convention coming up in Cincinnati that desires to reach a cross section of the homeschool community with varying interests and motivations. It is specifically located in Cinci to reach a broad cross section of the Midwest. The dates are April 16-17 and I’ll be blogging and speaking at it. So it must be a “big tent” event if I’m going to be there!

    (Sorry if this sounds like shamelss self-promotion, it’s not. I just wanted others to know that not all homeschool conventions are the same.)

  • thatmom says:

    Susan, I was wondering the same thing about lot of vendors. What about Rainbow Resource? They carry lots of secular materials. And what about the Encyclopedia Britannica guy who comes to the APACHE convention? I would be curious to see who is and who isn’t on the Colorado CHEC list of approved vendors. There is more to this story.

  • joannabug says:

    I cry foul.

    Since when has it been “gossip” to ask for ethical and transparent behavior from a business on behalf of a consumer, investor, or share-holder?

    Here, something unethical seems to have happened and covered up. In the secular world of business, this would be related to controlling the market/monopoly. I see no reason why consumers (homeschoolers) shouldn’t ask for open and above-board transactions by those who are being supported and paid by them (through the venue of the conference). In fact, that seems like the most ethical thing to do.

  • Margie says:

    This is sad. NO answer to the question asked by a well-known and highly respected curriculum provider – John Holzmann. Then they try to make it sound like frivelous gossip when this is serious. A group determining what curriculums are “Christian enough”? And the curriculum provider’s don’t make their stamp of approval without explanation? Completely illogical nonsense! Granted we are faithful Sonlight users and lovers. My hubby and I want the children to be exposed to other thoughts on creation. It brings about great discussion and thought. What is this group teaching the world by being so exclusive? Hmmmm….. I feel my feathers ruffling….

  • sarah says:

    There are plenty of fine Christians who are not 6 day creationists. Of course, they are probably not welcome in CHEC.

    This patrio crowd is making all home schoolers look crazy. And stupid.

    I’m gonna go bake some cookies. Perhaps I’ll add nuts in honor of this wackiness.

  • thatmom says:

    Margie, the sad thing you pointed out is the refusal to answer critics. We have seen this repeatedly, including in the discussion here a year or so ago about the Passionate Housewives book. And, again, when various homeschooling moms expressed their concerns with the Elsie Dinsmore books and Doug Phillips’ affinity for R.L. Dabney with Vision Forum.

    I think the behavior of CHEC in Colorado is just the tip of the iceberg in the attempts to control the thinking and behavior of homeschooling families. Just wait until they have their “vision casting” conference. Their tent of orthodoxy will be even smaller.

  • thatmom says:

    “This patrio crowd is making all home schoolers look crazy. And stupid.”

    Sarah, once again, you nailed it. It is bad when you have to tell people, “yes, we homeschool, but…”

  • Julie says:

    CHEC is the only state wide homeschooling resource, and since i’m one of two families who homeschool in my tiny remote colorado town, it’s even more discouraging and i feel even more alone that i don’t have a “Christian” state group I can look to for support. It’s really ridiculous and tiresome. I’m hoping it eventually fizzes out…

  • Corrie says:

    Having been a loyal Sonlight user since it began, I find this to be humorous. I think John Holzman should take it as a HUGE compliment that the silly men of Kevin Swanson and Company don’t want Sonlight at the convention.

    Sonlight is too much of a threat to their whacky worldview. It might make someone actually THINK and EXAMINE what they are being told. Kevin Swanson would have far fewer listeners if more homeschoolers would use Sonlight. They would spot the overblown rhetoric for what it is. Sonlight teaches a child to think for him/herself. That is scary to patriocentrists. Can’t have children actually thinking outside of their patrio-boxes.

    Does Kevin Swanson not understand how completely ridiculous he sounds when he labels discussion that is contrary to his own beliefs as being from “silly women” who “gossip”? Is that the best the manly men can do? How about reasonable and rational discussion?

    Naaah…these men are far above any and all forms of reasonable and rational discussion.

  • thatmom says:

    Julie, I have heard from many homeschooling families who live in Colorado and who are absolutely fed up with the CHEC group. I hope one of these days one of you guys will start your own group! Wouldn’t that be awesome?

  • thatmom says:

    Corrie, I don’t think that they think we womenfolk could have reasonable and rational discussion and, frankly, I’m not sure I would use the adjectives “reasonable” and “rational” to describe Kevin on his broadcast. Do you remember all that nonsense about girls who go to college will end up with several abortions and illegitimate children?

  • Corrie says:

    “Practically every day now, somebody tells me of somebody or other who is venting his/her displeasure with Christian Home Educators of Colorado, Generations, Kevin Swanson, Vision Forum, or HSLDA, or the like, via the internet. They hand me a url, and I may or may not surf over to the site, stick my hand deep into the sewer pipe only to find more straw men, words out of context, outright lies, base calumnies, and the like.”

    A quote from Kevin Swanson’s article….

    Well, if he peaks his head into this sewer pipe could he please be so kind as to explain all his statements about college girls getting abortions and working women selling their flesh cheap to co-workers in one-night stands?

    Talk about strawmen and calumnies…..that is what his radio show is based on.

    Here at this sewer pipe we quote Kevin Swanson verbatim so there is no taking his words out of context as unbelievable as some of his words sound to the thinking person.

    What this discussion has to do with “weak-willed women”, I do not know. Maybe it has to do with those male deceivers in the homeschool movement level of leadership who prey on homeschool moms with their manmade snake-oil bible doctrine.

  • Corrie says:

    Karen,

    That is why I said that they are far above reasonable and rational discussion. :-) Listening to his radio program makes my brain hurt. I spend far too much time noticing the ridiculous assertions he puts forth as truth that I must be missing the “real” meat that attracts so many people? It puzzles me why he is considered a serious voice for homeschoolers. I can totally understand why people look at homeschoolers as goobers.

  • TaunyaH says:

    This is unbelievable!! I have used Sonlight for eight years and I consider myself to be a young earth, conservative Christian. How did we let a few misguided men hijack the entire homeschool movement in an attempt to line their own pockets by hawking their wares to unsuspecting homeschool moms who simply are searching for the best way to educate their children?

  • Kathy says:

    Guess I’ll take this opportunity to put in a plug for a new blogger, a Colorado pastor (and future homeschooler) who is not afraid to examine homeschooling and question some of the claims made by the so-called “leaders”.
    Can’t remember where I got the link originally, but I have appreciated what he has to say and thought the readers here might, also.

    http://www.christiannurture.blogspot.com

  • thatmom says:

    Kathy, I placed a link to this blogger on my sidebar here a couple weeks ago. He is a kindred spirit who has commented here several times and I appreciate much of what he has to say. Thanks for linking to him in this context. Since I often hear from Colorado homeschoolers who are concerned about Swanson et al, I know that will bless them.

  • thatmom says:

    Taunya,

    You asked a good question…how did it get to this point. Here are some of my thoughts about that, having observed how these groups work.

    In the early days of homeschooling (as in the last 25 years, though HS has been around much longer) as Katie pointed out above, we really needed each other and were more willing to overlook differences. Those people who hold to these extreme views have slowly and, I believe, very strategically, placed themselves in places of power, along with the help of HSLDA. Many of the planning summits are by invitation only and, as far as I know, no homeschooling leaders are placed in that position by any vote by local members. There is really tight control in the leadership which, in turn, keeps tights control over who speaks at conventions and conferences. You can look at the roster for some conferences, like this upcoming summit, and practically write the agenda yourself.

    So, how can we change this?

    Support conventions that don’t have patriocentrists in the keynote positions. I will be blogging about one that is coming up soon.There are some people who purpose to bring in sound and good speakers and we should support them.

    Stop giving special authority to these people when they don’t have it. Doug who? Voddie who? Kevin who?

    Don’t lend credibility to these people by participating in their websites, online forums, groups etc.

    Go out of your way to support those vendors and suppliers like Sonlight who don’t share their take-over-the-world agenda and purchase your curriculum from them.

    Remember that even a cup of arsenic in the well poisons the water. If you are reading and hearing things coming from certain speakers that change the Word of God to mean what they want it to mean, RUN. FAST. Become discerning and use Scripture as your guide for life and practice.

    Please add to the list….

  • Kathy says:

    In Washington state, there used to be one primary secular homeschooling organization and one Christian organization (WATCH). I don’t know when this happened, but now we have Christian Heritage, the state organization which is “distinctively Christian and Bible based”. Lists of their conference and retreat speakers read like a Who’s Who of patriarchy: Phillips, MacDonald, Baucham, Swanson, et al.
    We have a lot of homeschoolers here, but I don’t think enough to warrant two organizations competing for the same population of Christian families. I hope people will continue to support WATCH and let CH know that we don’t need to change to their patriarchal brand of multigenerational vision.

  • Lisa says:

    hmmm…maybe those letters CHEC are a clue as to why I, a homeschooling single Mom, have not been given a response to my request to join our local Christian homeschool group?

    Also–I do not need an “authority figure” to tell me whether materials are or are not appropriate for my daughter! I am LITERATE! I look, read, QUESTION what I see recommended. While I don’t use Sonlight, I do get a lot of good suggestions from their reading lists.

    A bunch of jerks is what these wiseguys sound like. I feel sad for anyone misled by such false teachers.

  • thatmom says:

    Oh, Lisa, I sure hope that there is some other explanation for this! I can’t think of any mom who needs more encouragement from other moms than a single mom homeschooling!

    Please drop by here any time and know you are more than welcome to share your thoughts and concerns and if I can encourage you in any way, please let me know.

  • Lisa says:

    Thanks for your encouragement. My experience has been very negative with Christian homeschool groups as a single mom. I’m a Bible believing Christian who adopted my kids, yet I get a very “interesting” response each time I apply. I’m fortunate to have my Mom nearby and, although she’s not a Christian, she is very, very supportive and helpful to me and my children. Your blog is a great source to help me keep really thinking about issues in homeschool. I really appreciate that. I like the intellectual back-and-forth in the comments and have found great stuff via links posted on the blog and in comments. I am not at all thrilled with the Patriarchy folks, but don’t want just “gripe”–I like see the facts, distortions etc. Thanks again.

  • thatmom says:

    Lisa, I think it is awesome that you have adopted and are homeschooling. I was adopted as an infant and have a soft spot in my heart for those who make this choice.

    Thanks for the encouragement today, btw, and I look forward to getting to know you.

  • Connie says:

    Lisa:

    You said, “I am LITERATE! I look, read, QUESTION what I see recommended.” Sad to say, that kind of thinking doesn’t set well with many homeschooling groups.

    It’s my belief that you would have had a negative experience with that particular homeschooling group regardless of your marital status.

    True, if you had checked the married box, you probably would have been accepted as a member. But sooner or later (probably sooner), you would have figured out that you really don’t have much in common with the group.

    I have been a married, homeschooling mom for many years, and I have yet to find a homeschooling group whose purpose isn’t limited to advocating its own narrow brand of “Christian” homeschooling and touting its particular homeschooling gurus. Oh, the groups around me look pretty good on paper, but their unwritten rules and assumptions are there all right, and I just don’t fit.

    Sometimes it’s a little lonely, but over the years, God has led me to a few like-minded people, and that’s been good enough. I have no doubt that God will provide what you and your children need, too. It just might not look like what you were hoping for or expecting.

  • Lisa says:

    Connie: I think you are right! We have been in a few “activities” in the nearby city with other “inclusive” homeschoolers and some shyly admit to being Christian–like we do.

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Francis Chan says:
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Tim Keller says:
"God’s love and forgiveness can pardon and restore any and every kind of sin or wrongdoing. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done. It doesn’t matter if you’ve deliberately oppressed or even murdered people, or how much you’ve abused yourself… There is no evil that the Father’s love cannot pardon and cover, there is no sin that is a match for his grace." ~ Tim Keller
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“The Christian gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less.” ! Tim Keller in The Reason for God.
Oswald Chambers says:
"If we simply preach the effects of redemption in the human life instead of the revealed, divine truth regarding Jesus Himself, the result is not new birth in those who listen. The result is a refined religious lifestyle, and the Spirit of God cannot witness to it because such preaching is in a realm other than His." ~ Oswald Chambers
Phillip E. Johnson says:
“When pressed in interviews to name my heroes, I have spontaneously responded that they are homeschooling mothers! To me, the heroic mothers who nurture the next generation of faithful Christians are among the leaders of the church.” ~ Phillip E. Johnson
John Stonestreet says:
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Carolyn Custis James says:
“The power of our theology comes alive when we take the truth personally. Holding God at arm’s length—no matter how much theology we think we know—will never make us great theologians. We have to learn to write our own names into the plot. God will always be the subject of our theological sentences but our sentences are incomplete until we make ourselves the direct objects of his attributes…..Simply knowing a lot of theological ideas, no matter how orthodox and sound they are, will never turn us into great theologians. Theology isn’t really theology for us until we live it. Not until we learn to make explicit connections between what we know about God and the race we are running will we taste the transforming power of our theology. Fixing our eyes on Jesus means reminding ourselves of all that He is to us now. He brings meaning to our routines and energizes us to tackle the difficult tasks at hand. Fixing our eyes on Jesus gives us hope to offer disheartened husbands and hurting friends, and the wisdom we need to raise children who will fix their eyes on Him, too.” ~ from Carolyn Custis James in When Life and Beliefs Collide
Anne Ortlund says:
“So what do we do to encourage them to grow inwardly, to become resourceful and creative, to think, to meditate, to lay the foundation for growing up well? Don’t push, but affirm them! Give them the sense that all is well, that their rate of progress is acceptable to you, that you like them just the way they are…..Guide them but be delighted in them. Let them know that life is to be reached for and drunk of deeply…..Enthusiastic, that’s how you want them to grow up! The word comes from “en Theo,” or “in God.” Support them with words of faith, hope, and love, and in that framework “in God,” they’ll be ready to tackle everything. Fears and cautions are built in at an early age but so is courage! Tomorrow’s world will be different if your child has been released to experiment, to risk, to lead others, to pursue righteousness, to be an affecter for good in society, to go courageously after God.” ~ Anne Ortlund in Children Are Wet Cement
J.C Ryle says:
"Kindness, gentleness, long-suffering, forbearance, patience, sympathy, a willingness to enter into childish troubles, a readiness to take part in childish joys, these are the cords by which a child may be led most easily, these are the clues you must follow if you would find the way to his heart." ~ J. C. Ryle in The Upper Room
Clay Clarkson says:
“Many Christian parents, myself included, tend to speak to children as though they were Pharisees. We can speak harshly and with judgment, implying by our manner that their hearts are hard and resistant. But this attitude is not justified by Scripture. There is no record of Jesus ever speaking to a a child in a harsh tone. When the Gospels record Him speaking to a child, it is always with gentleness. Our children are not our adversaries. Though our children’s hearts are corrupted by sin, they are not hardened sinners who have made conscious choices to reject the Savior. Our children are simply immature and childish. That’s why children need love and compassion, not harshness and guilt.” ~ Clay Clarkson in Heartfelt Discipline
Tim Kimmel says:
“Grace can’t be some abstract concept that you talk about in your home. It has to be a real-time action that ultimately imprints itself in your children’s hearts. To talk about grace, sing about grace, and have our children memorize verses about grace – but not give them specific gifts of grace – is to undermine God’s words of grace in their hearts. Grace means that God not only loves them but that He loves them uniquely and specially. The primary way to give our children grace is to offer it in place of our selfish preferences.” ~ Tim Kimmel in Grace-Based Parenting
Chuck Swindoll says:
"You want to mess up the minds of your children? Here's how - guaranteed! Rear them in a legalistic, tight context of external religion, where performance is more important than reality. Fake your faith. Sneak around and pretend your spirituality. Train your children to do the same. Embrace a long list of do's and don'ts publicly but hypocritically practice them privately...yet never own up to the fact that its hypocrisy. Act one way but live another. And you can count on it - emotional and spiritual damage will occur. "
Kathy Thile says:
"I say this gently, as the parent of grown kids, knowing *insert parenting guru* is also the parent of grown kids: we have wonderful children — he does, I’m sure — and so do I. But without even knowing his children I can know this about them: they are not perfect. They hurt. They make mistakes. They struggle. They are prideful and overly simplistic at times; and crippled by shame and hesitancy at others. Yes — they are beautiful examples of human beings, his children (I assume), and mine (I know.) But they are not perfect. If they were, they would not be human. If it were possible to raise children to perfection, then God would have sent a parenting method, not Jesus. Our marching orders are not to raise our children by a method to be like *insert parenting guru* children. Our marching orders are to be Christians to and with our children." ~ Kathy Thile
Anna Quindlen says:
“The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less." ~ Anna Quindlen
Winston Churchill says:
“My education was interrupted only by my schooling." ~ Winston Churchill
John Taylor Gatto says:
"The shocking possibility that dumb people don’t exist in sufficient numbers to warrant the millions of careers devoted to tending them will seem incredible to you. Yet that is my central proposition: the mass dumbness which justifies official schooling first had to be dreamed of; it isn’t real." ~ John Taylor Gatto
Fred Rogers say:
“Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.” ~ Fred Rogers
thatmom says
"The truth is that the way a marriage becomes truly heavenly is for each husband and each wife to pursue, really pursue, a relationship with Jesus Christ, to commit to obey the Word of God, to set aside each of their own agendas and paradigms, and then as they walk in the Holy Spirit, as they are sanctified, a little at a time each day, they will grow closer to one another. Godly wisdom will manifest itself in purity, peace, gentleness, mercy, a willingness to submit to one another, the fruits of the spirit, and no role-playing (the true meaning of hypocrisy). (James 3:17)" ~ thatmom
thatmom says:
"We need to approach our children not as character projects, but rather, we must see them with hearts of sympathy, with compassion and understanding, and with ears that listen. You see, homeschooling is not about lesson plans and research papers and standardized tests. Homeschooling is about building a relationship with our children, friendships that will last our entire lives on earth and clear into eternity. Homeschooling is merely the tool whereby we build those relationships." ~ thatmom
thatmom knows:
As a homeschooling mom, I have realized that everything, ultimately, is outside of my own control. I have learned that the unique circumstances that happen in my family have occurred because God’s plan is so much bigger than my own. It is knowing this truth about God and in experiencing that truth with those in my home that has enabled us to face past challenges and that will prepare us for all those difficulties that still lie before us.
thatmom realizes:
If I think about 37 years of marriage, times the number of loads of laundry I have done for 2 parents, 6 children and 1 grandma, I am amazed to know that I have washed, dried, folded, (sometimes ironed) and put away roughly 27,526 loads of laundry. That is over 215,000 socks! Or, in that same amount of time, provided 38,324 meals for a family and sometimes guests. Or that I have overseen nearly 21,500 hours of education of one sort or another during that time. Just thinking of these numbers takes my breath away. ~ thatmom
thatmom says:
"Real books from the library, a tub of art supplies, being read stories rich in vocabulary, a variety of good music, the daily discussion of God’s Word and how it relates to the world around him, and the attention of a loving parent who includes him in all the activities of real life are the secrets to a great learning experience for children." ~ thatmom
thatmom says:
"Being a mom is sort of like being all the people who crowd into a basketball arena all at once. Sometimes we are the players, the ones who are responsible for everything that is going on and our presence is front and center. Sometimes we are the coaches, giving comfort and encouragement, instructing with a clipboard in hand. Other times we are the referees, no striped shirts required but whistles are a must to break up the disputes when the game isn’t played as per the rules. Still other times we are the fans, cheering wildly from the stands, shouting from a distance but not from the floor. And then there are the days when we are the cheerleaders, the ones who scream 'Yeah, you can do it.' " ~ thatmom
thatmom says:
“The beauty of homeschooling is building relationships within our families and inspiring our children to become lifelong learners, gently leading them into the truth of Scripture and trusting that the work we have begun will be brought to completion by a sovereign God who has a plan for building His heavenly kingdom.” ~ thatmom
thatmom says:
"A family that embraces a paradigm becomes lazy and doesn’t study the Word of God for themselves. They take what others state as gospel. They have to check in with the “expert” blogs to see how so and so is doing it. It requires little effort and, truthfully, little leadership on the part of the parents. Dads who think they are turning the hearts of their children to themselves are really turning the hearts of their children to the dad’s gurus!" ~ thatmom
thatmom also says:
“After parenting for 36 years, I have come to realize that all paradigms are basically a list of do’s and don’ts that someone has created. Instead of embracing a list, I have discovered that it is best for me to run all ideas, philosophies, and paradigms through my “one-anothering hopper.” I ask myself if the suggestions or ideas I am hearing will serve to build my relationships or will serve to tear them down; will they reflect the one-anothering commands of Scripture? I ask if they are a picture of Christ and His relationship with me as His needy daughter. If not, I am not interested, no matter how much appeal they might have for any number of reasons.” ~ thatmom
thatmom says this, too:
“The word wisdom is used in Exodus to describe the knowledge that the Lord gave to the skilled artisans so they could make Aaron’s garments for worship. We are told that these workers “were given wisdom and understanding in knowledge and all manner of workmanship.” I have never had to sew any garments for a priest to wear for worship. I have not had to sew any draperies or build any walls or prepare any inner sanctuary as per the Lord’s instructions. But I have been called to give all I can toward the goal of building up children in the faith, preparing children for life outside my home, children whose bodies, we are told, are called the very temple of the Holy Spirit, children whose job it is to worship in spirit and in truth." ~ thatmom
what does thatmom believe?
" What is thy only comfort in life and death? "That I, with body and soul, both in life and death, am not my own, but belong unto my faithful Savior Jesus Christ; who, with His precious blood, has fully satisfied for all my sins, and delivered me from all the power of the devil; and so preserves me that without the will of my heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head; yea, that all things must be subservient to my salvation, and therefore, by his Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life, and makes me sincerely willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto him." ~ Heidelberg Catechism
What does it mean to be a Christian?

1.We must acknowledge that we are all sinners. “For we are all become as one that is unclean, and all our righteousnesses are as a polluted garment: and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away. (Isaiah 64:6) and “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23)

2.We are all accountable for our own sins before God. “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.” (2 Corinthians 5:10)

3.There is only one way to be forgiven of these sins and that is through the blood of Jesus Christ. “Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

4.If we confess our sin to the Lord and repent of it (not allow it to rule in our lives) we can be forgiven and be in right standing with God. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousenss.” (1 John 1:9)

5.Genuine salvation will result in living lives of good works but none of those works contribute in any way to our standing before God which is based solely and completely on the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross. “But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, He sat down at the right hand of God. (Hebrews 10:12) and “Not by works of righteousness which we have done but according to His mercy He saved us by the washing of regeneration and the renewing of the Holy Spirit. (Titus 3:5) and “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.” (Ephesians 2:8)

6.We all, men and women, boys and girls, have direct access to the throne of grace because everyone who is a born-again believer in Jesus Christ is called a “priest and king” in God’s economy. “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.” (I Peter 2:9)

I believe that many of the false teachings within the patriocentric movement are in direct contrast to these Scriptures and I would encourage each of us to first examine what we believe about Jesus and His work on the cross, its implications and its marvelous power.

Secondly, I would challenge anyone reading here to examine your own heart and ask yourself whether you have been trusting in good works….baptism, homeschooling, church attendance, modest dress, the list goes on and on, or if you have placed ALL your faith and hope in Jesus’ blood and righteousness alone.

And finally, I would challenge you to examine the teachings within your own church system, whether it is Protestant, Greek Orthodox, Roman Catholic, etc. Ask yourself what your church teaches about ecclesiastical authority and family authority. Does it line up with the Word of God? It is a top down system that requires certain works in exchange for a relationship with Jesus Christ or do you have the assurance that you are saved for eternity by His death on the cross in your stead? Does it teach that the fruits of the spirit and obedience to all the one anothers is what our lives will demonstrate or is there a list of man made rules?

If you desire to talk with me about this, please send me a note to shesthatmom@gmail.com. My desire is that no one who visits this website will leave without knowing the glorious truth that we can have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and can enjoy a life filled with His goodness and grace!

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credits
Adoration of the Home was painted by regional artist, Grant Wood. The original hangs in the Cedar Rapids Museum of Art. Ben Campbell and Lon Eldridge deserve extra cookies for writing, performing, recording, and mixing Mom’s Prairie Song for the podcast intro and outro. Great job, guys. Garrison Keillor would be proud.

Copyright © 2013 ~ thatmom.com. ~ Karen Campbell ~ All Rights Reserved.