real encouragement for real homeschool moms

Monthly Archives: April 2007

For years, the joke in my kitchen was the sad state of my kitchen knives. Being so used to working with them, I thought nothing of paring potatoes with a carving knife but anyone helping me in the kitchen just couldn’t get used to my sad tools. It wasn’t until I received a beautiful set of red-handled kitchen knives, complete with their own honing tool, that I knew what I had been missing. And that tool is amazing. A few swift strokes of the blade across its rough edges and I can chop, whittle, and dice anything!

I am fascinated by Proverbs 27:17 which reads “as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another,” and perhaps most fascinated of all by the context in which it is written. Most of the 16 verses that precede it list stressful social exchanges: a man talking loudly while his neighbor sleeps, a nagging wife who cannot be stopped, a person who makes unwise financial choices with an immoral woman, boasting, anger, fury, jealousy, a man forsaking his home. And then, as though it should make everything all better, it says we sharpen each other as if we are going through the painful process of sharpening iron.

I don’t know a lot about the process of sharpening iron, but I do know a couple things. First, you must have the right tools to do the sharpening. A cotton ball is terrific for dabbing Calamine lotion on a mosquito bite, but it make a lousy tool for knife sharpening. This is the reason that I refer to some of the “one another” passages of Scripture as the “iron sharpening iron” verses, especially when put in the context of family life. As we live in families, we naturally will have conflicts. But, if we use the right tools for sharpening each other, that is, the “one another” verses, we will be able to refine each other, helping each other to be better prepared for service in God’s kingdom. I would list the “iron sharpening iron” verses as:

Instruct one another (Romans 15:14)

Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs (Ephesians 5:19)

Admonish one another (Col. 3:16)

Encourage one another (1 Thess. 5:11)

Spur one another on to love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24)

Often, when we think of iron sharpening iron, we picture the painful process rather than the finished result. Admonishing, for example, produces uncomfortable thoughts; maybe it even causes us to remember times when we were admonished ourselves and it wasn’t pleasant. Or maybe the idea of instructing another person leaves you uninspired. However, in the context of the other ways we help each other grow, worshipping together, encouraging each other to do what is right and not what is wrong, to correct each other when we see each other sin or even when we see each other making foolish choices, we learn that being in an “iron sharpening iron” relationship is what God uses to make us more like Jesus.

I think the other fact I know about sharpening iron, though, is the most important one. In order to produce really sharp edges, you must use successively finer stones to get a very smooth surface. You see, the closer we are in relationship to each other, specifically as husbands and wives, the finer our tools for sharpening each other. The closeness of the relationship, the intimacy we share, knowing each other in ways no one else does, and the commitment we have made, all place us in the right position for the hand of God to use us to polish off the rough edges! As we strategically one another each other in our marriages, carefully obeying God’s word, we employ God’s chosen method to produce husbands and wives who grow, in grace, together, co-workers fit for His kingdom.

Copyright 2007

podcast logo   It is my goal, in the coming months, to introduce some topics and situations that are difficult and to introduce you to real homeschooling moms who have been able, by God’s grace, to meet these challenges head on.  I will call these podcasts Homeschooling in the Milieu, because that is where we homeschool our children, in the midst of the day to day struggles, in the middle of the battles, whether they are educational in nature or not, and we experience them while living lives that are not idyllic…..Listen here for the podcast entitled Homeschooling in the Milieu ~ Interview with Joy Nuesken, (Part 1)

As I read through the one another passages, it strikes me that there are three categories in which we can place these commands and I think they perfectly demonstrate three aspects of a godly husband-wife relationship. The first group I will call the “nurturing” commands, those things husbands and wives do for each other that nurture the relationship, building it up and giving it strength:

stop passing judgment on one another (Romans 14:3)

accept one another (Romans 15:7)

serve one another (Galatians 5:13)

be kind and compassionate to one another (Ephesians 4:32)

submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21)

forgive one another (Colossians 3:13)

greet each other with a holy kiss of love (1 Peter 5:14)

live in harmony with one another (1Peter 3:8)

offer hospitality to one another ((1Peter 4:9)

have fellowship with one another (1John 1:7)

In the Romans 15:7 passage, the literal word for “accept” is “receive” which connotes a drawing to oneself, a bringing close, a close relationship.  Of course we assume that a husband and wife are close, but, as with anything else that is worthwhile, it is a goal that must be worked toward.  In other words, closeness in marriage does not just happen.  We become one flesh when we marry but achieving a oneness in marriage requires that we deliberately and purposefully work toward that end.

It is interesting how each of these one anothers requires obeying the other ones on the list.  If we stop passing judgment, we learn to accept each other.  In order to do that, we need to maintain a spirit of forgiveness and submission (setting aside our personal rights) in our homes, which means that we must demonstrate kindness and compassion by serving each other.  Then we will be able to live in harmony and offer hospitality to one another, which results in real fellowship. 

Let me give you an example.  Suppose your husband has forgotten your wedding anniversary.  (Hard to imagine I know.)  You are hurt and in your mind you conjure up all sorts of reasons why he might have done this, all of them personally offensive.  In your mind, you have tried him for this heinous crime and passed judgment on him.  You cannot accept his slight.  You do not forgive him and you demonstrate it by not being kind and not serving him or submitting to the things he desires.  The result is no harmony or fellowship.

On the other hand, suppose you greet this situation without passing judgment. You accept or welcome him home, greeting him with the “holy kiss of love,” you do everything you can to express kindness, compassion, and a servant’s heart, which really are the out workings of forgiveness, are they not? You set aside your personal right, that of having the anniversary remembered. The result is harmony and fellowship.  By obeying the “nurturing commands,” you have contributed to building the oneness in your marriage.  You have also created a spirit of openness for practicing the “iron sharpening iron commands.”

Copyright 2007

The Sunday edition of our local newspaper publishes pictures of couples celebrating their anniversaries.  I always enjoy this feature and especially love the ones that show a picture of the newlyweds on their wedding day next to a current picture taken for the anniversary.  How often I am blessed as I read the short accounts of their lives, stories that, in a few words, reflect decades of childbirth, employment, family losses, and future plans. Usually the warmth of the relationship that brought them to the day of celebrating 25, 50, 60 or, sometimes even 70 years of marriage is reflected in their faces. Inevitably, the struggles and pain that were a part of their journey shows in the lines and wrinkles. 

I have often thought that I would like to sit down with these couples and ask them, tape recorder running, what the secret has been to their success in marriage, what wisdom they could impart that might be helpful in 2007.  After all, if the statistics show that more than 50% of marriages today, even among Christians, end in divorce, we need to know how to maneuver around the obstacles that can take us off the path of wedded bliss and into the thorny bushes of destroyed marriages.

I have many books in my personal library that discuss the marriage relationship, from writers who talk about preparation for marriage to those who are advocating one position or another on the topic of the roles that husbands and wives are to play in the home.  But, as I have been considering what words of encouragement I could offer for homeschooling mothers in light of marriage, I keep thinking about the fact that marriage is a temporal institution, it is for today but one day it will pass away and what will remain is the brother and sister in Christ relationship that believers will share throughout all eternity.  It is from that frame of reference I want to look at God’s word.

On this blog, you will see that I frequently refer to the “one anothers” of Scripture, those passages that are commands to Christians for their relationships with each other.  I believe that they are some of the most practical and easy to understand portions of the Bible, though they aren’t always the easiest to obey, especially within the marriage context!  We need to remember that the Holy Spirit is the one who imparts God’s grace to us, enabling us to show that same grace to our husbands, our brothers in Christ.  I would encourage you to look up all the one anothers listed in the New Testament, read them in context, and study them. Next, we will break down these verses into the three types of commands that I call the “nurturing commands,” the “iron sharpening iron commands” and the “blanket commands.”

Copyright 2007

I have a friend who is a very spiritual person.  In fact, her greatest desire is to be certain that I, too, walk the same path of faith that she walks.  She frequently sends me literature in the mail or stops by my house with a packet of inspirational material from her church.  From time to time, we have engaged in lengthy discussions about life and about faith.  But, inevitably, we come to an impasse and for only one reason:  I have purposed to hold every teaching up to the entire counsel of God as found in His Word, the Bible, and she has not.  She believes that the Bible is helpful and that parts of it, at least the parts sanctioned by her own church, are profitable.  However, every single discussion we have had about the Lord and about living as a believer in Jesus Christ comes back to the place that God’s Word takes in our lives.  If we are to become growing, faithful followers of Jesus, we must begin by having faith in Christ alone for our salvation, knowing that faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God. 

One of my favorite passages of God’s Word that instructs believers in how to have fruitful spiritual lives is 2 Peter 1:2-10.  This is what it says:

“May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.  His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.  For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall.”

My first response to these verses is one of great hope.  They were written by Peter, the disciple who, so many, many times, failed in his walk with Christ, even to the point of denying him.  Peter often acted rashly and was forever needing to come back to Jesus, seeking forgiveness in repentance.  How encouraging it is for me to know that such wonderful words from God were penned by the disciple whose life was like my own, given to disobedience and faithlessness!

Peter begins by telling us that grace and peace will be given to us in large measure through knowing God and Jesus and by the power of the Holy Spirit.  And not only that, but it is given to us for all things.  Isn’t that an amazing thought, that God has granted us the ability to bear fruit in all areas of our lives?  We do not have to live in, as John Bunyan called it, the “slough of despair.”  God gives us everything we need for life and godliness!

Peter goes on to tell us that to this glorious gift of faith, we are to add virtue, knowledge, self-control, steadfastness, godliness, brotherly affection and love.  This looks like a list that will take a life time to achieve and that is because it will!  Because we live in human bodies, in a fallen world, and continually battle a sin nature, we sometimes ride the receding tide of an advancing wave.  In other words, we might take a step back before we take several steps forward. But in the end we have the promise of God that He will bring us to completion.

As I look at that list, I know, first hand, some of the very temptations that homeschooling moms are prone to have that keep us from growing spiritually.  We become too busy to study the Bible in depth.  It becomes easier to simply depend on the pastor, church elders, a great radio teacher, or your husband to do the studying and explaining of Scripture.  But Paul commended the Bereans for their self-study.  Each of us must find some time to read the Bible, to learn how to use a Strong’s concordance or any number of online Bible study tools. (One of my favorites is www.crosswalk.com.) God’s desire is to work in your heart individually and we must remember that Scripture tells us that all will stand before the judgment seat of Christ.  Perhaps you feel that you are too busy with housework and homeschooling to set aside time for individual study.  Do you remember the story of Mary and Martha?  Martha was miffed at Mary for spending so much time at Jesus’ feet while she did all the kitchen chores.  But Jesus reprimanded Martha, telling her that Mary “chose the better part.”

Maintaining self-control is also a challenge, I believe, for moms, and one continual challenge is dealing with our own bodies.  We struggle with hormones that fluctuate up and down and all around from month to month, pregnancy to pregnancy, all in between, and, as I am now finding, to the end of the age!  The result is that we desire to do the right thing, to live godly lives, but somehow fall back into saying things we don’t mean to say or doing things that cause pain and hurt to our husband or children.  But remember this: God knows our weaknesses and still His desire is to protect us and bring us through these trials.  Isaiah 43:1-2 contains this amazing promise: “But now, this is what the Lord says, He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel.  Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have summoned you by name, you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, the flames will not set you ablaze.”  Could that passage also be talking about hot flashes, I wonder?

I also know that there is comfort in food and lack of self-control in this area can be a real concern.  Regular exercise and healthy eating choices (“Oh great!” you say, “and just when she gave us such yummy recipes!”) give us a positive outlook and help us maintain a good attitude.

Peter continues to admonish us to be steadfast.  The word translated in the Greek from this passage is “hupomone” and it literally means a cheerful, hopeful, constant patience.  A very real part of spiritual growth is trusting that God, in His sovereignty, has only one plan for our lives, there is only a plan A, no plan B.  We are to be continually trusting in this truth, remaining hopeful and cheerful in all that we do.

A while back I heard an awesome sermon about ”hupomone” where the pastor tells this story.  A farmer had a mule who became old and useless to him.  Rather than kill the animal outright, the farmer decided to dump the animal into an old abandoned well.  With each shovel full of dirt that landed on that old mule, the mule said to himself, “Shake it off and step up.”  What great advice for us on days when we are discouraged!

For a homeschooling mom, I cannot stress how important it is to remain steadfast because we set the tone for the entire family!  I will just briefly list a few things that help to keep us steadfast:  regular worship at home and with other believers, staying in the Word, avoiding friends, relatives, or online sources such as blogs that weigh you down, criticize you, or offer unattainable goals for your life, reading inspirational writings, such as biographies, and listening to music that causes you to praise God rather than concentrate on yourself.

Peter also tells us that brotherly affection and love are to be goals that we have as we grow spiritually.  Love is not an emotion or a feeling; it is an act of the will.  But as we purpose to put others before ourselves, an amazing thing happens.  We begin to feel love for that person.  Deliberately doing loving and kind things for others, praying for others, and setting aside our personal rights in deference to another will all result in feelings of tenderness, compassion, and goodwill toward them. 

Peter concludes by telling us that if we do not have these spiritual qualities, we are spiritually blind and in need of spiritual healing.  John Newton, author of the hymn Amazing Grace, had experienced a horrific life as a slave trader until God miraculously reached down and touched his heart.  “I once was blind but now I see” were the words Newton used to describe the work of Jesus Christ in his life. Let this be said of homeschooling moms who are purposing to walk lives of faith, bringing glory to God and a testimony of grace to our children.

“If you lack assurance of God’s love and of your own salvation, take heed that you do not say, I shall never be assured; take heed you do not say, I shall haver have a promise; take heed you do not say, I shall never have the testimony of the Spirit bearing witness with my spirit that I am a child of God. Do not say, thus, I shall never be helped; I am in a sad condition, and I shall never be better; I am in an uncomfortable condition, and I shall never be comforted; I lack assurance, and I shall never have assurance. Beloved, this you cannot say, for who knows what God will do? His ways are in the deep, and His footsteps are not known.”  William Bridge

Next we will look at the topic of husbands and wives growing in grace together.

Copyright 2007

Over the past month I have been writing about the six traits of strong families as discovered by the Stinnett-DeFrain study.  Today I am beginning a series of articles addressing the importance of having spiritually healthy families.  I plan to include discussions that I pray will be helpful to you as I believe that a strong family life can only occur when family members are living spiritually healthy lives.  I also believe that a spiritually healthy environment must be discovered and nurtured intentionally if we are to be productive and if our children are to carry this lifestyle into their own homes.

In the next couple of weeks I will be addressing the topics of personal spiritual growth, the spiritual lives of a husband and wife, evangelizing and discipling our own children, finding and recognizing a spiritually healthy church, the very real dangers of spiritual abuse in churches, and ending the “swinging pendulum” homeschooling families experience as they try to find a balance between homeschooling-hostile and homeschooling-friendly churches.

Since I talked about my family history of cooking and the value of family meal time on my podcast this week, I thought I would share four of our family’s favorite recipes that I mentioned.  I hope you all enjoy them.

Mollie’s Wedding Fruit Slush ~ 3 dozen

I first served over 300 of these wonderful treats at Mollie and Aaron’s wedding reception.   Two years later, Clayton and Stacie requested this for their wedding so Mollie, Janell, and I whipped them up in Bakersfield, California! Now they are a staple at holiday brunches and summer parties at the Campbell home. 

1 12 ounce can frozen orange juice, prepared as instructed on can
1 12 ounce can frozen lemonade, prepared as instructed on can
2 or 3 16 ounce cartons frozen strawberries with juice ( sometimes more strawberries just seems like the thing to have!)
2 large cans crushed pineapple
4 mashed bananas
2 cups sugar
(You can use 1 can apricot nectar in place of lemonade)

Mix well together and put in individual cups to freeze.  I typically use small clear plastic punch cups and put them either on a cookie sheet or in the cartons that containers of yogurt come in at Aldi.   At Christmas I like to serve this for brunch and will freeze the slush in pretty glasses.

Clayton and Sam’s Neighborhood Cracked Wheat Bread (2 large loaves)

Clayton and Sam tantalized their neighborhood friends with this bread, fresh out of the oven and drizzled with melting butter and peanut butter!

1 cup milk
2 TBS. oil
2 tsp. salt
2 TBS. molasses
2 TBS. yeast
2 cup warm water (110 to 115 degrees)sprinkled with dash of ginger and 1 tsp. sugar to help yeast activate
1 cup rye flour
1 cup cracked wheat
4 to 6 cup sifted all purpose flour (add until dough leaves sides of bowl and forms one ball)

Scald milk and add shortening, salt and molasses.  Cool to lukewarm.  Sprinkle yeast on warm water in large mixing bowl and stir to dissolve.  Stir in rye flour, cracked wheat, 1 ½ cup flour and milk mixture.  Beat with electric mixer at medium speed for 2 minutes, scraping bowl occasionally.   Stir in remaining flour, a little at a time, to make a dough that leaves the sides of the bowl.  Knead for about 10 minutes, until satiny and elastic.  Place in lightly greased bowl, turning once to grease top.  Cover and let rise in warm place until doubled, about 1 hour.  Punch down, cover, and let rise again for 45 minutes.  Turn dough onto board and divide in half.  Shape into loaves and place in 2 greased loaf pans.  Cover and let rise again until doubled, about 45 minutes. Bake in 375 degree over for 40-45 minutes, covering with foil last 10 minutes to prevent excessive browning.  Turn from pans onto wire racks.  Brush tops of warm loaves with melted butter.  Serve to young boys while still hot!

Heavenly Brownies

These brownies were the perfect gift for wedding guests!  We wrapped them in hot pink striped tissue paper and boxed them in tiny boxes handmade by Aaron’s sister, Gracen.  The beautiful outside was a tantalizing invitation to the glorious chocolate treat inside!

1 cup butter
8 ounces semi-sweet chocolate
4 large eggs
½ tsp. salt
1 cup white sugar
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
2 tsp. vanilla
1 cup flour
2 cups walnut or pecan pieces, optional

Set oven rack in middle and preheat to 350 degrees.  Bring a saucepan of water to a boil and turn off heat.  Combine butter and chocolate in a heat proof bowl and set over pan of water. Stir occasionally until melted.  Whisk eggs together in a bowl and then add salt, sugars and vanilla.  Stir in chocolate and butter mixture and then fold in flour.  Line a buttered 13 X 9 pan with buttered parchment paper or foil.  Pour batter into prepared pan and spread evenly.  Bake for 45 minutes, until top has formed a shiny crust and batter is moderately firm.  Cool in pan on a rack.  Wrap pan in plastic wrap and keep at room temperature or refrigerated until next day. (Can be frozen at this point.) To cut brownies, unmold onto a cutting board, remove paper and replace with another cutting board.  Turn cake right side up and trim away edges.  (Save trimmings and freeze in a baggie to crumble over ice cream another day!)  Cut brownies into 2 inch squares. 

Calico Cheese Ball (makes 2)
This cheese ball is the perfect salty balance to the fruity slush.

2  8-ounce packages cream cheese, softened
½ cup softened butter
1 cup olive juice (brine from green olives)
1# shredded cheddar cheese
1 package (or 1 TBS.) powdered Ranch salad dressing mix
1 cup finely chopped green onions
1 cup finely chopped green pepper (can use some red pepper for color)
1 cup finely chopped green olives with pimento
1 cup finely chopped pecans, optional

Cream together first 5 ingredients.
Add vegetables, mix well and form into ball.  Roll in pecans if desired.
Chill well.  (This is really best if left overnight to chill.)
Remove from fridge 30 minutes before serving.  It is great served on crackers or with bread sticks and can be made ahead and frozen, too.  Just wrap in plastic wrap and then foil before you place in freezer.
 

podcast logo  One of the “one another” commands of Scripture is to show hospitality to one another.  It is so important, in fact, that more than once the apostle Paul lists”being given to hospitality” as a requirement for leadership in the church.  If we are to be given to hospitality, it must begin at home with our children as we serve them….Listen here for this week’s podcast entitled 32 Years Over a Hot Stove.

The apostle John wrote “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth” and that is the heart’s cry of every Christian mother.  In our own home, our prayer has been that our children would never know a single day when they were not believers and we continue to pray that they will live lives of purpose and repentance, growing in God’s grace daily.  But sometimes we, as parents, wonder why our children do not respond to the truth of Scripture as we present it to them, though we know they have professed Christ as Savior.

When I was in high school, I had a dear friend, Curt, who was absolutely brilliant.  He was also not a believer and could articulate quite well why he didn’t believe in the redemptive work of Christ.  While he was studying at a large, secular university, one night he was alone in his room at his fraternity house and picked up a Bible.  By the time he had read through the Pentateuch, the Holy Spirit had convicted him of his need for a Savior.  God’s written word went straight to my friend’s heart and soul, drawing him to salvation.  Because he was a very cerebral sort of person, I believe God used the written word, straight from the Bible, to draw Curt into a relationship with Him.

I have another friend who suffered terribly at the hands of abusive parents.  Every time she has made giant strides in her relationship with the Lord it has come through building genuine, loving relationships with other believers who have shared the word of God and have testified to its power in their own lives.  For others, God has used His gift to us of music that, when sung, has presented His word in fresh ways to communicate His love and grace.

I believe that our children are unique and precious souls who will receive God’s word to each of them in their own ways.  Isaiah 55:8-11 gives us this promise: “for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, “declares the Lord.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.  As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eaters, so is my word that goes out from my mouth:” It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”

Our responsibility as parents is to discover the special ways that God’s word touches our individual children and how best to prepare them to hear and receive it.  If your children are researchers at heart, showing them how to use a Strong’s concordance will thrill them and give them the opportunity to experience the delight of discovering the intricacies of God’s word.  Helping them memorize verses such as Jeremiah 31:3 and 1 John 3:1 will speak to the heart of those children who respond best to words of affirmation. Teaching them in word and in deed by giving gifts to God and others will prepare their hearts for receiving God’s gift of Jesus and will show them the joy of serving others in His name.

We must also do all that we can to not discourage them from responding to His word.  Sometimes Sunday mornings can be the most tense and unspiritual hours of the week.  I know, first hand, that setting out clothes on Saturday night, preparing, ahead of time, a delicious and special Sunday dinner, giving everyone a nutritious breakfast, and playing soothing music helps to prepare all of us for worship. 

I also believe that the best place for a child on Sunday morning is sitting next to his parents during worship.  Learning how to pray corporately, enthusiastically singing songs, hymns, and spiritual songs, and showing them how to take sermon notes all prepare a child’s heart for receiving the word.  Sometimes we think they aren’t old enough to get anything out of the service, but the spirit of God speaks to their hearts and spirits in ways we cannot understand.  My mom tells the story of being just a small child on her mother’s lap during a revival service and, to this day, remembering the spirit of the Lord as it met her little heart in that place!

I know that there are certain stages of infancy and childhood when a little one is just too wiggly or has just discovered his vocal chords. That is when you spend time walking him around the church narthex, just trying to keep him still. And, of course, those same little ones will have their hearts hardened if their little cheeks are squeezed or their thighs are pinched so that should never be something we do.  But creatively and gently showing them God’s love and graciously treating those noisy little ones in the same manner you would treat an elderly person who “whisper shouts” all through a service will say more to your children than words could ever say.

We will do well to remember two things:  God in His timing and in His own way, brings His elect to the knowledge of Christ.  And, as parents, our role is to prepare the soil of their hearts, to receive His touch.

Copyright 2007

Program schedule

May 4         Homeschooling in the Milieu (part 2) ~ Joy Nuesken continues as my special guest on today’s program 

May 11       Homeschooling in the Milieu (part 3) ~ Joy Nuesken, back by popular demand, continues as my special guest on today’s program 

May 18       Mother’s Day Tribute ~ Motherhood comes in various shapes and sizes. This podcast features my own adoption story and commentary on becoming a mom.

May 25       ”As for a man, his days are as grass” ~ remembering veterans and those who have gone before us

Promote Relationship Homeschooling!

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Family Integrated Church podcasts
The Family Integrated Church ~ Are you frustrated in your search for a church home? Are you considering a family integrated church? The podcast series on the FIC movement is just for you! This series includes Pastor Shawn Mathis who explains the "theological basis" for the movement, Pastor Steve Doyle, who was once an FIC pastor and left the movement, and Bible scholar and author, Jon Zens, who looks at the underlying doctrines that permeate many FIC churches. The series concludes with thatmom's encouragement to homeschooling families as they seek to be part of the entire body of Christ. You will also want to read the series of articles on the pros and cons of the FIC and my exhortation to homeschooling families who are looking for a church home!
thatmom’s podcasts on iTunes
thatmom’s thoughts on curriculum

And you can learn about my thoughts on developing your own philosophy of education as well as finding the methods of homeschooling that work best for you and your children by

looking for my presentations on Home Educating Family's media site.

The Grace Awakening Book Study
Join me on an adventure as we study through Chuck Swindoll’s book The Grace Awakening. Each Monday I will post some thoughts from a portion of the book and we will discuss them in the comment section, making special application for moms. (Dads and singles are welcome to join us, too!) You can purchase a copy of the book (there are lots of used copies available via Amazon) or it is also available on audio. I don’t want you to feel like you have to read along to join in the discussion; I want this to be as stress free as possible. But I know you will enjoy the book if you read it……understanding and embracing grace is life changing and many have found this book to be a great encouragement after coming through paradigm based ministries, including some homeschooling groups. Please invite your friends, I know you will be blessed!!! We will be starting on July 23rd!
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truth from the Word
"Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73: 25-26
more truth from the Word
"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." ~ Ephesians 4:32
Francis Chan says:
"Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter."
Tim Keller says:
"God’s love and forgiveness can pardon and restore any and every kind of sin or wrongdoing. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done. It doesn’t matter if you’ve deliberately oppressed or even murdered people, or how much you’ve abused yourself… There is no evil that the Father’s love cannot pardon and cover, there is no sin that is a match for his grace." ~ Tim Keller
Tim Keller also says:
“The Christian gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less.” ! Tim Keller in The Reason for God.
Oswald Chambers says:
"If we simply preach the effects of redemption in the human life instead of the revealed, divine truth regarding Jesus Himself, the result is not new birth in those who listen. The result is a refined religious lifestyle, and the Spirit of God cannot witness to it because such preaching is in a realm other than His." ~ Oswald Chambers
Phillip E. Johnson says:
“When pressed in interviews to name my heroes, I have spontaneously responded that they are homeschooling mothers! To me, the heroic mothers who nurture the next generation of faithful Christians are among the leaders of the church.” ~ Phillip E. Johnson
John Stonestreet says:
“C.S. Lewis said that for every new book we read, we ought to read three old ones. But I think for every latest, greatest new homeschooling book you read, go find three old homeschooling moms and ask them what happened and what worked.” ~ John Stonestreet
Carolyn Custis James says:
“The power of our theology comes alive when we take the truth personally. Holding God at arm’s length—no matter how much theology we think we know—will never make us great theologians. We have to learn to write our own names into the plot. God will always be the subject of our theological sentences but our sentences are incomplete until we make ourselves the direct objects of his attributes…..Simply knowing a lot of theological ideas, no matter how orthodox and sound they are, will never turn us into great theologians. Theology isn’t really theology for us until we live it. Not until we learn to make explicit connections between what we know about God and the race we are running will we taste the transforming power of our theology. Fixing our eyes on Jesus means reminding ourselves of all that He is to us now. He brings meaning to our routines and energizes us to tackle the difficult tasks at hand. Fixing our eyes on Jesus gives us hope to offer disheartened husbands and hurting friends, and the wisdom we need to raise children who will fix their eyes on Him, too.” ~ from Carolyn Custis James in When Life and Beliefs Collide
Anne Ortlund says:
“So what do we do to encourage them to grow inwardly, to become resourceful and creative, to think, to meditate, to lay the foundation for growing up well? Don’t push, but affirm them! Give them the sense that all is well, that their rate of progress is acceptable to you, that you like them just the way they are…..Guide them but be delighted in them. Let them know that life is to be reached for and drunk of deeply…..Enthusiastic, that’s how you want them to grow up! The word comes from “en Theo,” or “in God.” Support them with words of faith, hope, and love, and in that framework “in God,” they’ll be ready to tackle everything. Fears and cautions are built in at an early age but so is courage! Tomorrow’s world will be different if your child has been released to experiment, to risk, to lead others, to pursue righteousness, to be an affecter for good in society, to go courageously after God.” ~ Anne Ortlund in Children Are Wet Cement
J.C Ryle says:
"Kindness, gentleness, long-suffering, forbearance, patience, sympathy, a willingness to enter into childish troubles, a readiness to take part in childish joys, these are the cords by which a child may be led most easily, these are the clues you must follow if you would find the way to his heart." ~ J. C. Ryle in The Upper Room
Clay Clarkson says:
“Many Christian parents, myself included, tend to speak to children as though they were Pharisees. We can speak harshly and with judgment, implying by our manner that their hearts are hard and resistant. But this attitude is not justified by Scripture. There is no record of Jesus ever speaking to a a child in a harsh tone. When the Gospels record Him speaking to a child, it is always with gentleness. Our children are not our adversaries. Though our children’s hearts are corrupted by sin, they are not hardened sinners who have made conscious choices to reject the Savior. Our children are simply immature and childish. That’s why children need love and compassion, not harshness and guilt.” ~ Clay Clarkson in Heartfelt Discipline
Tim Kimmel says:
“Grace can’t be some abstract concept that you talk about in your home. It has to be a real-time action that ultimately imprints itself in your children’s hearts. To talk about grace, sing about grace, and have our children memorize verses about grace – but not give them specific gifts of grace – is to undermine God’s words of grace in their hearts. Grace means that God not only loves them but that He loves them uniquely and specially. The primary way to give our children grace is to offer it in place of our selfish preferences.” ~ Tim Kimmel in Grace-Based Parenting
Chuck Swindoll says:
"You want to mess up the minds of your children? Here's how - guaranteed! Rear them in a legalistic, tight context of external religion, where performance is more important than reality. Fake your faith. Sneak around and pretend your spirituality. Train your children to do the same. Embrace a long list of do's and don'ts publicly but hypocritically practice them privately...yet never own up to the fact that its hypocrisy. Act one way but live another. And you can count on it - emotional and spiritual damage will occur. "
Kathy Thile says:
"I say this gently, as the parent of grown kids, knowing *insert parenting guru* is also the parent of grown kids: we have wonderful children — he does, I’m sure — and so do I. But without even knowing his children I can know this about them: they are not perfect. They hurt. They make mistakes. They struggle. They are prideful and overly simplistic at times; and crippled by shame and hesitancy at others. Yes — they are beautiful examples of human beings, his children (I assume), and mine (I know.) But they are not perfect. If they were, they would not be human. If it were possible to raise children to perfection, then God would have sent a parenting method, not Jesus. Our marching orders are not to raise our children by a method to be like *insert parenting guru* children. Our marching orders are to be Christians to and with our children." ~ Kathy Thile
Anna Quindlen says:
“The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less." ~ Anna Quindlen
Winston Churchill says:
“My education was interrupted only by my schooling." ~ Winston Churchill
John Taylor Gatto says:
"The shocking possibility that dumb people don’t exist in sufficient numbers to warrant the millions of careers devoted to tending them will seem incredible to you. Yet that is my central proposition: the mass dumbness which justifies official schooling first had to be dreamed of; it isn’t real." ~ John Taylor Gatto
Fred Rogers say:
“Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.” ~ Fred Rogers
thatmom says
"The truth is that the way a marriage becomes truly heavenly is for each husband and each wife to pursue, really pursue, a relationship with Jesus Christ, to commit to obey the Word of God, to set aside each of their own agendas and paradigms, and then as they walk in the Holy Spirit, as they are sanctified, a little at a time each day, they will grow closer to one another. Godly wisdom will manifest itself in purity, peace, gentleness, mercy, a willingness to submit to one another, the fruits of the spirit, and no role-playing (the true meaning of hypocrisy). (James 3:17)" ~ thatmom
thatmom says:
"We need to approach our children not as character projects, but rather, we must see them with hearts of sympathy, with compassion and understanding, and with ears that listen. You see, homeschooling is not about lesson plans and research papers and standardized tests. Homeschooling is about building a relationship with our children, friendships that will last our entire lives on earth and clear into eternity. Homeschooling is merely the tool whereby we build those relationships." ~ thatmom
thatmom knows:
As a homeschooling mom, I have realized that everything, ultimately, is outside of my own control. I have learned that the unique circumstances that happen in my family have occurred because God’s plan is so much bigger than my own. It is knowing this truth about God and in experiencing that truth with those in my home that has enabled us to face past challenges and that will prepare us for all those difficulties that still lie before us.
thatmom realizes:
If I think about 37 years of marriage, times the number of loads of laundry I have done for 2 parents, 6 children and 1 grandma, I am amazed to know that I have washed, dried, folded, (sometimes ironed) and put away roughly 27,526 loads of laundry. That is over 215,000 socks! Or, in that same amount of time, provided 38,324 meals for a family and sometimes guests. Or that I have overseen nearly 21,500 hours of education of one sort or another during that time. Just thinking of these numbers takes my breath away. ~ thatmom
thatmom says:
"Real books from the library, a tub of art supplies, being read stories rich in vocabulary, a variety of good music, the daily discussion of God’s Word and how it relates to the world around him, and the attention of a loving parent who includes him in all the activities of real life are the secrets to a great learning experience for children." ~ thatmom
thatmom says:
"Being a mom is sort of like being all the people who crowd into a basketball arena all at once. Sometimes we are the players, the ones who are responsible for everything that is going on and our presence is front and center. Sometimes we are the coaches, giving comfort and encouragement, instructing with a clipboard in hand. Other times we are the referees, no striped shirts required but whistles are a must to break up the disputes when the game isn’t played as per the rules. Still other times we are the fans, cheering wildly from the stands, shouting from a distance but not from the floor. And then there are the days when we are the cheerleaders, the ones who scream 'Yeah, you can do it.' " ~ thatmom
thatmom says:
“The beauty of homeschooling is building relationships within our families and inspiring our children to become lifelong learners, gently leading them into the truth of Scripture and trusting that the work we have begun will be brought to completion by a sovereign God who has a plan for building His heavenly kingdom.” ~ thatmom
thatmom says:
"A family that embraces a paradigm becomes lazy and doesn’t study the Word of God for themselves. They take what others state as gospel. They have to check in with the “expert” blogs to see how so and so is doing it. It requires little effort and, truthfully, little leadership on the part of the parents. Dads who think they are turning the hearts of their children to themselves are really turning the hearts of their children to the dad’s gurus!" ~ thatmom
thatmom also says:
“After parenting for 36 years, I have come to realize that all paradigms are basically a list of do’s and don’ts that someone has created. Instead of embracing a list, I have discovered that it is best for me to run all ideas, philosophies, and paradigms through my “one-anothering hopper.” I ask myself if the suggestions or ideas I am hearing will serve to build my relationships or will serve to tear them down; will they reflect the one-anothering commands of Scripture? I ask if they are a picture of Christ and His relationship with me as His needy daughter. If not, I am not interested, no matter how much appeal they might have for any number of reasons.” ~ thatmom
thatmom says this, too:
“The word wisdom is used in Exodus to describe the knowledge that the Lord gave to the skilled artisans so they could make Aaron’s garments for worship. We are told that these workers “were given wisdom and understanding in knowledge and all manner of workmanship.” I have never had to sew any garments for a priest to wear for worship. I have not had to sew any draperies or build any walls or prepare any inner sanctuary as per the Lord’s instructions. But I have been called to give all I can toward the goal of building up children in the faith, preparing children for life outside my home, children whose bodies, we are told, are called the very temple of the Holy Spirit, children whose job it is to worship in spirit and in truth." ~ thatmom
what does thatmom believe?
" What is thy only comfort in life and death? "That I, with body and soul, both in life and death, am not my own, but belong unto my faithful Savior Jesus Christ; who, with His precious blood, has fully satisfied for all my sins, and delivered me from all the power of the devil; and so preserves me that without the will of my heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head; yea, that all things must be subservient to my salvation, and therefore, by his Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life, and makes me sincerely willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto him." ~ Heidelberg Catechism
What does it mean to be a Christian?

1.We must acknowledge that we are all sinners. “For we are all become as one that is unclean, and all our righteousnesses are as a polluted garment: and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away. (Isaiah 64:6) and “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23)

2.We are all accountable for our own sins before God. “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.” (2 Corinthians 5:10)

3.There is only one way to be forgiven of these sins and that is through the blood of Jesus Christ. “Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

4.If we confess our sin to the Lord and repent of it (not allow it to rule in our lives) we can be forgiven and be in right standing with God. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousenss.” (1 John 1:9)

5.Genuine salvation will result in living lives of good works but none of those works contribute in any way to our standing before God which is based solely and completely on the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross. “But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, He sat down at the right hand of God. (Hebrews 10:12) and “Not by works of righteousness which we have done but according to His mercy He saved us by the washing of regeneration and the renewing of the Holy Spirit. (Titus 3:5) and “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.” (Ephesians 2:8)

6.We all, men and women, boys and girls, have direct access to the throne of grace because everyone who is a born-again believer in Jesus Christ is called a “priest and king” in God’s economy. “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.” (I Peter 2:9)

I believe that many of the false teachings within the patriocentric movement are in direct contrast to these Scriptures and I would encourage each of us to first examine what we believe about Jesus and His work on the cross, its implications and its marvelous power.

Secondly, I would challenge anyone reading here to examine your own heart and ask yourself whether you have been trusting in good works….baptism, homeschooling, church attendance, modest dress, the list goes on and on, or if you have placed ALL your faith and hope in Jesus’ blood and righteousness alone.

And finally, I would challenge you to examine the teachings within your own church system, whether it is Protestant, Greek Orthodox, Roman Catholic, etc. Ask yourself what your church teaches about ecclesiastical authority and family authority. Does it line up with the Word of God? It is a top down system that requires certain works in exchange for a relationship with Jesus Christ or do you have the assurance that you are saved for eternity by His death on the cross in your stead? Does it teach that the fruits of the spirit and obedience to all the one anothers is what our lives will demonstrate or is there a list of man made rules?

If you desire to talk with me about this, please send me a note to shesthatmom@gmail.com. My desire is that no one who visits this website will leave without knowing the glorious truth that we can have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and can enjoy a life filled with His goodness and grace!

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credits
Adoration of the Home was painted by regional artist, Grant Wood. The original hangs in the Cedar Rapids Museum of Art. Ben Campbell and Lon Eldridge deserve extra cookies for writing, performing, recording, and mixing Mom’s Prairie Song for the podcast intro and outro. Great job, guys. Garrison Keillor would be proud.

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