“This was their second trek to the cemetery that day;  they had already been there as the sun came up to place small flags on the graves of veterans who had served in various wars, many of them their comrades in WWII….So it is, as I recall the Memorial Days of my past, the annual day we set apart to remember loved ones, to decorate their graves, and consider all those past generations, I want my children and grandchildren to also know what this day meant to me as a child.”   Listen here for this week’s podcast entitled “Remembering and Honoring Past Generations.”

I thought it might be fun to share some of our tried-and-true Memorial Day recipes.  Be sure to listen to Friday’s podcast and have a great weekend!

No Memorial Day is complete without grilling out. My Toastmaster’s friend, Jeff Thompson, is one of the managers at our local Hy-Vee store.  One night he gave a speech with pointers for grilling meat and one of his suggestions is probably the best tip I have ever had for cooking outside.  It is also the easiest thing in the world to do.  For grilling pork chops, chicken, or beef, use assorted wood chips like these, such as Apple Wood, Mesquite, or Hickory, following the directions on the package, to enhance the flavor of the meat.  Our favorite is Apple Wood for pork chops and Hickory for burgers.  Mesquite is great for chicken, especially when used in fajitas. 

Here are two side dish recipes that are great with grilled meats…..

Once-you-try-these-you’ll-never-eat-any-other-baked beans

1  7# can pork and beans, drained, reserving 1 cup liquid
2 pounds hickory smoked bacon, fried, reserving grease
1 large onion, finely minced
2 TBS. garlic, minced in oil
1 large green pepper, finely chopped
½ to ¾  cup prepared mustard ( taste to see if it is too tart)
1 ½ pound brown sugar

Place beans in large casserole dish.  Fry bacon, reserving grease.  Crumble when cool and add to beans.  In grease, fry onions, garlic, and peppers until translucent.  Over low heat, dissolve brown sugar and mustard, stirring until all are well mixed.  Pour over beans and mix well.  If mixture is too dry, add some of the reserved liquid from the beans. Bake in slow oven, about 300 degrees, for 3 hours or until the top is slightly browned and the liquid is absorbed.  (You may need to turn up the heat.) You can add brats if you want to make this a main dish meal. 

Stuffed Potatoes
They call these “stuffed” down south but we Yankees know them as twice-baked potatoes.  In deference to the North Carolinian who shared this recipe with me, I will call them stuffed but whatever you do, try these. 

6 large baking potatoes, well-scrubbed and rubbed with olive oil
1 cup butter, softened
1 cup finely chopped onion
1 cup finely chopped green pepper
1 pound bacon
1 pound Velveeta cheese, cut into small cubes
1 pound sour cream
Salt and fresh ground pepper

Wrap potatoes in individual foil squares and bake at 450 degrees for about 1 hour.  Remove from oven and cool.  Open and cut off the top third of each potato, being careful not to damage the skin.  Put potato insides into a bowl and set aside. 
Fry bacon until crisp and drain on paper towels.  In bacon drippings, fry onion and green pepper until translucent.  Drain.  In separate bowl, mix together butter, sour cream, and Velveeta.  Mix all together with potato and salt and pepper to taste.  Place into shells and wrap in foil.  Refrigerate overnight.  Bake in 350 degree oven for 30 minutes or until cheese is melted through.

And, for dessert…..

Company Cheesecake
I was convinced that I could never make a delicious cheesecake until I tried this recipe and now this is one of my favorite company desserts.   It is especially good served with fresh strawberries or raspberries! 

20 squares graham crackers, crushed well
3 TBS. sugar
4 TBS. melted butter
3  8 0z. packages cream cheese, softened
1 1/3 cup sugar
2 tsp. lemon juice
½ Tsp. vanilla extract
4 eggs
Zest of one lemon, optional

Heat oven to 350 degrees.  Mix crumbs, sugar and margarine.  Press into bottom of 10 ½” spring form pan.  Bake 8 minutes and cool.  Combine rest of ingredients, adding the eggs one at a time and beating well on high speed until fluffy.  Fold into cooled crumb mixture.
Bake at 300 degrees until it looks like the center is firm, about 1 hour.  Cover with foil if it starts to darken.  Whendone baking, turn off the oven and hold the door open an inch or two with a wooden spoon.  Allow cheesecake to cool to room temperature inside the oven.  This prevents it from shrinking! Refrigerate a least 3 hours before serving.  Lasts in fridge 10 days.  (not at our house, though, what a joke!!!)  

No-Bake Pineapple-Raspberry Cheesecake

2   8 oz. packages of cream cheese, softened
½ cup sugar
1   8 oz. carton Cool Whip
1   20 oz. can crushed pineapple, drained
1   package Keebler shortbread cookies
1   pound fresh or frozen raspberries, thawed and mixed with sugar to taste
4 oz. melted butter

In food processor or by hand, crush cookies and mix with butter and place in sides and bottom of spring form pan.
In mixer, whip together cream cheese and sugar
Mix in pineapple
Fold in Cool Whip and pour onto crust
Chill several hours or overnight
Before serving, top with berries.

 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”  Ephesians 4:32

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”   Colossians 3:12-17

A while back I came across a phrase emblazoned across the front of a t-shirt that read “Don’t get mad, get imprecatory,” a reference to those Psalms which invoke curses upon enemies and that are commonly referred to as “imprecatory psalms.”  Those Psalms which are in this category include Psalms 5, 6, 11, 12, 35, 37, 40, 52, 54, 56, 58, 69, 79, 83, 137, 139, and 143, the most familiar being Psalms 69 and 109.

In the past few years, I have been taken aback by the number of believers who have actually made praying an imprecatory prayer for others, including professing Christians, part of their personal and public prayer times, being the most personally offended when told that Psalm 137:9 which says “Happy shall they be who take your little ones and dash them against the rock!” is appropriate to pray as we consider unbelieving moms and their babies who are aborted!  As I recently heard in a sermon, once we pray for God’s justice, we had better be prepared ourselves because God will begin that justice with us!  I don’t know about you, but my prayer is for God’s mercy….and daily!

While I know that most of us do not open our personal journals and write imprecatory psalms, I also know that we, as homeschooling moms, do experience similar feelings toward others from time to time and sometimes we strongly express those feelings!  We become angry when we hear that homeschoolers are persecuted by state officials.  We easily take up offenses for our children when others are critical of us or of homeschooling in general.  We are frustrated and offended when another homeschooler implies that they homeschool in a better way than we do.  We become discouraged and feel personally threatened when a relative, especially one of our parents or in-laws, grills us on homeschooling and expresses disapproval.

A few years ago, I decided to plant a vine around the fence in my back yard.  I went to a local garden center and, after looking through all the choices, flowering, fast-growing, large-leafed, small-leafed, etc, finally remembered the lovely trumpet vine my dad had growing in his yard.  I approached the check-out with two small, unthreatening pots and the clerk looked horrified.  “Oh!”  she said, “I don’t think you really want to plant a trumpet vine.  Do you realize that once it is planted anywhere, it will take a bull dozer or a stick of dynamite to remove it?”

I think of that story every time I read Hebrews 12:15, which reads, “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”  You see, unforgiveness, when it becomes entrenched to the point that it becomes bitterness, becomes like the trumpet vine, a bitter root that is not easily removed and one that can produce bitter fruit.  Bitterness causes us to miss God’s grace!

I believe that there are two things that can quickly become a temptation for bitterness for a homeschooling mom.  If a child chooses to sin, how often have I seen or heard of unforgiving homeschooling parents pronouncing their child as rebellious and treating them as unbelievers!  Thus begins an ugly, vicious, downward spiral where the child reacts and makes other bad choices.  Rather than conveying to the child that grace awaits them at the end of the driveway, that “prodigal” child is pushed further and further away toward the pig pen!

The other area where I have seen the lack of a forgiving spirit is toward husbands who do not take leadership in their homes, at least the brand of leadership that a wife thinks a homeschooling family must have.  False expectations build and build until, in frustration, a husband gives up and mom is left with only a distorted snapshot of what she thinks her family should look like.  Forgiveness is forgotten and “many are defiled” as the writer of Hebrews predicts.

Both of these areas of unforgiveness can be traced back to worshipping at the idol of “the perfect homeschooling family,” of disobeying the warning that “When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.” (2 Corinthians 10:12)   It is only as we maintain an attitude of forgiveness toward one another, believing that God really is working in our lives, no matter what happens, that we can prevent bitterness from taking root.

I also believe that this passage in Colossians tells us HOW to forgive one another.  It says “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.” 

As we express to the Lord thankfulness for everything, the good and the bad, the disappointments and the struggles, the despair and the pain, we begin to praise His name and worship Him in our hearts and that is where the peace of Christ must rule!  Thanking God for the offense and asking God to give you an attitude of forgiveness toward your offenders is the first step toward rebuilding relationships that have been broken.  I am also including a few other passages of Scripture for study today and pray that they will be a blessing for you.

Matthew 6:9-15

Isaiah 43:25

Psalm 103:12

Psalm 130:3-4

Isaiah 38:17

Matthew 5:23-24

Luke 23:34

And, if you have a chance today, listen to one of my favorite worship songs, Blessed Be Your Name, by Matt Redman. As you listen, think of it in terms of thanking God and blessing His name for whatever is causing you to harbor an unforgiving spirit today!

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
When I’m found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say…
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

Blessed be your name
When the sun’s shining down on me
When the world’s all as it should be
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say…
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, Blessed be your name

 Copyright 2007

This month, my podcast celebrates women who made a difference, as I highlight stories of famous American women who were used by God in mighty ways, both in America and around the world.  Be sure to listen and invite your daughters to join you as we reflect on a few heroines of the faith.  I know they will be a great inspiration and encouragement to you!

June 1  Boldly Going Where No Woman Had Gone Before ~ the inspiring story of Betty Greene 

June 8  Taming the Wild, Wild West ~ the story of the amazing Harvey Girls 

June 15  Loosing the Ties That Bind ~ the incredible story of Gladys Alyward

June 22  Everybody’s Mama ~ the sacrificial love of Mary Ann Bickerdyke

June 29  The Little Woman Who Started the War ~ the humbling story of Harriet Beecher Stowe

   “I was so blessed to read the story of Anna Marie Jarvis.  She was a hero in her community and certainly an example of godly womanhood in action.  She was willing to put her faith into practice, doing what she could at that point in history to make the lives of her children better..…..But I do believe there are also heroes today.  The woman who lovingly places her baby into the arms of a mother who cannot bare her own, she is a hero.” Listen as I share the story of my own adoption in this weeks’s podcast entitled “A Mother’s Day Tribute to My Birth Mother.”

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”  Ephesians 5:21

When my dad first came home from World War 2, he set out to build his own home.  After purchasing a lovely country setting of 3 acres, he and my mom lived in the basement for a year or so until they could move upstairs.  Shiny hardwood floors, stained by his own hands, and detailed moldings throughout the house made it a treasure. In later years he and my mother walked mile after mile of old railroad track to gather prairie grass seeds and nearly-extinct plants for a prairie restoration project on their back acre, eventually nurturing it into a flourishing sea of flowering plants and home to wildlife. It is the home where I grew up, learned to ride a bike in the drive way, dressed for the 8th grade-freshman dance, brought my husband home to meet my parents, and took my children for their first Christmases.

Thirteen years ago when my dad died, my mom came to live with us.  She was physically unable to care for a home and so we sold “the old home place” as she loving refers to it.  I was heartbroken but knew that it was our only choice.  Needing to sell it quickly, we put up a “for sale” sign and less than 24 hours later had a buyer.  It was, however, a blessing that turned into a tragedy. 

As it turned out, the man who bought the house, with its sweet-smelling rose bushes and brick terrace, had run a skeet shooting lodge in another town and had decided to turn my dad’s prairie into a place to shoot live pigeons!  If you drive past “the old home place” today, you see a monstrosity of a 6 car garage full of sport utility vehicles where my mom’s perennial garden had been and dozens of cages for breeding doomed pigeons in the spot where my dad tended his organic garden.  Something that started out being so lovely and that represented so much comfort and warmth in my life has been ruined.

I often get the same sick feeling I have over my parents’ home when I hear or read what some men and women today have done with the verse “submit to one another.”  A passage of scripture that should bring such warmth and comfort to us has been turned into a verse used to beat women and children over the head, prohibit the use of their spiritual gifts, and entice believers onto a one-way street of one anothering.  Rather than seeing the loveliness of service to one another through the act of setting aside our personal rights for another, it has become the test that proves whether or not a woman is a suitable helpmeet for her husband or the first thing that measures the godliness of homeschooled children.

Often when analyzing the husband/wife relationship, there is a standard established that says that men are to love their wives and wives are to submit to their husbands.  This is a true, biblical statement.  However, just because it is true doesn’t mean that the reverse isn’t true.  The Bible clearly states that we are to love one another and that we are to submit to one another.  This plainly means that wives are to love and submit to their husbands.  It also means that husbands are to love and submit to their wives.

I will take this a step further and say that we are also to love our children and to submit to them as well.  You see, there are no pink and blue one anothering commands.  There are no girl and boy, gender specific one anothering commands.  There are no age specific or relationship specific commands.  The one anothering commands apply to all believers, male and female, Jew and Greek, slave and free!

But why has this become such a stumbling block to so many?  I believe it has become so because we have missed the example of Jesus and his servant’s attitude, we have neglected to take the whole of Scripture and have refused to place our lives square in the middle of the weightier matters of the Word of God. We have ignored the simplicity of life in the covenant of faith and have replaced it with phrases and semantics and man’s principles that reflect a divisive agenda.  We have substituted the beauty of an organic, natural one anothering approach to family life with a military, legalistic list of rules for family living.  Dear sisters, this ought not to be.

My granddaughter, Penelope, will be three soon.  When she was here at Christmas, her life’s ambition was to be a cowboy-girl.  Now she wants to be a princess, which she is anyway, but that is beside the point!  Over the weekend, my son and his wife took her to Disneyland so she could experience the Disney Fantasy Faire, where “happily ever after happens every day!”  Now, you must understand that my son’s idea of a great day off is watching Cardinal baseball or playing paintball.  I can’t imagine greeting and meeting princesses in sparkly gowns to be at the top of his list of preferences.  Instead, he willingly submitted to doing something that would delight his precious daughter.

In turn, my daughter-in-law is not necessarily a baseball fan, but because my son loves the game, she has learned the necessary language of baseball and cheerfully watches games with him.  She willingly sets aside her personal rights to the Home and Garden channel so that he can watch Albert Pujols!

I have observed many, many examples of submitting to one another in family life:  visits to the Air Force and Cowboy museums out of deference to the boys, my husband’s treat of taking me to the Jackie Kennedy fashion exhibit, roadside stops at flea markets for a wife by a husband who hates junk even after he painted our bedroom pink for me!  I have spent hours in Best Buy and Circuit City, have endured my share of action films, as my husband has watched Pride and Prejudice and Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman and we have both seen too many animated flicks to count in 31 years of parenting!

But here is the real beauty of living a life of genuine, biblical, one anothering submission.  When the difficult issues of life come before us, the spirit of submitting to one another is so great that conflicrs over the big issues rarely occur!  The truth is that if the desire to express our love and care for one another takes priority, yielding to each other can become a source of great joy and comfort.  You see, submission is not something controlled by the one who requires the submission.  Rather, it is yielding your personal rights as an expression of love for and commitment to another person.  It is done out of a heart of genuine respect, care, and interest in another person, and can never be demanded. Submission is the choice of an individual, is never done out of obligation, is done with the best interests of someone else in mind, and does not belong in its own category.  Instead, it blends in with all the other one anothers of Scripture to produce a picture of what heaven will certainly be for those who love God.

In simple terms, submitting to one another is merely an instinctive, beautiful dance we do as a family, choreographed by the grace of God in each of us.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death– even death on a cross!”
Philippians 2:3-8

Copyright 2007

“With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love”

“Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.”

“Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumbling block or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way.   It would be better for a millstone to be tied around his neck than for him to cause one of my little ones to stumble.”

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves.”

One of my all-time favorite literary characters is Nellie Oleson from the Little House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder. Being the daughter of a well-to-do storekeeper, Nellie, in her fancy store-bought dresses, made the most of every opportunity to let the Ingalls girls know that she thought they were beneath her. In nearly every situation, Nellie made her wishes known, made choices for the group without considering them, and always did so in a manner that conveyed her belief that she was better than the Ingalls girls.

Ma Ingalls, ever the voice of Christian piety, encouraged her daughters to always consider others as better than themselves, but Laura struggled with this during all her school years in Walnut Grove. Even though Laura became quite accomplished, no matter what she did, she always felt that, somehow, she was not as good as Nellie Oleson.

Esteeming or valuing someone as better than yourself is difficult. As a matter of fact, it is really difficult but it is a command that I believe applies in all relationships within the body of Christ, including how we treat our children.

Several years ago I read a quote from a young adult who had lived under the authoritarian attitudes of parents who were part of a very stringent homeschooling group, a group that teaches and promotes a hierarchical, chain-of-command structure within the home, family, and church. This young woman said that, while she is now a Christian and is married with a family of her own, one day she intends to homeschool her own children but in an entirely different context than the way she was raised. She talked about how difficult it was for her during her teen years because, while she didn’t seek to be rebellious, she constantly lived under the scrutiny of parents who had a certain vision for her life without taking into consideration any of her own convictions or desires. In describing her life she admitted, “There have been several times where I contemplated taking my own life, so dark was the cloud of judgment and a sense of overwhelming failure because I could not live up to the standards set by those over me.”

I was broken hearted as I read those words and wept as I asked God to forgive me for the many times that I had expectations on my children that were based on my own preferences and convictions, without taking into consideration their own feelings or even all that God might have planned for their own lives, apart from me. This is hard to swallow, painful, and sometimes, downright scary, because this is where faith in God’s sovereignty meets our own pitiful attempts to control other people.

I want to be very clear that I am not talking about what the Bible defines as sin. I already addressed this in the “iron sharpening iron” commands article. We are most definitely called to instruct, teach, admonish, etc. as we grow in grace with our children.

What I am talking about are the behaviors that children make or ideas that they have that can’t be as easily defined as “sinful behavior,” but in some circles are defined as such. Small children, for example, often struggle with sleeping at night. Is it right that we demand a good night’s sleep at the expense of a child’s physical or emotional needs? Older children might question reasons for certain family standards and they deserve to be given a hearing rather than told that even asking questions is rebellion.

You see, children are not stupid. And, especially if you have trained them to measure all things by the standard of the Bible, they will read and be confused when things we have labeled as “sinful” never appear in that light on the pages of God’s word. Then what our children see in us is an attitude of superiority, of esteeming ourselves more highly than them, of placing our choices on a higher plane than their choices, and, worst of all, of placing our own standards over Scripture.

I recently read the blog of a well-known homeschooling leader that referred to a certain couple as a “home education legend.”  Now, when I think of a legend within Christian circles, I think of Jim Elliot or Jonathan and Elizabeth Goforth, or Willian Carey, men and women who have followed Christ and obeyed the Word of God, forsaking man’s ways.  Doing a little research on this “home education legend,” I soon discovered why they were legendary: they had purposed to follow the preferences of this homeschooling leader in establishing standards in their homes!  You see, the message was sent, loud and clear, that to be a home education star, a family of legendary proportions, you must do things a certain way.  Dear sisters, this is not right.  No home education family ought to be placed on a pedestal or esteemed more highly than another, especially because they have followed the teachings of one particular man!

I would encourage you today to gently listen to your own children, to find out what they believe the Lord is doing in their lives, to welcome their ideas and thoughts.  And while you do, remember that the Holy Spirit is working in each of them for His own pleasure and to do His own will.  That, itself, makes them worthy of our esteem!

Next we will consider what it might mean to submit to our children!

Copyright 2007

  What if God’s plan was to take you into unexpected single parenting as a homeschooling mom?  Join me this week as I talk with my friend, Joy, as she shares what the Lord has done to preserve her through the difficult days surrounding her husband’s cancer and death.  I know you will be blessed.  This week’s podcast is called Homeschooling in the Milieu ~ Interview with Joy Nuesken (part 3)

“ Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.” 1 Peter 4:9

When I was about 6 or 7 years old, my mom and I attended what was, for me, a quite memorable mother and daughter banquet at our church.  My mother had used the occasion to take me shopping for a new Kate Greenaway dress, which I wore, complete with a crinoline petticoat and black patent leather Mary Janes.  Pin curled and sporting a matching patent leather purse, I proudly sat at the lovely table along with the “other” church ladies, admiring the bouquets of lilacs, chatting with my mom, and enjoying myself immensely. 

Customarily, the men of the church prepared and served the meal and this night our table’s server was Mr. Hagaman, one of the older men I always enjoyed talking with on Sundays.  He had a smile for everyone and a soft and gentle manner.  He asked me what I would like to drink and when I said, “Milk, please,” he reached out to lift my glass, but in the process, spilled nearly the entire pitcher of milk onto my lap.  I didn’t cry but I wanted to.  My mom quickly took me to the bathroom and did her best to clean me up, but I was a sticky, crinoline and patent leather mess for the rest of the night.  Mr. Hagaman wiped up the table and floor and spent most of the evening apologizing profusely.

The next morning I woke up to find a gift wrapped box of chocolates on the front door step along with a sweet letter from Mr. Hagaman, once again telling me how sorry he had been for ruining my evening.  I was amazed at the thoughtfulness of this dear man, my brother in Christ and, perhaps, that was when I first realized that chocolate makes everything better!  In this one simple act of kindness toward a child, Mr. Hagaman demonstrated to me that I was a valuable person, someone worthy of his hospitality.

In Romans 12:1-2, Paul admonishes us that now that we are believers, we are to become like Jesus.  He says “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship.  Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. “  He then continues through the chapter, listing some things that reflect what it means to be in God’s good, pleasing, and perfect will, with verse 13 saying “Practice hospitality.”  You see, showing hospitality to our children is not just a nice idea, it is a requirement if we are to live in God’s will; it is an act of worship to God.

Jesus warned his disciples repeatedly of this truth.  Several times in the Gospels, it is recorded that the disciples argued over who was greatest in the kingdom, even asking Jesus who was greatest, hoping, I am sure, that he would list their names.  Imagine the surprise they experienced when He told them that the one who serves is the greatest and then called a little child and told them that unless they became like little children they would never enter heaven!  He then goes on to tell them that not only are they welcoming Jesus when they welcome children, but if they harm any child they are in danger of punishment that would be worse than having a millstone tied around their necks and being cast into the sea!
  
You see, Jesus set the tone for all of us regarding the importance of children in His kingdom, in His order of life.  They are not to be the ones set aside and out of the way in our churches, placed somewhere so they don’t disturb the “real worshippers.”  Children are not the ones who should be taught to always go to the end of the line or to sit at the “children’s tables.”  Children are not the ones to be treated with disrespect and told ”children are to be seen and not heard.”  They are not to be trained as dogs or frightened into compliance with “disciplinary” weaponry.  Instead, He said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them.”  And then he took them in His arms, put his hands on them, and blessed them.”

How do we demonstrate hospitality?  We prepare for our guests, we anticipate their arrival, we provide our best food, a clean house, a comfortable bed at night, we use our best sheets and towels, the ones that match.  We prepare food they will like and if we know they don’t care for certain foods, we don’t say “You will finish this or you will be eating it cold for breakfast.”  We don’t think “We will wait until they go to bed and then bring out the best dessert.”   A child will know he is welcomed in your home when he receives the royal treatment usually reserved for guests! 

Author, Anne Ortlund, in her book Children are Wet Cement, tells of her vivid memory of going out for lunch with her family every Sunday after morning worship and how her father always allowed the children to choose from the adult side of the menu rather than from the children’s selections.  She said that that simple act made her feel valued as a fellow believer in Christ and opened her heart to receive spiritual truth from her parents.  The “pattern of this world,” as Romans talks about, is to not value children as the precious image bearers of Christ that they are, but rather to see them as little extensions of ourselves or as projects that are to be made in our own image. 

Psalm 8:2 joyfully tells us “from the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger.”  Let us purpose to do all that we can to enable our children to praise God by showing them hospitality today!

Next we will look at the command to esteem our children better than ourselves.

Copyright 2007

Galatians 6:1-2 reads “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.  Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ “

The admonition is, first, that we must be spiritual ourselves, we must be walking the walk of a Christian in the presence of our children.  Secondly, the verse tells us that we have to have a spirit of gentleness, which in the Greek means “with humility,” lest you also be tempted.  If we look at this verse in terms of relating to our children, we have to ask how we can be tempted.  I think it could be when we forget that we are sinners, too, and that we, ourselves, are daily overtaken in trespasses.  When we reject a humble, gentle attitude toward our children, we are tempted to mistreat them, physically and verbally.  We can either build up and restore a child by our words and actions or we can tear down and lord it over them showing no spirit of humility whatsoever.

One year when our sons were on a little league team, one of the coaches was also the father of one of the players.  Week after week this man belittled his son and dressed him down in front of all his teammates and their parents.  (If I could live those weeks over, and knowing then what I know now, I would have confronted the father myself.) The poor kid didn’t improve much during the season and always had the demeanor of a defeated little soul, sitting on the bench, shoulders stooped and head down. While we don’t remember much else about that year of baseball, we do remember the day the county sheriff had to come to the ball field and escort this father away because he was so out of control that the game could not continue.  No matter how accomplished that little boy might be as an adult now, I am certain he bears the scars of his father’s words to this day.

Scripture is telling us that the same principle applies to correcting sin. We are to do so gently and compassionately, remembering that we, too, are sinners in need of a Savior, and are still a work in progess ourselves. How we respond to sin in the lives of our children will have lasting consequences and if we are harsh might even cause them to give up altogether.

Then this passage goes on to say “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. “

Do you bear your children’s burdens?  Do you really listen to them, do you know what is causing them to struggle, to lack faith, to disobey you?  Do you think of potty training as bearing another’s burdens?  What about teething? Do you understand that to a child with some learning disabilities, even mild ones, the ordinary chores of life are heavy burdens? And what about our older children who are beginning to experience the many challenges that come just by living life?

Once I got a phone call from my college age son.  He was frustrated and began relaying a story to me about the difficulties he had experienced with one professor.  It seems that this teacher had requirements for the writing work he accepted and my son, after nearly an entire semester in his class, still didn’t understand exactly what the man was requiring.  As a matter of fact, there were only a handful of students who did understand and many of my son’s friends and acquaintances were in the same quandary as my son found himself.

In retrospect, what I needed to pull out were all the “nurturing” commands.  He was tired, he was overwhelmed with trying to finish papers and projects amid the frustration of having talked with this teacher. I should have purposed to bear his burdens, to have been patient, humble and gentle, to have been kind and compassionate.  To my shame, I was not.  Instead, I chose to admonish, strongly, to “teach” (the more appropriate word was lecture) and to be anything but encouraging.  Had I paused and considered what the Bible says love looks like, I would not have yelled over his cell phone, loudly enough, I might add, to force him to have to leave the area so his friends wouldn’t hear me sharpening his iron!

You see, as is usually the case, the Lord used the truth of Scripture to convict me that not only had I chosen to employ the wrong commands, I had not bathed my use of the “iron sharpening iron” commands in love.  We had been reading through 1 Corinthians that week in our family devotions and then we came to chapter 13 and this is what we read: “ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.”

Ouch.

My son, who is my precious brother in Christ, should have been treated with gentleness and encouragement.  Thankfully, God is gracious and good and forgives our trespasses.  And so did my son.

Next we will consider what it means to show hospitality to our children.

Copyright 2007.