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real encouragement for real homeschool moms

heather
Today’s post was written by my friend, Heather Schopp. I appreciate so much the transparency with which Heather shares; her thoughts came after she and I had discussed some of the myths that damage the parent-child relationship. I also encourage you to listen to her testimony from the 2012 Treasures of a Mother’s Heart Retreat.

Over and over, I have heard that a parent is not supposed to be a friend to his/her child, that it’s not a part of a parent’s role, that it in fact interferes with a parent’s role. So what’s implied is that if you are your child’s friend, you are doing something wrong. Consequently, barriers are erected to prevent the friendship and many times, those barriers come in the form of so-called “discipline.” This discipline, usually involving spankings and the expectation of instant obedience (with a happy face) and no fits or arguing or questioning, erects an effective barrier to friendship because real friendships involve grace, and gentleness, and hashing things out, and honesty from both sides.

I remember when Forrest, my 10 year old, was 2. I had read Tripp’s book Shepherding a Child’s Heart and saw my child was not doing what Tripp said he should be: Forrest was not obeying immediately. When I’d call him, usually he didn’t come. So I explained to Forrest, “If i call you once, and you don’t come, I will spank you.” And I did because I thought I was not properly teaching him if I didn’t. But I never felt good about it (and I cry when I think back to it and am doing so as i write this).

A year or so ago my 9 year old Forrest asked me, jokingly, “Mom, would you ever hit me?” “No,” I said , “but, I used to.” “What?!? When?” “I used to spank you” I said. “Oh, that’s different. That’s just a swat on the leg or butt.” “What would you call that?” I asked. He thought for few seconds, then “A hit, I guess…but still, that was to teach a lesson.” I told him “Just because it taught a lesson doesn’t mean it was the right way to do it. I’m sorry I spanked you. If I could go back, I’d do it differently.” And he forgave me and ran off to play. Now that’s a friendship, a willingness to admit faults, forgiveness requested and instantly received.

I don’t think we are called as parents to set ourselves apart from our children, to put them on a tier lower than ourselves, to elevate ourselves as parents to a status above them. They are our neighbors, our nearest and dearest. We are called to love them as we love ourselves. They are our sisters and brothers in Chris and if one is stumbling, we are called to come alongside him/her and encourage, nudge, even carry sometimes. We can come alongside our children and guide them and teach them, as their parents, as their friends.

If I could go back to that tiny redhead 2 year old, I would still tell him that it’s important to come when mama calls and I would retrieve him and remind him of this until he got it. I would befriend my toddler and embrace him as I taught him.

God calls to each of us; He calls us to be His children, He calls us to be His friends. and He doesn’t threaten us if we don’t. But He is persistent and loving and always speaks truth.

And I think, if the Maker of the universe can be my friend, then I, a human parent, can befriend my babies.

A little while back I asked my kids if there was anything that they wished I did differently as a parent. They all said “no.” Several minutes later Forrest said, “I thought of something mom…I wish we spent more time alone together.” So we began taking pal times. This morning he asked me, “What are we doing today?” I ran off a list, then he asked, “Can you and I have a pal time tonight?” So that’s the plan for the evening–a pal time with my son, my 10 year old friend, Forrest.

Home-Alone

 

Throughout the militant fecundity podcast series, I repeatedly asked listeners this question:

“Do you love children?”

Since most of my listeners are parents and many are homeschoolers and Christians, the answer ought to be obvious. At one time I might have thought the answer would surely be a resounding “yes!” but for some homeschoolers I fear the answer may instead be “Well, I love my own homeschooled children.” I am hesitant to ask that question any more, especially after reading recent reports describing Home School Legal Defense’s continual push for parental rights and their desire to fight against child protective services, even in the most extreme of child abuse cases if it involves homeschooling families.

Last week a former homeschool daughter, now a mom herself, wrote an article describing three examples she believes show that HSLDA has supported the rights of abusive parents to homeschool their children. One of the cases involved a homeschooling family who had adopted 11 special needs children who were reportedly being kept in cages.

“The Gravelles’ children told Sommers of punishments including ”spankings with a board, name calling and being held under water,” Sommers said. One boy said he had ”his face shoved against a bathroom wall until his nose bled,” Sommers testified. The sleeping arrangements for some of the children were homemade enclosures made with wood and chicken wire that had alarms on the doors. County authorities call the enclosures ”cages,” while the Gravelles say they were enclosed beds used to protect the children. The children would soil their beds rather than open the door and go to the bathroom because they did not want to trigger the alarm, they also told the investigator. Another boy told the detective he was forced to write ”in long hand” a book out of the Bible before he was allowed out of his enclosed bed, Sommers testified.”

At one point, an attorney for HSLDA described the Gravelles as “heroes” for caring for these children. I have not been able to find a retraction or valid explanation for this. In one of the other cases where HSLDA defended the homeschooling rights of a family, a child died from the abuse.

I would like to look at these claims from a couple different perspectives and then open the floor for discussion here. Please be sure to read the whole investigative report and the links provided in the articles for a fuller picture of the situation.

First of all, HSLDA has been promoting the Parental Rights Amendment which has been discussed here in the past. If you watch the video clip on this post, it is quite clear that the right to physically punish children is central to this amendment. I have no doubt that one reason so many parents have jumped on this bandwagon is because they believe Scripture requires spanking. The very thought that some of these parents have been followers of Michael Pearl and that to this date HSLDA has not publicly rebuked him is outrageous. (I have looked for any statement from HSLDA regarding Michael Pearl and cannot find one. If anyone has found this, please share it here. I would love to be wrong on this.)

Secondly, I am not surprised in the least that this has been the posture of HSLDA. In 2009 they co-sponsored the Homeschool Leadership Summit where one of the goals listed in their manifesto was to get rid of Child Protective Services which I discussed in this podcast series on august 15 and 21, 2010. From the first time I saw that on the list, I was dumbfounded. While I do not believe the government is the solution to all of society’s ills, I do believe there are times when it must step in to protect children who are genuinely being abused. I know many godly parents who do understand this and have become involved in the foster care system in order to provide good homes for little ones in these situations. But to me, the message HSLDA is sending is that protecting the rights of parents to homeschool trumps protecting children (any children) from abuse.

I can’t help but wonder if this is the same attitude Douglas Wilson recommends for those of us who believe saving the lives of the unborn, whether from believing or unbelieving parents, is important. He wrote in his book Mother Kirk: Essays on Church Life:

“The unbelievers are destroying themselves in a frenzy of child-murder and fruitless sodomy. Let them go. These are hard words. But Christians must learn to say them. Paul taught us that the children of God-haters are “foul” or “unclean” (I Cor 7:14). We must come to the day when the Christian can truly rebuke those who are “without natural affection” and say – “The ancient psalmist blessed the one who would take little ones of those who hate God and dash them on the rock (Ps 137:9). We see by your pro-abortion position that you clearly agree with this kind of treatment. And we in the Church, in a way you cannot truly comprehend, are now prepared to say amen.”

Appalling isn’t it?

I also have written about the importance for homeschooling families to police themselves, not by turning each other in to authorities, but rather, coming alongside each other and encouraging each other while respecting boundaries. And I am not talking only about one on one, family to family relationships but also being wise and discerning when we attend conferences and events. For example, too many conferences now screen their vendors and speakers, putting them through a patriocentric grid before they can teach or sell their products. Why do we continue to support those groups?

What will happen if we do not get involved personally? Well, it has already been suggested that some homeschooling families are in violation of the constitutional rights of daughters if they are not offered educations equal to sons in the same family.

I know someone is going to point out that Libby Anne who did this research is not particularly favorable to homeschooling. I know she, as do many others, believes there need to be more restrictions on homeschooling and that homeschoolers need to meet standards established by the government. But my response is “why?” Does anyone believe the government has been so successful at educating children that they should dictate to homeschoolers some arbitrary standards? And who decides what it actually means to be educated? If we want to scream “educational neglect” we had better do it in the direction of the government schools first!!!

So, this has been brief considering the topic, but what do you think? And how can homeschooling families find the balance between protecting our rights to educate our own children and still care for little ones who are abused, no matter what school they attend?

driscoll glare

“Seriously? Driscoll said what?”

 

A few days ago I read an article by Wendy Alsup that is resonating with many women who used to call themselves complementarians. Wendy continues to define herself by that word but is asking all the right questions and seeking to add another, though wiser, voice to the schizophrenic cacophony of evangelical gender discussions. I highly recommend reading this and would love to discuss it here because I know so many of you truly understand the need for this dialogue.


Sallie has also had some great things to say
regarding Wendy’s article and has linked to some other good reads as well. Kevin DeYoung of the Young, Restless, and Reformed blog also responded to Wendy’s insghts but my first thought is that I wonder if self-proclaimed apologists for complementarianism ever read what each other has written. He seems to be clueless as to why these issues are even important!

Along these same lines, Kendra Fletcher, best known for her wonderful Preschoolers and Peace blog, has shared her own struggles with the complementarian position as it relates to women in relationship to one another within the church. She brings up the idea that frustration in ministry could be at the root of inward fighting within the local church. I think this is extraordinarily insightful.

Oh, and for those who don’t really believe there is an agenda to promote adversarial relationships between men and women in the church, you might want to check out this quote by Mark Driscoll:
“Being married to [nagging wives] is like a life sentence, and the guy’s just scratching on his wall every day,” he told the congregation. “Proverbs talks about certain women—they’re like a dripping faucet. You ever tried to sleep with a dripping faucet? Plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk. It’s what we use to torture people who are prisoners of war.”
In looking up the actual reading of Proverbs 27:15, it says:

“The continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.”

We have been having rain nearly every day for the past few weeks, so much so that Illinois has experienced record flooding and many counties, mine included, have been considered disaster areas. But even with the continual dropping of rain, we all know it isn’t ever going to be a “life sentence.” In fact, after Noah’s flood, God promised us, with the sign of the rainbow, that He would never again destroy the earth with water. So Driscoll’s hyperbole is apparent.

But the real problem in his statement is that he equates “dripping rain” with a form of torture called “waterboarding:”

“Waterboarding is a form of torture in which water is poured over cloth covering the face and breathing passages of an immobilized captive, causing the individual to experience the sensation of drowning. Waterboarding can cause extreme pain, dry drowning, damage to lungs, brain damage from oxygen deprivation, other physical injuries including broken bones due to struggling against restraints, lasting psychological damage, and death. Adverse physical consequences can manifest themselves months after the event, while psychological effects can last for years. The term water board torture appears in press reports as early as 1976. The captive’s face is usually covered with cloth or some other thin material, and the subject is immobilized on his/her back. Interrogators pour water onto the face over the breathing passages, causing an almost immediate gag reflex and creating the sensation for the captive that he is drowning.”

Perhaps Driscoll thought he was being clever and dramatic but what his statement actually does is create and promote adversarial relationships between men and women that goes far beyond the irritations that come along with being sinful creatures in a fallen world. Where is the admonition toward one anothering in his comment? It can’t be found because in his world, a woman who nags her husband is waterboarding him! Gee whiz.

mom and me

 

We hurried home from Nashville last Saturday because my mom had been rushed to the hospital after suffering a heart attack. She passed away on Wednesday evening. It has been an intense week and a time of great sorrow but also great rejoicing because she is now with the Lord, with my dad, and with so many other beloved saints who have gone before her.

My mom had spent the past 19 years in our home and we often joked that we not only homeschooled 6 children but one grandma as well since she participated in so many things we did as a family. She spent endless hours reading to preschoolers and listening to the younger boys when they were first learning to read themselves. She endured hours of mess making as the boys often took their craft projects to her room where she cut, pasted, painted, and drew right alongside them, “ooohing” and “ahhhing” as only a grandma can. Her favorite subject was history and she looked forward to watching documentaries and participating in discussions about them around the dinner table. Once, after seeing a history channel presentation on WW2, she stunned us by remarking, “Oh yes, I remember coming down for breakfast one morning and seeing a picture of Mussolini* hanging upside down in the newspaper.” Her firsthand accounts of nearly a century of American life brought a richness to our studies and our lives that we could never have imagined.

My dad had not been much of a traveler so it was especially fun for her to board airplanes to travel with us to both Florida and California when two of our boys were married. She often remarked how thrilled she was to have “dipped her toes” into both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans! She drove to South Carolina with us for Mollie’s piano recitals and loved the mountains of Kentucky and Tennessee along the way. Clay remembers pushing her around in a wheel chair through museums in Chicago, which she hadn’t perused since she had lived there as a young bride during WW2 while my dad attended an army school. She told us how she was forever getting a speck of dust in her eye because the city was truly windy and she joked about her Jewish landlady whose doctor husband was “stepping out on her” and how she called my mom and dad “Moodyites” because they attended worship services at the Moody Church each Sunday!

My mom loved being at home and made amazing oatmeal raisin cookies and incredible rhubarb pies. She canned and froze everything my dad grew in his beloved garden and I always knew spaghetti with her homemade sauce would be waiting for me when I came home on weekends from college. She was a gifted artist who painted with oils on canvas and powdered sugar icing on cookies for the grandkids. She was not one for socializing and always preferred being alone or with just my dad for as long as I can remember. In their later years they planted a plot of Illinois prairie, spending many hours walking along old abandoned railroad tracks, collecting seeds and small plants, cultivating them and hoping to preserve a bit of living history in their backyard. She was a helpmeet for my dad in the truest sense of the word, helping him in business, sharing in his joys and sorrows. When he died, it only made sense to welcome her into our home.

Over the years her health began to deteriorate, especially in the past few months as dementia began to take its toll but we kept on accommodating her needs as well as we could. But even in recent weeks she looked forward to eating dinner around the table with us and loved participating in both our after dinner devotions and prayer time. To the last, just days before she died, she thanked God for the Bible and asked for wisdom for all of us to life lives in obedience to it.

I often wondered how she had adapted so well to our loud and boisterous home, knowing it must have been a challenge for her. One day last summer she said to me, “Karen, you know living in your home has been the happiest time of my life.” As much as she adored my dad, I believe this was true. She is surely missed.

*I had to correct this when Will pointed out to me this morning that it was, indeed, Mussolini who was hanged upside down and not Stalin! Leave it to Will to catch this!

joe and grandma

 

 

This is her obituary as it will appear in local newspapers this week:

Elizabeth June (Betty) Allen, 90, of 352 W. Elm St., Canton, formerly of Farmington, passed away on Wednesday, April 17th, at St. Francis Hospital in Peoria.

She was born on June 23, 1922 in Minonk, Illinois, the daughter of Nelson James Hewitt and Mary (Wagoner) Hewitt. She married Kenneth Allen on February 7, 1942 in Farmington and was happily married until his death on January 19, 1994.

Survivors include one daughter, Karen Campbell (Clay), Canton, with whom she made her home for the past 19 years, and one sister, Grace Anne Noble (Wild Bill), of Gilbert, Arizona. She also leaves behind 6 grandchildren: Mollie Greene (Aaron) of Greenville, S.C., Clayton Campbell (Stacie) of Bakersfield, CA, Sam Campbell (Janel) of Charleston, S.C., Ben Campbell (Julie) of Nashville TN, Will Campbell and Joe Campbell, both of Canton, and 14 great-grandchildren: Henry, Jude, Lola, and Dot Greene; Penelope, Dowen, and Lucy Campbell; Samuel, Ethan, Vienna, Alexander, and Isaac Campbell, and Jenny and Odette Campbell. She was preceded in death by three brothers: James, Robert, and Paul Hewitt, four sisters: Pearl England, Marie Black, Edith Mingus, and Joy Miller, and one great-grandson, Calvin Campbell.

After graduating from Farmington High School, Betty worked at Caterpillar during WW2 and helped her husband in his hardware store and appliance repair businesses. She loved being a homemaker and was an accomplished oil painter and an avid reader, especially enjoying history and biographies. Her greatest delight was her grandchildren. She spent many years teaching 3rd and 4th grade Sunday school and as a deaconess at the First Baptist Church in Farmington where she was a member for over 80 years. She was a born-again Christian who trusted Jesus Christ and His grace alone for her salvation.

Services will be held on Saturday, April 27th at 10:30 am at the First Baptist Church in Farmington with Pastor Matt Morgan officiating and burial will be in Oak Ridge Cemetery. Memorials may be made to the Open Hearts Open Homes Adoption Fund at Bethany Baptist Church, 7422 North Heinz Lane, Edwards, IL 61528.”

Grandma2

Elizabeth June Allen

(1922-2013)

Just got home after spending the past month with my son and his family and I came home one grandbaby richer! Welcome to the world baby Odette Aliza Campbell! For those keeping score, Odette evened the tally…we now have seven granddaughters and seven grandsons!

OdetteA1

clay and odette2

clay and odette1

On this week’s podcast, thatmom encourages couples to keep the sparks alive in their relationship by living purposefully as man and wife in the loveliest of one another relationships. This presentation first aired on the Ultimate Homeschool Expo last year with Felice Gerwitz. Be sure to visit her delightful and encouraging website for lots more homeschooling and relationship encouragement!

Click podcast icon below to play this podcast


church

Paula’s post on shopping for a church along with the comments as well as some recent emails I have received has prompted me to want to explore this topic further. Yesterday I happened to read through the 9Marks philosophy of church and it left me feeling uneasy. For a long time I have watched as what is considered to be orthodoxy has been increasingly narrowed. In fact, I was surprised to learn that, according to the 9Marks document, my beliefs would be a threat to the very Gospel itself! So, I will leave you with his humorous story by Emo Phillips and open the floor for posting our thoughts on what is and isn’t important in looking for a church home. even if you do not think it is important, I welcome your thoughts.

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!” He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

He said, “Yes.” I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?” He said, “A Christian.” I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?” He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me, too! What franchise?” He said, “Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?” He said, “Northern Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.” I said, “Me, too!”

Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.” I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.

Jessica and Granddad, please repost your comments so can discuss them, too.

Sent from my iPad

Promote Relationship Homeschooling!

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Family Integrated Church podcasts

The Family Integrated Church ~ Are you frustrated in your search for a church home? Are you considering a family integrated church? The podcast series on the FIC movement is just for you! This series includes Pastor Shawn Mathis who explains the "theological basis" for the movement, Pastor Steve Doyle, who was once an FIC pastor and left the movement, and Bible scholar and author, Jon Zens, who looks at the underlying doctrines that permeate many FIC churches. The series concludes with thatmom's encouragement to homeschooling families as they seek to be part of the entire body of Christ. You will also want to read the series of articles on the pros and cons of the FIC and my exhortation to homeschooling families who are looking for a church home!

thatmom’s podcasts on iTunes

thatmom’s thoughts on curriculum

And you can learn about my thoughts on developing your own philosophy of education as well as finding the methods of homeschooling that work best for you and your children by

looking for my presentations on Home Educating Family's media site.

The Grace Awakening Book Study

Join me on an adventure as we study through Chuck Swindoll’s book The Grace Awakening. Each Monday I will post some thoughts from a portion of the book and we will discuss them in the comment section, making special application for moms. (Dads and singles are welcome to join us, too!) You can purchase a copy of the book (there are lots of used copies available via Amazon) or it is also available on audio. I don’t want you to feel like you have to read along to join in the discussion; I want this to be as stress free as possible. But I know you will enjoy the book if you read it……understanding and embracing grace is life changing and many have found this book to be a great encouragement after coming through paradigm based ministries, including some homeschooling groups. Please invite your friends, I know you will be blessed!!! We will be starting on July 23rd!

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truth from the Word

"Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73: 25-26

more truth from the Word

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." ~ Ephesians 4:32

Francis Chan says:

"Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter."

Tim Keller says:

"God’s love and forgiveness can pardon and restore any and every kind of sin or wrongdoing. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done. It doesn’t matter if you’ve deliberately oppressed or even murdered people, or how much you’ve abused yourself… There is no evil that the Father’s love cannot pardon and cover, there is no sin that is a match for his grace." ~ Tim Keller

Tim Keller also says:

“The Christian gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less.” ! Tim Keller in The Reason for God.

Oswald Chambers says:

"If we simply preach the effects of redemption in the human life instead of the revealed, divine truth regarding Jesus Himself, the result is not new birth in those who listen. The result is a refined religious lifestyle, and the Spirit of God cannot witness to it because such preaching is in a realm other than His." ~ Oswald Chambers

Phillip E. Johnson says:

“When pressed in interviews to name my heroes, I have spontaneously responded that they are homeschooling mothers! To me, the heroic mothers who nurture the next generation of faithful Christians are among the leaders of the church.” ~ Phillip E. Johnson

John Stonestreet says:

“C.S. Lewis said that for every new book we read, we ought to read three old ones. But I think for every latest, greatest new homeschooling book you read, go find three old homeschooling moms and ask them what happened and what worked.” ~ John Stonestreet

Carolyn Custis James says:

“The power of our theology comes alive when we take the truth personally. Holding God at arm’s length—no matter how much theology we think we know—will never make us great theologians. We have to learn to write our own names into the plot. God will always be the subject of our theological sentences but our sentences are incomplete until we make ourselves the direct objects of his attributes…..Simply knowing a lot of theological ideas, no matter how orthodox and sound they are, will never turn us into great theologians. Theology isn’t really theology for us until we live it. Not until we learn to make explicit connections between what we know about God and the race we are running will we taste the transforming power of our theology. Fixing our eyes on Jesus means reminding ourselves of all that He is to us now. He brings meaning to our routines and energizes us to tackle the difficult tasks at hand. Fixing our eyes on Jesus gives us hope to offer disheartened husbands and hurting friends, and the wisdom we need to raise children who will fix their eyes on Him, too.” ~ from Carolyn Custis James in When Life and Beliefs Collide

Anne Ortlund says:

“So what do we do to encourage them to grow inwardly, to become resourceful and creative, to think, to meditate, to lay the foundation for growing up well? Don’t push, but affirm them! Give them the sense that all is well, that their rate of progress is acceptable to you, that you like them just the way they are…..Guide them but be delighted in them. Let them know that life is to be reached for and drunk of deeply…..Enthusiastic, that’s how you want them to grow up! The word comes from “en Theo,” or “in God.” Support them with words of faith, hope, and love, and in that framework “in God,” they’ll be ready to tackle everything. Fears and cautions are built in at an early age but so is courage! Tomorrow’s world will be different if your child has been released to experiment, to risk, to lead others, to pursue righteousness, to be an affecter for good in society, to go courageously after God.” ~ Anne Ortlund in Children Are Wet Cement

J.C Ryle says:

"Kindness, gentleness, long-suffering, forbearance, patience, sympathy, a willingness to enter into childish troubles, a readiness to take part in childish joys, these are the cords by which a child may be led most easily, these are the clues you must follow if you would find the way to his heart." ~ J. C. Ryle in The Upper Room

Clay Clarkson says:

“Many Christian parents, myself included, tend to speak to children as though they were Pharisees. We can speak harshly and with judgment, implying by our manner that their hearts are hard and resistant. But this attitude is not justified by Scripture. There is no record of Jesus ever speaking to a a child in a harsh tone. When the Gospels record Him speaking to a child, it is always with gentleness. Our children are not our adversaries. Though our children’s hearts are corrupted by sin, they are not hardened sinners who have made conscious choices to reject the Savior. Our children are simply immature and childish. That’s why children need love and compassion, not harshness and guilt.” ~ Clay Clarkson in Heartfelt Discipline

Tim Kimmel says:

“Grace can’t be some abstract concept that you talk about in your home. It has to be a real-time action that ultimately imprints itself in your children’s hearts. To talk about grace, sing about grace, and have our children memorize verses about grace – but not give them specific gifts of grace – is to undermine God’s words of grace in their hearts. Grace means that God not only loves them but that He loves them uniquely and specially. The primary way to give our children grace is to offer it in place of our selfish preferences.” ~ Tim Kimmel in Grace-Based Parenting

Chuck Swindoll says:

"You want to mess up the minds of your children? Here's how - guaranteed! Rear them in a legalistic, tight context of external religion, where performance is more important than reality. Fake your faith. Sneak around and pretend your spirituality. Train your children to do the same. Embrace a long list of do's and don'ts publicly but hypocritically practice them privately...yet never own up to the fact that its hypocrisy. Act one way but live another. And you can count on it - emotional and spiritual damage will occur. "

Kathy Thile says:

"I say this gently, as the parent of grown kids, knowing *insert parenting guru* is also the parent of grown kids: we have wonderful children — he does, I’m sure — and so do I. But without even knowing his children I can know this about them: they are not perfect. They hurt. They make mistakes. They struggle. They are prideful and overly simplistic at times; and crippled by shame and hesitancy at others. Yes — they are beautiful examples of human beings, his children (I assume), and mine (I know.) But they are not perfect. If they were, they would not be human. If it were possible to raise children to perfection, then God would have sent a parenting method, not Jesus. Our marching orders are not to raise our children by a method to be like *insert parenting guru* children. Our marching orders are to be Christians to and with our children." ~ Kathy Thile

Anna Quindlen says:

“The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less." ~ Anna Quindlen

Winston Churchill says:

“My education was interrupted only by my schooling." ~ Winston Churchill

John Taylor Gatto says:

"The shocking possibility that dumb people don’t exist in sufficient numbers to warrant the millions of careers devoted to tending them will seem incredible to you. Yet that is my central proposition: the mass dumbness which justifies official schooling first had to be dreamed of; it isn’t real." ~ John Taylor Gatto

Fred Rogers say:

“Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.” ~ Fred Rogers

thatmom says

"The truth is that the way a marriage becomes truly heavenly is for each husband and each wife to pursue, really pursue, a relationship with Jesus Christ, to commit to obey the Word of God, to set aside each of their own agendas and paradigms, and then as they walk in the Holy Spirit, as they are sanctified, a little at a time each day, they will grow closer to one another. Godly wisdom will manifest itself in purity, peace, gentleness, mercy, a willingness to submit to one another, the fruits of the spirit, and no role-playing (the true meaning of hypocrisy). (James 3:17)" ~ thatmom

thatmom says:

"We need to approach our children not as character projects, but rather, we must see them with hearts of sympathy, with compassion and understanding, and with ears that listen. You see, homeschooling is not about lesson plans and research papers and standardized tests. Homeschooling is about building a relationship with our children, friendships that will last our entire lives on earth and clear into eternity. Homeschooling is merely the tool whereby we build those relationships." ~ thatmom

thatmom knows:

As a homeschooling mom, I have realized that everything, ultimately, is outside of my own control. I have learned that the unique circumstances that happen in my family have occurred because God’s plan is so much bigger than my own. It is knowing this truth about God and in experiencing that truth with those in my home that has enabled us to face past challenges and that will prepare us for all those difficulties that still lie before us.

thatmom realizes:

If I think about 37 years of marriage, times the number of loads of laundry I have done for 2 parents, 6 children and 1 grandma, I am amazed to know that I have washed, dried, folded, (sometimes ironed) and put away roughly 27,526 loads of laundry. That is over 215,000 socks! Or, in that same amount of time, provided 38,324 meals for a family and sometimes guests. Or that I have overseen nearly 21,500 hours of education of one sort or another during that time. Just thinking of these numbers takes my breath away. ~ thatmom

thatmom says:

"Real books from the library, a tub of art supplies, being read stories rich in vocabulary, a variety of good music, the daily discussion of God’s Word and how it relates to the world around him, and the attention of a loving parent who includes him in all the activities of real life are the secrets to a great learning experience for children." ~ thatmom

thatmom says:

"Being a mom is sort of like being all the people who crowd into a basketball arena all at once. Sometimes we are the players, the ones who are responsible for everything that is going on and our presence is front and center. Sometimes we are the coaches, giving comfort and encouragement, instructing with a clipboard in hand. Other times we are the referees, no striped shirts required but whistles are a must to break up the disputes when the game isn’t played as per the rules. Still other times we are the fans, cheering wildly from the stands, shouting from a distance but not from the floor. And then there are the days when we are the cheerleaders, the ones who scream 'Yeah, you can do it.' " ~ thatmom

thatmom says:

“The beauty of homeschooling is building relationships within our families and inspiring our children to become lifelong learners, gently leading them into the truth of Scripture and trusting that the work we have begun will be brought to completion by a sovereign God who has a plan for building His heavenly kingdom.” ~ thatmom

thatmom says:

"A family that embraces a paradigm becomes lazy and doesn’t study the Word of God for themselves. They take what others state as gospel. They have to check in with the “expert” blogs to see how so and so is doing it. It requires little effort and, truthfully, little leadership on the part of the parents. Dads who think they are turning the hearts of their children to themselves are really turning the hearts of their children to the dad’s gurus!" ~ thatmom

thatmom also says:

“After parenting for 36 years, I have come to realize that all paradigms are basically a list of do’s and don’ts that someone has created. Instead of embracing a list, I have discovered that it is best for me to run all ideas, philosophies, and paradigms through my “one-anothering hopper.” I ask myself if the suggestions or ideas I am hearing will serve to build my relationships or will serve to tear them down; will they reflect the one-anothering commands of Scripture? I ask if they are a picture of Christ and His relationship with me as His needy daughter. If not, I am not interested, no matter how much appeal they might have for any number of reasons.” ~ thatmom

thatmom says this, too:

“The word wisdom is used in Exodus to describe the knowledge that the Lord gave to the skilled artisans so they could make Aaron’s garments for worship. We are told that these workers “were given wisdom and understanding in knowledge and all manner of workmanship.” I have never had to sew any garments for a priest to wear for worship. I have not had to sew any draperies or build any walls or prepare any inner sanctuary as per the Lord’s instructions. But I have been called to give all I can toward the goal of building up children in the faith, preparing children for life outside my home, children whose bodies, we are told, are called the very temple of the Holy Spirit, children whose job it is to worship in spirit and in truth." ~ thatmom

what does thatmom believe?

" What is thy only comfort in life and death? "That I, with body and soul, both in life and death, am not my own, but belong unto my faithful Savior Jesus Christ; who, with His precious blood, has fully satisfied for all my sins, and delivered me from all the power of the devil; and so preserves me that without the will of my heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head; yea, that all things must be subservient to my salvation, and therefore, by his Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life, and makes me sincerely willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto him." ~ Heidelberg Catechism

What does it mean to be a Christian?

1.We must acknowledge that we are all sinners. “For we are all become as one that is unclean, and all our righteousnesses are as a polluted garment: and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away. (Isaiah 64:6) and “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23)

2.We are all accountable for our own sins before God. “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.” (2 Corinthians 5:10)

3.There is only one way to be forgiven of these sins and that is through the blood of Jesus Christ. “Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

4.If we confess our sin to the Lord and repent of it (not allow it to rule in our lives) we can be forgiven and be in right standing with God. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousenss.” (1 John 1:9)

5.Genuine salvation will result in living lives of good works but none of those works contribute in any way to our standing before God which is based solely and completely on the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross. “But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, He sat down at the right hand of God. (Hebrews 10:12) and “Not by works of righteousness which we have done but according to His mercy He saved us by the washing of regeneration and the renewing of the Holy Spirit. (Titus 3:5) and “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.” (Ephesians 2:8)

6.We all, men and women, boys and girls, have direct access to the throne of grace because everyone who is a born-again believer in Jesus Christ is called a “priest and king” in God’s economy. “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.” (I Peter 2:9)

I believe that many of the false teachings within the patriocentric movement are in direct contrast to these Scriptures and I would encourage each of us to first examine what we believe about Jesus and His work on the cross, its implications and its marvelous power.

Secondly, I would challenge anyone reading here to examine your own heart and ask yourself whether you have been trusting in good works….baptism, homeschooling, church attendance, modest dress, the list goes on and on, or if you have placed ALL your faith and hope in Jesus’ blood and righteousness alone.

And finally, I would challenge you to examine the teachings within your own church system, whether it is Protestant, Greek Orthodox, Roman Catholic, etc. Ask yourself what your church teaches about ecclesiastical authority and family authority. Does it line up with the Word of God? It is a top down system that requires certain works in exchange for a relationship with Jesus Christ or do you have the assurance that you are saved for eternity by His death on the cross in your stead? Does it teach that the fruits of the spirit and obedience to all the one anothers is what our lives will demonstrate or is there a list of man made rules?

If you desire to talk with me about this, please send me a note to shesthatmom@gmail.com. My desire is that no one who visits this website will leave without knowing the glorious truth that we can have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and can enjoy a life filled with His goodness and grace!

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credits

Adoration of the Home was painted by regional artist, Grant Wood. The original hangs in the Cedar Rapids Museum of Art. Ben Campbell and Lon Eldridge deserve extra cookies for writing, performing, recording, and mixing Mom’s Prairie Song for the podcast intro and outro. Great job, guys. Garrison Keillor would be proud.

Copyright © 2013 ~ thatmom.com. ~ Karen Campbell ~ All Rights Reserved.